If I had good PMA a short while ago then it got wings. Oh well we all know how that goes. Me and the dog-ette got out at least today for some fresh air. Although I was able to find a pet friendly hotel a few days ago, unfortunately my fave restaurant I just returned fm does not have such liberal policies. So she had to wait it out in the car while I had some bruschette con pesto and chianti. Oh well, her palette wouldn't have apreciated it anyway . .lol.
My NMA continues to fester as I hang out here passing time & breaths in an empty house (I am housesitting for P's while they are away visiting the remainder of my family)
tomato, hi and welcome to DB boards. Many are giving you excellent advice, wise to follow as they know more than we beginners.
Something is confusing me, after several posts back and forth. Posters are asking you for a few of the reasons your W wallked??? Why, OM, OP, sex, MLC, You? First thing you Must do is read Michele's books, have you or are you? Second you must accept and work to identify your part in this M breakdown. Seems to me you keep blaming Just your wife. Ok, we keep trying to help if you wish. Sorry I am so blunt. grid, lost
-Love of dogs, every time I loose a dog to the bridge,part of my heart goes too. Ever time a puppy/dog comes into my life,he gives me a part of his heart. If live my life long enough, in time I'll have the heart of a puppy. -unknown (w/character limit)
No real advice at the moment. Just wanted you to know I am thinking about you. Squeeze that doggie for me, I wish I had one. I used to cry into my dog's fur when I was thinking about H and OW (this was before I found out for sure but when I knew in my heart). But she lived w/us 9 months and kept being aggressive w/our kids and running away so we adopted her out to a "rescue league" couple 8 days after I found OW and H together in the hotel. Double whammy, lose my H (at least temporarily) and my dog. Enough about me. The point was, love on that pup and you will have to feel a little bit better.....
Thx for cutting to the chase. I have a way of starting in that direction and then deviating from facing facts/reality. So feel free to be plenty blunt as it forces me to take a solid look at the nuts and bolts of my sitch.
My W and I are pretty well on amicable terms at this time but that surely was just about never the case when we were together.
In a nutshell my W has certain problems as do I and when we spend time in each others presence the mix was rather toxic. The problems she has identified of mine:
1)overcontrolling 2)deficient in emotional support 3)and the catchall . . .I cause her to be unhappy & enormously stressed
I have gotten a lot fm DB and had started to read DR and I am looking fwd to acquiring a copy of it so I can finish it and have the full arsenal of what will work best for my sitch.
Even though as I said I do sometimes deviate from facing the music I do not recall posters asking for the 'reasons why my wife walked' and me not attempting answer that. So I am not sure what you mean. Maybe you could identify what you meant by that to help me.
Jesus draw me closer to you. Shepherd me one step closer to heaven.
My Rue is good medicine for sure. She is spoiled by her Poppy. Sorry you are without a dog now. Thanks for the warmhearted msg, it is very much appreciated.
grid lost (and anyone else who dares to try and digest this 1),
Even before your post, I was starting to feel as though it might be a good idea to clarify things a bit in my sitch that is only partially recounted on here. So thanks for the nudge. I am notorious for needing them quite often. I was unraveling my marital storyline and then I kind of truncated it and didn't really get into the particular troublespots of my M. So now I will try to stay on point in that.
Here goes.
