Sorry the house is a wreck but the good side is you have the smarts and resources to make it your home again however you want it to be. I have a feeling you didn't express near the emotion in your post as you felt walking thru that house again.
I agree! Sounds like you're capable of a little painting, etc. - I'll bet there are some rooms in the house that were decorated to reflect W's preferences and personality, not yours. Make it a goal to recreate the house in a way that makes YOU happy.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Thanks. I felt better after the smoke cleared. You were right frank - healthy boundaries are a good thing.
Rob - Good advice - I intent to GUT the place
LeighS - thanks for stopping by. It took me two years to learn what NOT to do.
WCW - sorry the Giants won but what a game! My first Super Bowl in many years. I shared it with S10 who went for New England. I really don't care who even played but I told my son I would go with the underdog (the Giants). He asked what an underdog was and I told him.
I recall when I was 10 I asked my Godfather what an Underdog was too. He always went with the underdog.
So we shared a life lesson. All xW walk away and divorce crap could not prevent me from having that moment with my son. Priceless.
Great weekend: went to lunch and shopping Sat and Super Bowl Sunday. Saw my mom today as well - played bingo (remember she is 90 so bingo is a main thing). Picked up paint swatches for my house at some stores. Blue for S10 and light purple for D6. Made hot wings for the game but son said not hot enough. We studied for his test and shared life. D6 was not all that interested in the game but she watched too.
Got several emails from Ex. No mention of the baseball thing. I guess she backed off as she normally does when she crosses the line. The emails required no action - they were status reports of her new house and clearing out of my house. She did remind me of S10's test, like I did not know - I let that slide.
So, great weekend and I feel better overall. She will continue to press my button but the button will only cause a reaction if I let it.
I am a man of Strength and Honor. Period. I have no room for buttons or holes in my boundaries. I will try my best to remember that.
Jeff...although you don't need this, I want to requote it from your thread FOR ME..if I may hijack your thread for a moment:
Originally Posted By: RMG
I had similar feelings until I met my new W. Looking back, I am able to see my WAW as she really is. She is not the type of woman any good man should ever be married to. She is TOTALLY in love... with herself! Her true character and beliefs were exposed during this time. As my friend Teresa said, "Rich, she does not deserve a man like you."
The funny thing is my exW believed the grass is greener.... Well, it REALLY is.... During all of this, I met many great women... Many of whom said, "What is your exW thinking? Most woman are looking for a man like you. They are not running away."
You really need to look at things lucidly and pray for guidance. Is this the type of woman you want to married to? If you accept your wife's behavior, what type of example are you setting for your children?
PS...see my post on frank_d's thread. Stick with him Jeff. That's the power of this place at times. I regret that I don't have you on my street as a neighbor. You're a 'BetterMan'. Give frank_d the benefit of the doubt. FIB
PS. Strength and honor.
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Jeff...although you don't need this, I want to requote it from your thread FOR ME..if I may hijack your thread for a moment:
Originally Posted By: RMG
I had similar feelings until I met my new W. Looking back, I am able to see my WAW as she really is. She is not the type of woman any good man should ever be married to. She is TOTALLY in love... with herself! Her true character and beliefs were exposed during this time. As my friend Teresa said, "Rich, she does not deserve a man like you."
The funny thing is my exW believed the grass is greener.... Well, it REALLY is.... During all of this, I met many great women... Many of whom said, "What is your exW thinking? Most woman are looking for a man like you. They are not running away."
You really need to look at things lucidly and pray for guidance. Is this the type of woman you want to married to? If you accept your wife's behavior, what type of example are you setting for your children?
FIB,
I think you always need to keep things in clear perspective.
In my case, I was far from the perfect H. However, I did nothing which would even approach Biblical grounds for D. I loved my exW beyond words. Whether or not she wanted to believe it, she was the love of my life. I had grown to love her so much over the nearly 15 years we knew each other.
Yet, when the rubber met the road, she took off running... She was more interested in looker for greener grass... If she would have really been a Christian woman of character, she would have done anything to save our M... I was so willing to put in whatever work needed to be done.
