I Have A Walkout Wife = Part 11

[Confident_Me]

But, if you write up of an overview and outline for me -- I'd be happy to read a summary of your situation to date!

Thanks SUMMER - here's a humble attempt at summarising

My life (very briefly though):



· My sister died one day after giving birth to her daughter on 17th May 1990

· I lost "interest" in my faith and went on a "spree" which lasted until I met my wife_to_be in August 1995

· We got engaged within two weeks of meeting each other & got married on 18th May 1996

· My Dad passed away on 20th August 1996.

· My Mum bought a house (for me) and came to live with us in November 2000

· In February 2000 my Mum was diagnosed with 3rd stage ovarian cancer

· My Mum passed away on 30th September 2002

· My wife left me briefly for a week in December 2003 - transport issues and a few other things which were resolved during a few counseling sessions.

· My wife's Dad passed away on 13th August 2004

· Our dearest kitty gets sick in July 2006 and between September & November 2006 I take over "palliative care" for her in an attempt to save her - I get a bit frantic about the whole thing as I was so desperate to save her.

· My wife comes home on 09th November 2006 and out of the blue announces her intention to divorce me & leaves for her mother's house the same night.

· On 16th November 2006, our little kitty passes away & an hour later I receive the court papers via the Sherriff for our divorce

· No physical or verbal contact & my wife chooses emails to gradually cut me out of her life - cancellation of medical aid, car insurance, credit card debt discussions, etc.

· In December 2006 my wife returns the car I gave her as a gift in December 2003 as a result of her "transport issues"

· Later that month she sends me a fax with a list furniture demands.

· I use this as an opportunity to make verbal contact & finally on the 10th January 2007 we meet over coffee to discuss her list.

· My wife arrives on 13th January 2007 to collect the bulk of the items requested - she declines my offer to see our kitties

· My wife returns on 14th January 2007 to go through some of her personal effects.

· Both of the above interactions seemed fairly positive according to me!

· In late January 2007 I contact my wife to feel her out & invite her to coffee & I get turned down flatly.

· A few days later, my wife cuts off my access to our bond (mortgage) which we had used as bridging finance for the business, etc - I contact her & she is adamant the account is "frozen" despite the implications for my business

· In mid February 2007, my wife institutes further legal proceedings & threatens to sell my house from under me (the house was put in her name for business reasons).

· I defend with a plea & counterclaim (lawyer advises me to file a writ of divorce also to protect the house )

· My wife visits my best friends mother (just prior to my nieces' visit from the UK on 04th April 2007 - this niece being my late sisters daughter) - I had sent my wife an email informing her about this visit & invited her to make contact if she so wished.

· In April 2007, my wife files another legal uppercut asking for interim maintenance AND subsequently visits my best friend to apparently make it clear she is adamant on a divorce!

· No verbal contact between us since 24th January 2007

· Court hearing on 29th May 2007 resulted in me being ordered to pay interim maintenance of R2 500-00 per month to my wife (this is the last time we "saw" each other - she did not even acknowledge me on the day although when she walked out of the courthouse she gave me a curious look...) and at this point she even wanted to conclude the divorce on this day = but I refused to grant her a divorce.

PART 2:

I have not heard from my wife since the 11th August and I have no idea what she is doing with her life, yet I continue praying for restoration every day and living a life which a husband should.

The 11th August interaction was an sms (text message) from her in which she said "I have just seen you in the car again! HOW DARE YOU! IT IS ILLEGAL!! You have 3 weeks for the transfer & I want a copy of the papers"


This was over the car SHE had returned to me in November last year when she said "I thought you might need the car" - she subsequently went out and bought a BRAND NEW car and put this in her expense claim against me


Interestingly enough and just to explain to you - the car she returned was one I bought for her & put in her name BUT I paid all the insurance, licensing, etc AND I am one of the nominated drivers so I'm not sure why she claimed my use of the car was "illegal" also considering she had GIVEN the car back to me??


During the "transfer process" in August, my wife strangely claimed that she did not even OWN a car - quite confusing as I saw her IN her new car in January 2007 when she came to the house to discuss what furniture she needed for her new flat??



I'm striving to be that spiritual leader she desires regardless of what the WORLD is saying – even yesterday a good friend said "When are you finally going to get it? Are you moving on with your life?"



It seems satan knows where & when to strike as it brought out feelings of despondency in me even though I told the person concerned "You know where I stand" and all I got was a shrug in return!



