Karen, You did his laundry for him! No way would I have done that!! If he wanted it, he could have done it. Especially knowing what he would be doing this weekend. This weekend with OW is totally wrong. You are still married. Your H is so disrespectful of you. That makes me so mad for you!
We all know our own limits, and I put up with a lot when my Hs A was still going on, but if he had announced he was taking a trip with her while still in our house, his crap would have been on the lawn when he got home!
Honestly, it does not sound like your H wants your M. If I were you I would take steps to protect yourself and your kids. DB for you and them, not him. You deserve someone who will respect you and treat you respect, too.
My H, too, spent lots of $$ on OW while the A was going on. After I found out about it, I figured up, on average what he was spending and was SHOCKED! Definitely keep track of what you can.
Honestly, it does not sound like your H wants your M. If I were you I would take steps to protect yourself and your kids. DB for you and them, not him. You deserve someone who will respect you and treat you respect, too.
I know he has said he wants a divorce at the end of the year, but then he also has not moved out of the house so I think there is part of him that is fence-sitting or he could be in an apartment now instead of getting hotels, and we actually are getting along great 99% of the time, but you are right, he totally treats me with disrespect because of this affair.
I would assume if he is still with the OW he will file for divorce this summer, or if they breakup H might want to work on our marriage I think. And we would have to do a lot of counseling about the way he has treated me! But in DR it says that most affairs only last 6 months or so, so I am hoping that maybe their relationship will not last, because I still do love him, and he knows that, although I never tell him so of course.
In re: to protection, I have seen an attorney and am keeping the financial records, so am doing what I can about that. That should help me in court if it comes to that.Karen43
Oh, btw, I ended the R emails with H by sending him back his comment on the "I just wanted you to know where we still are."
and said Well, I'm still in (our town), but I don't know where you are???(cause he's on the trip) So that ended all R talk!he emailed back ha ha funny or something
So basically does everyone seem to think my situation is hopeless? Most everyone that has posted here seem to think: H wants the marriage over or the comments seem pretty negative. I post a lot of negative stuff about H, but honestly 95% of the time we are friendly and laughing and get along great which I do try to post as well, then he will do something outrageous to convince me, (but I think also himself), or both that we will be getting divorced. Which I think is weird that you have to be convincing yourself or your spouse that divorce is happening by purposely acting rude (he says). Karen43
and we actually are getting along great 99% of the time, but you are right, he totally treats me with disrespect because of this affair.
Getting along great, when he is HOME...not out spending weekends with OW. That makes me mad.
I think there is always hope for any situation like this. My H has said things in the past that he 'takes' back now, but he still wants out. I believe this now, even though he hasn't taken steps to move out/get an atty. He is here for the kids, and to be with them until the very end. Not for me.
Doing his laundry? Wanting his favorite shirts for his adultery?? Karen43....what would you tell a friend that did this? Wishing him to be safe? Yes? Helping him pack for a trip with OW, when you are still married? No.
So basically does everyone seem to think my situation is hopeless? Most everyone that has posted here seem to think: H wants the marriage over or the comments seem pretty negative.
Karen, Every sitch is different. And, what each of us is willing to take or put up with or how much patience we have is different, too. Only you can make that decision. And if that time comes, you'll know it.
They do say most A's burn out after a few months. You still have some time with the house. If you want to give it all you have until that time, then go for it. It's up to you when to throw in the towel.
If you're getting along pretty well, that's good. But for him to blatantly announce he was off this weekend with OW is a horrible thing to do to you. I hope I didn't come off too strong before, that really made me mad! If you're ok with it, fine. But if not, perhaps you can consider setting up some boundaries with him. You've already talked about him texting OW in front of you. Just a thought...
If you're ok with it, fine. But if not, perhaps you can consider setting up some boundaries with him. You've already talked about him texting OW in front of you. Just a thought...
Joie
I'm fine with it once, or maybe even twice. But not on a regular basis, and I don't think it's appropriate for the kids to have a dad that's doing that on a regular basis. I don't think H's dad and I know for sure my dad would never have done that!!!
I am going to talk to my counselor this Thursday about all of this b/c this happened after our last session and get her input also, but I think if he is planning to do this again, I will probably have to ask him to move out, which I really wanted to avoid. But he just keeps getting worse and worse, next he'd probably be having her sleepover or something! That is kind of what I've been thinking. Any thoughts on this? Karen43
A boundary is not a boundary if you're OK with its crossing once or twice. It's like telling your kids "Ok now, I'm going to get REALLY mad if I have to tell you this again!" and then they take you seriously on the third time. Any parent can get them to take you seriously on the FIRST try, if that's your parental expectation of your child.
I don't mean to treat your husband like a child, but a boundary is a boundary. Only you know where to draw them, but I would draw them in such a place where crossing them even ONCE brings a negative consequence.
Choc eyes, you are right, I need to set boundaries and enforce them consistently which I have not done. I have to admit I was pretty stunned with the whole weekend trip and did not have any plan in place. This is probably a stupid question, but what kind of negative consequences do you think would be appropriate for this? I mean I use them all the time with my kids, but taking away TV time or computer time probably isn't going to work with my H!!!
What would you suggest? As you know, the 2 problems I've had so far now have been H texting OW and now his weekend trip. Keep in mind my sitch is much different than yours as I am a sahm and he is a lawyer. Karen43
That's always difficult to answer for someone else. If it were ME, the next time he did it, I think his SIM card would mysteriously disappear from the phone, and the battery contacts would suddenly stop working because it's funny how that clear nail polish doesn't really conduct electricity too well, don'tchaknow.
Or I would look him square in the eyes and tell him "Husband, I have asked you multiple times to respect my wishes and my boundary and not text your girlfriend in front of me and the kids. This is not yet another in a series of times I'm going to ask you. It's the first in a series of ONE. Do it again, and you're not going to like what happens. I'm done with your disrespect."
And if he did it again, the next time he went out, I'd have all the locks changed and his sh&t would all be out in the front yard.