The facts are the facts. Whether we choose to see them or live in denial.... My exW simply was not a good woman......
I hope you are able to step back and look at your sitch objectively....
Go with God,
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 02/06/0805:23 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
In my case, I was far from the perfect H. However, I did nothing which would even approach Biblical grounds for D. I loved my exW beyond words. Whether or not she wanted to believe it, she was the love of my life. I had grown to love her so much over the nearly 15 years we knew each other.
Yet, when the rubber met the road, she took off running... She was more interested in looker for greener grass... If she would have really been a Christian woman of character, she would have done anything to save our M... I was so willing to put in whatever work needed to be done.
The facts are the facts. Whether we choose to see them or live in denial.... My exW simply was not a good woman......
I could have written this exact post. Thank you so much RMG. You made me feel many things.
It is still so hard to say my Ex was not good. But not accepting it does not make the truth untrue.
In my case, I was far from the perfect H. However, I did nothing which would even approach Biblical grounds for D. I loved my exW beyond words. Whether or not she wanted to believe it, she was the love of my life. I had grown to love her so much over the nearly 15 years we knew each other.
Yet, when the rubber met the road, she took off running... She was more interested in looking for greener grass... If she would have really been a Christian woman of character, she would have done anything to save our M... I was so willing to put in whatever work needed to be done.
The facts are the facts. Whether we choose to see them or live in denial.... My exW simply was not a good woman......
I could have written this exact post. Thank you so much RMG. You made me feel many things.
It is still so hard to say my Ex was not good. But not accepting it does not make the truth untrue.
Thanks again.
Jeff,
You are so very welcome.
It was hard to admit for me as well. I had loved her so very much. I saw so many positive things. Yet, what I so painfully learned was the woman I thought I knew and loved for 15 years was NOT the woman she actually was......
Take Care,
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 02/06/0806:06 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
Hey guys, count me in on all of this as well. It seems as those all of our sitchs and Ws are interchangable. It still amazes me how many of these stories are exact carbon copies of others.
I had loved her so very much. I saw so many positive things. Yet, what I so painfully learned was the woman I thought I knew and loved for 15 years was NOT the woman she actually was......
I did say during my separation that xW was a good woman deep down but that she was no longer right for me. But as time goes on I realize that I was accepting to much of the blame. Now I am starting to feel that deep down she was in fact not the woman I thought she was. I need to stop apologizing for her and take her off that pedestal I had her on.
That is not meant to be angry, it is just realizing that the blame is shared and that she did in fact do nothing to save the M when we could have saved it.
I had loved her so very much. I saw so many positive things. Yet, what I so painfully learned was the woman I thought I knew and loved for 15 years was NOT the woman she actually was......
I did say during my separation that xW was a good woman deep down but that she was no longer right for me. But as time goes on I realize that I was accepting to much of the blame. Now I am starting to feel that deep down she was in fact not the woman I thought she was. I need to stop apologizing for her and take her off that pedestal I had her on.
That is not meant to be angry, it is just realizing that the blame is shared and that she did in fact do nothing to save the M when we could have saved it.
Jeff,
I am right there with you. Step back..... Look at my old sitch....
Knew each other for 15 years..... Married for over 12 years..... I NEVER had any EAs/PAs.... She never came out and told me we had ANY problems let alone bad ones.... She never asked me to go to counseling.... She finally tells me there are problems and I immediately take her to counseling.... She goes twice to counseling and really only says I want out of M.... She files for D....
Looking at that, in my opinion, she should have clearly let me know there were problems and exactly what they were... If we could not work it out, she should have insisted we go to counseling..... If that did not work after months, that should be the first time you even remotely consider ending the marriage....
Does that make her a bad person? I believe it does. She walked away from a commitment she make to God and me. She also made damn sure she was as mean, nasty and hurtful to me as she walked out the door. I chose to take the higher road and ignore her. If I were gutless as she was, I at least would have had the decency to just walk away instead of attempting to tear the other person down.........
I think once you make a commitment you should stick to it.....
Take Care,
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 02/07/0803:43 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