I hear about MANY restoration stories via the Steinkamps daily messages & emails – not many people OR Churches are well versed in Marriage Reconciliation and it seems such a foreign concept to them - I do get plenty of unbelieving looks when I reaffirm my commitment to my marriage being restored.



It's "hard" to believe so much time has gone by, not only since our separation but also since I have had meaningful contact with my wife - the last time we "sat" down together was on the 10th January 2007 or so & the last time we were in the same room together was our court meeting in April/May in 2007.



All of her interactions since collecting the furniture she wanted in January have been filled with "aggression" and a desire to extract money, etc from me and she even tried to get my house sold (My late Mum & I had the title deed put in her name to protect US financially in case my business went belly up & therefore the house would be protected) out from under me.



My wife took me to court using a loophole in the law where she was allowed to claim interim maintenance from me even though we do not have children - my wife claimed this was to FORCE me to divorce her as her logic dictated I would much rather divorce her than pay her maintenance every month!



My wife's list of "expenses" were somewhat inflated and the lawyers influence could again be seen at play during the submission of her court documents.



Her shortfall claim was for R 4 700-00 per month and even though she earns better than I do, we came against a judge (whom according to my legal counsel) would NOT minimise my wife's claim & thus they suggested I try to settle out of court even though our "legal argument" against my wife was quite strong.



As a result since around June I have been paying my wife R2 500-00 per month AND her legal fees of R 500-00 per month (R 5 000-00 court fees divided into 10 payments).




Our Heavenly Father has provided me with the means to pay this amount every month even though I have taken a loan to help with my cash flow for the business – my wife cut off my access to our home loan re-advance facilities in January 2007 which WE had always used to refinance house expenses, business bridging finance etc!



I have seen a new side to my wife this past year - one where she has cut me off completely and not even initiated ANY contact other than for "business" reasons.



Her friend continues to reside in the granny flat on our property - an OLDER lady (by about 20 years) who also continues to interact with my wife (on at least a weekly basis as far as I know) and whom herself is a THRICE divorcee



I have been using a mutual hairdresser (also does work on on my wife's hair) who EMPHATICALLY promised to give me news on my wife this time last year but whom I've subsequently discovered was only offering me lip service in this regard.



I do not receive any news about my wife from ANY sources, but I know my dancing news reaches my wife due to the interactions I've had with some of her work colleagues (have danced with one or two of them).



I have not even bumped into my wife anywhere since our separation on the 09th November 2006 - I have seen her once or twice in the car going by, but nothing in person (walking, etc) - I understand our Heavenly Father might be allowing this situation of non contact & no news of my wife for my own "protection" so I have not made any enquiries as to her whereabouts, etc even though this has been VERY tempting at times


I continue to love my wife and honour our Wedding Vows, yet I live "as” a single person without my wife' physical presence - my own concern and prayer is not to become too comfortable with this single lifestyle and thus end up being complacent about my Marriage Restoration.



I have no "clear" action plan and still await leading by the Holy Spirit in this area – I pray for a breakthrough and for signs that my wife wants to return to this marriage so we can glorify our Father by showing the world what is possible if we have faith and trust in Him


Please pray for us (I know you do already) as I would be lying if I said I have not experienced weariness & extreme loneliness over this time of separation & as I can see no "positive movement" this is quite demoralising for me even though I KNOW God can work (and probably IS) behind the mountain


My life is "good" without my wife in that I have been blessed with supportive & Godly friends, success with my dancing, a great new Christian Dance partner, good health and even some business growth to enable me to start paying back the debt I incurred from all the legal court fees in defending myself against my wife.

Ok, now just before my "BIG" news, I had another interaction with the lady who likes to "advise" me - the same one =who said "When Are you going to move on with your life - remember her?

Well, about two weeks ago I was getting some things from her shop when she said some rather startling things (remember also, she said she would NOT be acting as a "go-between" as my wife had previously visited her & communicated "something" to her whcih this lady felt my wife should have said directly to me rather) - now bearing this in mind, some of these "startling things" came through thus:

- were were chatting about dancing and she casually mentioned that 95% of ladys liked men who knew how to dance BUT my wife was not one of them

- this lady also said IF my wife comes back I would have to give up my dancing & that I would only have this year left (to dance)

- she closed off by saying "be careful what you wish for"


To me, it seem she had spoken with my wife very recently and my wife MUST have said something about IF she comes home otherwise, why the mention about my dancing??



PART 3:

Here's my HUGE update for today and I was going to add some other stuff which happened about a week ago - to do with "that" lady who gives me hints about my wife (despite her saying this is something she would not do - be an agent for my wife in other words).