Since my signature line indicates that the first major crumbling of our M ocurred w/ Sep#1 5/06, I will try to give a brief synopsis focusing on what I believe led to this unfortunate decision on her part. When I first met my W she had a county corrections job that paid well and had good benes. After about 2.5 year on the job all hell broke loose both @ the job and with the discovery of a tumorous mass in my W brain. She was a corrections ofcr with morals and virtuousness and that caused her to stick out like a sore thumb when the scandals hit (as they always do in that line of work). So her days at work kept worsening with ever increasing amounts of stress and then the news of the tumor arrived in Feb 2002. Obviously with her needing to take time off for her and I to go to the various Dr's and have them provide opinions on what would/could be done about this grave matter, she was pondering as to whether to even return to this stressful job. She switched to a different county job where she remained for almost 6 mo after we were married in 4/2002. She was making a little less $ then and struggled to get along with co-workers there. So at this point 5 mo into our marriage she made a Major life adjustment and she followed me to a new town a couple of hrs away leaving her job and more dramatically causing a geographical split between herself and her D(14 then). Her daughter since about age 8 officially lived w/ W's ex and his parents. And for the 4 yrs or so before I met my W she lived in a neighboring town to her D & D's dad and (peculiarly enough)it was the case when I met her that she was living for a time in the same house as D, D's dad and the GrP's. So after securing the ok fm her child to make things easier for us as a newly M'd couple. We proceeded to get a place that was in the town that my work was based at. With her making this heavy compromise, I promised that I would only have us there for 1-1.5 yrs max (and this would later come back to bite me in the derriere). In the new place our financial position suffered with the loss of her salary and we remained there for 3.5 yrs (boy did I not live that down). During that time she completed her schooling for a B.S degree which was begun in 1989(and was interupted w/ birth and raising of D). She worked sporadic P/T jobs during this period, which I remember I got on her pretty heavily about due to the lack of consistency. As I look back on it now, of the 3.5 yrs there perhaps the 1 - 1.5 years were not as volatile as the second half of the time there. We have fought throughout the course of our M but the frequency/intensity escalated in the last half. And then as I had openly voiced the concern/question that with her being perpetually unhappy I feared that she would high tail it out of our M as soon as her college degree was in her hand. I believe I voiced that concern roughly 1 yr prior to her finishing school. And she roundly denied that she would walk away like that. If I remember correctly she spoke in very reassuring tones and made it clear that in spite of all the fighting she truly loved me and I should put to rest any feelings to the contrary. Then with my birthday fast approaching and in her last couple of weeks of classes before finally crossing the finish line for a very well earned degree. I returned fm a weekend visit to my parents a couple hrs away and boy was there ever a birthday surprise awaiting me. Not just a "we need to talk and I feel it is best for us to separate now". But she did it in fine fashion. She invited her mother over our place during my brief absence and the two of them packed up just about everything that wasn't nailed down, placed in to in a U-haul and drove it around the corner to a storage center. She decided to break the news gently to me, as she downed several glasses of wine in rapid sucession, by having me take her out to eat on my b-day instead of having me drive straight to the scene of the crime. What a birthday!
That is my attempt at a brief synopsis leading to Sep#1. Brevity and me don't get along. But it's not trying to divorce me and I will keep trying to do better at that too.
I will try to in a bit less longwinded fashion explain some of the details leading to Sep#2 another time.
I love the LOVE talked about by Paul in I Corinthians 13. That's what I am looking for.
I love the Corinthians I, verse 13 passage as well. Keep reading it regularly and it will help you to understand what love is really supposed to be like.
Keep positive and keep moving forward. Until everything is final, there is no point in giving up hope or the fight. In fact, I have another teacher here at work who was mere days from going before the judge when they decided not to divorce.
Thus, all of us who want our relationships to work need to keep fighting until the final, and I mean final, bell, no matter how difficult the road ahead gets. It will be very, very difficult and trying to do, but we all must do it if we really want our relationships to survive.
Keep moving forward and keep leaning on all of us here as we too will be leaning on each other. RTL
I'm glad I can help. I took a huge step back today, got mad at my W and ended up apologizing with tears. Oh, well. I couldn't hide the lie for too long I guess as I was reeling today and I let her know.
My childish actions didn't help, but I think I did recover pretty well.
How did your day finish up? On a good note, I hope?
It just so happens I knew of your crummy day b4 seeing mention of it here. I guess we cross posted.
The best way I can term my existence right now is just the way my thread reads - "uncomfortably numb". The part about waiting for certified letter, who knows on that issue. It would seem that is just part of the game that MLC'ers play. They have convoluted minds for sure.
No contact fm W today, and w/ no expectations . .that was good. Saturday I played taxi-cab driver for her for about a half mile during which she did as she always does to indicate her off the charts stress level and anxiety. She talked incessantly adn in circular fashion telling me things she had already previously mentioned just to fill the void and be in control of the sitch I suppose. There is no such thing as a comfortable silence for her and in that regard we are polar opposites.
I am tiring myself out while I continue to spin my wheel on the road to nowhere.
I think I will do some pleasure reading till I knock off. (that almost sounded like something else to me . .perverted mind) Don't mind me . .been just a bit too long on the celibacy wagon. And this is just the beginning, I am afraid.
Lord pour your Holy Spirit upon me and my needs would be met instantly.
