Good luck tomato! Like you said, if you are in a positive frame of mind then you can rest assured that you did your very best whatever she may do......hope it goes well for you.
I just wanted to encourage you not to lose hope....I went through the separation and divorce paper thing.....and it never went any further. Today, my W and I are 100% reconciled....praise GOD!
Tomato,
I am a friend of I_Wanna_Make_It_Work....and he mentioned that you might join our monthly "Men Standing" dinner in Nyack. I hope to get the privilege of meeting you...and you will find our gathering to be very encouraging. We have been meeting for nearly 1 year now....and I am always blessed. This is just another one of those "good things" that has come out of our trials. Count the blessings!
You seem to be doing very well! I'll try to stop by occasionally although I am not on the boards much these days. Take care!
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
Our "talk" took place, she did not cancel out and I am glad 4 that. The proverbial 'certified letter' that I had been trying to stave off through prayer and any other means at my disposal basically arrived to me by hand delivery by W.
Our encounter was very amicable at the start and pretty well remained that way for its roughly hr long duration. From her picking me up and the 10 mins to arrive @ motel she spoke to me on the updated condition of her D19 (had a case of Bell's palsy which mimics stroke last week)and her facial symptoms are clearing up daily. She also had to update me on her sis who will be having surgery in an attempt to remove cancer in her femur? .
So after the talk on those topics we arrived @ motel and in the light as opposed to the darkness of the car I am certain that the mild 180 of a constant smile on my face was everpresent and with out a doubt noticable. It felt good and came naturally around her. Instead of her saying, 'what are you smirking/smiling about' as I can recall a bunch of times, she just said, "what", to which I responded something like "I am just choosing to wear a smile", rather then getting semi-defensive as is often my nature.
At this point she gradually segued into the stated reason on her part for us getting together- a talk about us. She first made sure to take one of her Lorazepam (anti-anxiety) and I kiddingly asked her if she was distributing meds & followed that with "I doubt I will be needing one, will I?"
The initial part of her talking with me on the nuts & bolts seemed benign enough that I buried the idea of receiving papers. And she surprised me in some regards with her candidness about her actual (not Federal fortress wall city as is her custom)feelings, which showed quite a bit of vulnerability. And as I was not shocked to hear, she still has plenty of loving feelings for me. She remarked that on many occasions she could barely help herself to resist the urge to call me and request that I come and be with her so that she could hold me and have the security of my closeness. She also made mention that she had something of a rush of emotion as I approached the car upon her arrival this night to pick me up.
As I said the candidness fm her was pretty astounding for a W who in a heartbeat can erect walls taller than you can imagine along with her pride. I listened to the best of my ability and commented sparingly but purposefully during this heartfelt talk about the span of our M. But when all was said and done,through her tears, she got around to doing what she intended on and produced her envelope.
I comported myself well throughout, I thought (even with a smile). The only part that I somewhat bristled about to her was my feeling of deception by her to say this was going to be a talk and to selectively withold mention of me putting my 'John Hancock' to the - Acceptance of Service legaleez.
I spent part of the night, after she departed with what she came for and pronounced her Love 4 me walking out the door, slumped on the floor of the room and certainly barely got a wink of sleep. Nighttime prayers were a little heated on this occasion. I am sure he will forgive me as he always does. But will she?????
T - You are a pro. I think this went as well as could be expected considering the circumstances ... speaking of which, they are just circumstances. Looking beyond the circumstances, the details are astounding. The woman who builds walls as tall and long as The Great Wall in China let you in. Made herself vulnerable. She still has plenty of loving feelings. She could hardly resist the urge to call you. Tears!! T, I'm sad for her. Do you feel her pain?
This isn't a woman who really wants to end it. She's consumed with an idea that this is her way to peace and happiness. Great, nasty trick from you-know-who. Time to prove her (and Satan) wrong as the day is long.
You will continue your walk. Growing in Hope, Faith and Love. Becoming a stronger man, a better husband and the best Step Dad & Adoptive Father you can be. It's a new beginning, T. A chance to do it all over again - the right way. So get to work.
Me - 43 and She -36. No kids. Married 7 yrs - Together 14 yrs
This could fall either way. Thanks for your rapid response to my catatonic state right now.
While she surprised me with being fairly transparent with her emotions. She also is an EXTREMELY determined and independent woman with major major trust issues of everyone but mainly men. And she says that trust was decimated by me. And at least 4 now she believes it is beyond restoration.
No Fault Divorce filing on grounds of M irretrievably broken. Without making to much of a stink of it I let her know what I thought of that.
The tears that didn't happen at the motel last night (even after she departed)sure seem ready to flow now.
Here goes another crack at sleeping. Not even with a sledge hammer I think.
Just another person to add to my evergrowing list of people who do not, can not, will not understand me. Nothing sinks me lower than that feeling. I have known this and feared it would happen yet again and yet I got M and never would have dreamed we both didn't believe in real true love & commitment.
Good luck getting through the day Tomato. I am thinking about you. I know it is a cheesy saying, but "It ain't over till it's over". There is still time for things to change for the better. And she did say she still loves you...........
Tomato, I think you will feel better after some well needed rest. I know it hurts, but it will pass. Thinking of you.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