Ok, so here is is people - it's a BIGGIE (for me anyways )

I bumped into my WIFE today today unexpectedly and experienced her frustration & anger for me - I was calm and non judgmental as far as I remember - I was in our local supermarket where we BOTH used to shop together when I saw her coming down the aisle towards me.

I took me a bit by surprise & I moved towards the dairy section and she came around the corner straight at me...yikes!

She asked me "Why is this taking so long" referring to the divorce proceedings SHE instituted the DAY she left me and all I replied was "I thought you would know by now" as I did not want to say anything to enforce her guilt, etc.

After I said the above, she paused for a "fraction" and said: "It's been a year already??"

She asked me why I had phoned my lawyer (not sure how she came by this knowledge) and I said it had nothing to do with our "case" but that it was about something "else" - my lawyer had called looking for a generator (the business I'm in) and I merely returned her call - I did not let my wife know what the call was about though...

I asked if she was well & she said she was "very well" although she kinda looked hot & bothered - I ALSO asked her if she got my message (the voice mail I left her on New Year) and she said she had no idea why I would want to wish her well for 2008...

Her parting words were "I'll be happy when I get this divorce" and then she turned her back on me & walked off...

She seemed "fairly calm" throughout this small exchange between us, but somehow there were undertones of anger coming through (I think) so perhaps this is because 14 months later she is no closer to being divorced than she was the day she walked out?


I pray this interaction has planted some seeds towards reconciliation somehow

Best wishes & blessings
CM


PLEASE continue praying for US to be restored in all HIS glory

[4kids]

Hang in there man, God is good.

Galatians 6:

7Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

N.

[SUMMER]

CM,

Thanks for the summary!

Clearly you both suffered many important losses and had to handle much challenge from 1996 - 2004 -- and that had to have deeply impacted you and your W -- both as individuals and as a working unit as a couple. Your "norm" was always fraught with drama of one sort or another.

But there seems to be "something" missing from 2004 to when it all fell apart in 2006.

It was during this time span of relative calm after the storm when "something" played out.

And it is vital that you figure this out b/c your answers lie in whatever played out from 2004 forward. While the genesis of the marriage deteriorating may have begun prior to 2004 -- the death knoll rang after 2004.

Perhaps you'd both learned to function as independents within the confines of the marriage -- and then when the crisis and challenges ended -- you could no longer meld back into working as a couple.

Or perhaps your partnership works best with a shared goal or challenge to be met -- such as all that you had to deal with between 1996 - 2004.

But clearly "something" happened or changed once the storms of life calmed down.

And what do you see as YOUR part in the breakdown of the marriage?

Your wife is clearly very VERY angry at you for "some" reason. And I believe you do know where it stems from.

If she was answering the question...what would she say was your role in the breakdown of your marriage? What are her main complaints?

Also, how old are you and your wife? I wonder if that plays into this at all too.

- were were chatting about dancing and she casually mentioned that 95% of ladys liked men who knew how to dance BUT my wife was not one of them

- this lady also said IF my wife comes back I would have to give up my dancing & that I would only have this year left (to dance)

- she closed off by saying "be careful what you wish for"

All I can say is...VERY strange.

Why does she think your wife doesn't like men who dance?? Is that true to your knowledge? Is there more to this than you've explained? For instance, did your W ever think partner dancing was inappropriate for a married man? Was jealousy or flirtatious behavior on your part -- innocent and harmless or not -- an issue during your marriage?

As to "Standing" vs standing in the way of allowing a spouse to get the divorce they want...scripture says we should follow the lead of the father in the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32).

If someone wants to leave we should let them go with love. We are not to stand in their way.

Standing in the way of the WAS -- continuing to create blocks -- dragging things out -- is not scriptural nor smart. All it does is create a "prisoner mentality" which is not conducive to restoration.

It generates an even stronger desire for the WAS to want to go -- and creates enormous hostility and resentment towards the LBS -- whose actions are actually selfish in both reality and perception.

While the "Stander" should do NOTHING to instigate the divorce or separation -- nor to speed it along or force the situation -- they should not ever stand in the way of their spouse leaving -- or hinder their efforts to get the divorce.

They should protect themselves financially and in all other ways -- but ultimately it ironically does not serve reconciliation or restoration to prolong the divorce process.

Most, if not all, restored marriages happened b/c the LBS finally let go and accepted the situation with grace -- and thus created the space for a restoration.

If the WAS has to expend all their energy in conflict constantly fighting the LBS for their freedom -- there is no room for God to act.

