I think you're all right on about things being different after some 'maturing'. I'm only 40 yrs young, though, so I'd still go for some of that thoughtless, lustfully overwhelming passion, tho... . . .
Okay, okay, gotta stop that... Lent has officially started. <= ( me exploding with unspent libido)
I get you. It is different. Probably better, longer lasting, and more assured. Blah, blah, blah...
I stopped by after work, and helped her kids do some homework before heading out for Ash Wed services. Her youngest was running around with one of those Hanna Montana wigs - very hilarious, but she agreed to let me wear it to church if I wanted to. I thought better of it, figuring that I'd look like a Nelson twin that time hasn't been kind to. Celeste was frustrated that she couldn't go and told me later that she was upset about not spending more time with me.
We talked about us, and our communication, and about the pluses and minuses about being completely honest with one another (she was watching that show where the poor fool is hooked up to a lie detector while intruding questions are asked about one's spouse or fiance). Anyway, things are going pretty well.
Time and patience are my friends. Wasn't that a mantra in the early DBing days? Better add hard work and discipline to that, hey?
To me that head over heels is the rush, the excitement of the changing seasons but love is what happens underneath...where we have known it all along.
What a great VDay quote!
You know, I do see this. We did have the infatuation, passion-driven part, but that has been there for each of my long-term R's. The difference here is that she's very stable, mature and really knows herself. All along, this has helped to bring about this subtle, consistent building of trust that I haven't truly expereinced in the past.
Part of me still doesn't quite know how to play along. I was used to drama, upset, not knowing what might happen. When that's not present, its easy to think that there's no "passion" when instead, it's likely s/t better.
well I had this beautiful post full of deep thoughts but...bam...gone
so I will try to recapture it....
I was very used to drama too. In my relationship now I will often toss down my drama card just because I can't figure out where it went!!:)
In my past relationships I became very used to abusive behavior. It is part of that cycle. we gravitate to what we know. I might not have liked it but I sure knew how to function in it.
C is amazing. He actually says what he means and he lets me blow around him, trying to find the edges. He is offened by my need to make sure on my own and he is always waiting with a smile when I finally stop whirring around him and stop to look up in amazement.
I have been very blessed.
and
i am finding out that stability and maturity and the truth are WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY sexier than the drama I was used to
"C is amazing. He actually says what he means and he lets me blow around him, trying to find the edges. He is offened by my need to make sure on my own and he is always waiting with a smile when I finally stop whirring around him and stop to look up in amazement."
whoops
I mean not offended
my heart was swelling with love and obviously worked faster than my fingers
I've been scarce around the board lately. Noticed the same of my DBing 'class'mates. There's something positive about it related to moving forward and onward, hither and thither, I'm sure.
Been very busy. I've had S8 fulltime for the past 2 weeks. He went to visit his Mom overnight, then will be back this afternoon. As rocky as that has been, he and I have been just fine. I figured out afterschool care to help me, as I'll have him fulltime thru much of late spring and summer. He seems to be profiting from this increased stability, and I've found a way to do what I need to do to keep work, him, and sanity going.
The hardest part has been exercise, with the solution being lifting wts or rowing at night, and getting him to help me exercise, as I work when he's away from me. We've worked out a system of his riding his bicycle while I run, and jogging/watching while I run laps. We had fun during his spring break, with his enjoy heckling and doing ninja attacks at me as I rounded each lap. It'll be a long road toward truly being fit, but I've started.
Recently two old buddies from high school contacted me out of the blue. Felt both odd and reassuring to tell them about the D and my life since. Both reminded me of my roots and it felt good to reconnect with longterm Rs.
My engagement continues, with us continuing to be patient at times, frustrated at others, yet realistic about the complexities of running our separate households, families, and lives while working on 'us' - not easy, but not too hard either.
Work continues to be busy, yet fruitful. The univ job has its crazy moments and sad political bs. If not for S8, I'd likely look for healthier setting, but I'll keep trying to make it work.
Joe, ha! No - not a competitor. Thanks for thinking of me, tho.
Good to see you finally post; I've been looking for an update. It's nice to see posts from the "class of 2005" (is that right?). I still hang out here to much to pass the time at work. Sounds like you are keeping busy. I'm glad things are going okay for you and Celeste. Are you scared?
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Thanks for checking in and I'm glad you're still visiting the boards.
I wouldn't say that I'm scared. I guess as time marches on, the bachelor mode begins to really set in. I find myself enjoying my own time either on days that S8 is with his mom or after he's in bed. It's great to be able to strap into the running shoes even late at night, whereas with a partner around, it wouldn't be as easy?
I'm very invested in parenting, while she seems to be like uber-mom, going to all her kids events, even on her non-weekends. More power to her. If they were mine, I'd maybe go, but not always. When I coach, yes. But when I'm not, I'd give X that time to enjoy with S8 separately. That's a bit of a sore spot with us, as is her decision to work (job) on the weekends that she doesn't have her children. She notes that its a financial decision, but it leaves me visiting time with an exhausted woman who has just clocked a 12-hr shift. We ain't going dancing on that schedule - or church together, or out on adult dates. I find myself a wee bit ansy, realizing that I could head out of town for a trip or do those things with someone with different priorities.
Recently, she's made it clear that she will not spend time with me if S8 is around. There have been some rough spots b/t her and S8 that suggest that the honeymoon period is over, and that now she's really processing what it might be like to be the stepmother with three of her own. My stepping in to not allow him to be maltreated by my sense of bias or favoritism have just led to some sense of detente, with no real resolution.
We've talked about "us" time. My take of her take is that she's waiting til to kids grow up to pursue adult interests. My take is that if one does that, one tends to never do it, because health issues and retiree/money issues tend to set in. Plus, parenting and kids never truly go away. They merely move out and transform into s/t different. I tried to arrange a trip to Chicago with her, but she declined. So S8 will enjoy a cool trip with Dad instead.
The long term nature of our engagement seems to be giving both of us pause, with the locked in slowness of the annulment process and the home equity topsy-turviness making things much more sober than one year ago.
I also think she's in a low period, and that her every mothering load is keeping her busy enough. She's suggested couples therapy, and I agree that it'd be good, but I'd like to see her work on herself more to get more personal answers before we do that.
It's not as dire as that all sounds (I reread my writing, but will leave it as is). She's taken up exercising more, as have I. I'm investing more into my spiritual life, adjusting my work to make it less about serving others and more about pursuing my research passions. We both agree - importantly - that while we have separate households, we need to function in a sustainable manner, with personal healthy habits taking up time that we might otherwise spend with each other, but likely will need to spend alone to pursue such things.
On the other hand, I've realized that I've backed way off, b/c when I pressed for more 'us' time earlier, the 'control' labeling came out, and I just will not tolerate that false claim from another woman. Instead, I guess I'm setting her free by giving her space to work out her stuff, working on myself, and enjoying the smattering of time I get with her here and there. One could say I'm DBing with someone else now. It's different now, b/c I know I'll be okay no matter what, that I will not spend my life working to blindly pursue someone else's financial dreams, and my R with S8 cannot be harmed by my romantic interests.
<= ( me exploding with unspent libido) 
I find myself a wee bit ansy, realizing that I could head out of town for a trip or do those things with someone with different priorities.