I sense enormous hostility on your W's part. Which means she is feeling trapped and resentful. Is there anything you can do to remedy this?

Anyway...food for thought. You need to pray on it.

[plentyhope]

CM, Your summary really helped. Yes, it does seem that your wife is very angry and left in anger. Did she ever say why she wanted out? Have you prayed about what your next steps are to be? Is it time for an appropriate 180? I wonder what she'd do if you actually granted her the divorce? I wonder if she'd decide she doesn't want it after all!!
Will pray for you! Wow, you guys got engagad even sooner than me and my H...

[S.T. _I Made It!]

just stoppin by to send my (((cm))))

[S.T. _I Made It!]

Summer had some really good insight. I know that was what God had wanted from me, to let my H go and if he were to come back, then that was God's will at work. Taking from Paul when he said, if you unsaved spouse wants to stay married, then stay with him, but if he wants to go, then let him leave, how do you know that you will save him?" something like that.

Definitely something to pray about CM. I know it's probably against every peice of your body, but granting W what she wants, doesn't mean your not trying to save your M anymore, and it's more...you still believe in your M, "let no man break what I have bound together", and you are giving it all to God to allow him to work and fix it, not you, cause it's HIS job.

and yes, it is rather strange how much anger W has for you. well, not so much strange, as sad.

obviously, Satan is really trying to work hard to keep her out of God's hands.

One thing that has struck me is that W left all the same day and practically served papers the same day. This really tells me that she had been D from you in her mind for a very long time.

I am so glad though that you chose to rely on God and not on man, because God does move mountains!

[Confident_Me]

Thanks for the visit ST & my apologies for not visiting your thread, but know I have been following it

You might find this interesting as I came across this the other day after your comment about "let the unbeliever go"

Restore the Lock in Wedlock

This study will show the permanence of marriage as Yahweh designed it, with the hope of breaking today's cycle of broken homes. Our purpose is not to vilify those who are divorced, but to uphold the sanctity of marriage. Yahweh Himself ordained marriage and family as the fundamental social institution.

While some consider it a secular institution, Scripture teaches that marriage is a sacred union that Yahweh himself ordained at the very creation of man and woman. This fundamental institution has served society well for thousands of years.

But since the 1970s marriage has come under attack like nothing in history. As it functions today, the family institution is weak and no longer provides stability and a sense of well-being to millions of children. The undermining of the moral framework sustaining marriage and family has teamed up with an assault on Biblical faith, leading to even shakier marital unions and assisting in their unprecedented failure.

The root problem is that human wants and priorities have usurped Biblical standards in a majority of homes. True fear and respect of Yahweh are rare. An honest and zealous pursuit of his will is even more rare.

A growing number of disillusioned ministers are refusing to perform weddings out of sheer frustration with the brevity of today's marriage unions. "I marry them one week and the next week they want a divorce," a pastor lamented.

While the phrase "until death do you part" and Yahshua's words, "let no man put asunder" are repeated in wedding after wedding, the reality is that these words are considered mostly ritualistic and have little holding power today when marriage-threatening problems arise between couples. Rather than remembering their solemn vows and working through the difficulty, couples at risk are much more willing to follow the advice of a marriage counselor suggesting they just call it quits.

One major cause of broken unions is that many modern marriages are preceded by cohabitation, which statistics reveal increases the likelihood of a future breakup by 50 percent. Getting married today is more like going steady: if it isn't working, give it up and try again with someone else.

The stigma surrounding divorce is mostly gone. A century ago only 7 percent of Americans were divorced; today a staggering 60 percent of marriages fail, triple the rate of 1960. Half of all weddings now involve the remarriage of at least one spouse.

According to 2000 census data, since 1950 the rate of married couples in households has declined by nearly 30 percent..

Married couples now make up only half of all households.

Meanwhile, the number of unmarried partners living together has risen from 523,000 in 1970 to approximately 4.9 million in 2000.



Suffer the Children

The epidemic of fractured families is a strong contributing factor to the failure of our society to produce well-adjusted and balanced children. That consequence, more than any other, will impact future of society itself. The children of broken families suffer the most, thrown into an emotional free-fall when dad and mom call it quits. Consider for a moment the cost paid by these innocents:

Nearly one-third of all children today are born out of wedlock, and more than half of U.S. children will spend all or part of their childhood in a broken family. The number of children living with mothers who have never married increased to 36 percent in 1996, up from 7 percent in 1970, according to the Center for Law and Social Policy. A child raised by a single mother is seven times more likely to live in poverty than a child raised by both biological parents. Over 1 million children each year experience their parents' divorce; a total of 15.8 million children are now living with a single parent. The consequences are staggering:

·25% of those children will be high school drop-outs.

·40% need psychological help.

·65% never build a good post-divorce relationship with their fathers.

·30% never build a good post-divorce relationship with their mothers.

Compared to those who have grown up with both parents in the home, adult children of divorce are 60 percent more likely to have problems in their own marriage. This last fact is the cycle that must be broken if there is going to be any hope for the family and society itself.





The "lock" is missing in wedlock and it is time to put it back in. Almighty Yahweh takes vows very seriously, and the vow joining husband and wife in marriage lies at the very core of the family as Yahweh designed it. To violate this contract is called in Scripture a sin against Yahweh the Creator Himself.

Ultimate success in marriage hinges on the proper attitude and understanding that couples share going into it. Few couples are given marriage counseling before they go to the altar. If both spouses fail to grasp the gravity of their commitment and don't enter it with full resolve to make it work - whatever may come - then the probability is high that their marriage will eventually implode from the inevitable strains that test every marriage (Matt. 12:25).

From the beginning Yahweh created marriage between one man and one woman (Gen. 2:22). This union of male and female is the only institution that Yahweh's Word allows. At the creation of Adam and Eve the concept of one flesh was established. "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh." (Gen. 2:23).

From the beginning Yahweh made one man and one woman who complement each other perfectly in marriage.

From the start Yahweh excluded same-sex unions. Activists pushing for homosexual marriage seek to revolutionize our entire culture by breaking the backbone of society itself - the traditional man-woman family. The family should be where moral values are taught and engendered, but if the family can be redefined to include same-sex couples, then its values can be redefined and altered as well. Moral restraints lose their impact when the forbidden is being openly practiced daily.

When two people commit to marriage they are no longer two but one. The greatest unifying force between a husband and wife is in their faith. Since Yahweh commands loyalty to Him above all (Acts 5:29), both people considering marriage are to be believers. If after marriage Yahweh calls only one spouse into His Truth then the believing mate should place Yahweh first while secondarily striving to please his or her spouse, 1 Corinthians 7:12-14.



All Unions Need a Leader

An important key for a successful marriage is the understanding of the spousal roles: "But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Messiah; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of the Messiah is Elohim" (1Cor. 11:3).

The same hierarchy that exists between Father and Son also exists between husband and wife.

From the beginning Yahweh established this relationship when He told Eve: "-and your desire shall be to your husband, and he shall rule over you" (Gen. 3:16).

According to the KJV Old Testament Hebrew Lexicon the word "rule" found in Genesis 3:16 implies to "have dominion or to reign over."

The Apostle Paul also confirms this relationship, "Wives submit yourselves unto your husbands, as unto the Master. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Messiah is the head of the assembly" (Eph. 5:22).

The husband's authority is no license to abuse or exploit his wife. Because marriage between a man and a woman mirrors the unique relationship between Yahshua and the assembly, it should be apparent that Yahweh wants the relationship based on mutual love and honor.



Love Makes a Strong Union

The Apostle Paul compares Yahshua's love for the assembly to the husband's love for his wife. "Husbands love your wives, even as Messiah loved the assembly, and gave himself for it" (Eph. 5:25). Yahshua through his death and atonement demonstrated the greatest love known to man for the assembly (John 15:13). This is the same love that a husband is to have for his wife. As the Messiah died and gave all for the assembly, the husband should be willing to do the same for his wife. Once again this type of supernal love precludes the sin of spousal abuse. Yahweh's Word gives no justification for abusing one's spouse. Yahshua never abused or mistreated the assembly but cherished and valued it. In like manner, the husband should cherish and love his wife.

Paul in Titus 2:4 commands older women to teach the younger women to "love their husbands."

Love in a marriage cannot be a one-way street, but must be shared by both spouses. As Yahshua loved the assembly, the assembly loved Yahshua. A marriage will not be blessed with strength and happiness if sincere love is not at the center for both spouses.



Yahweh's Standards Ignored

Today's high divorce rates are a result in large part to a rejection of Yahweh's Word as the ultimate, moral authority. Yahweh from the beginning established marriage between one man and one woman as a lifelong union. When Yahweh created the first man and first woman he gave no provision for divorce or remarriage.

One common error among professed Bible believers is thinking that Yahweh built divorce into Old Testament regulations. There is no Old Testament statute in which Yahweh provided for divorce between two individuals lawfully united by vow.

Yahweh addresses the divorce issue in Deuteronomy 24:1-4: "When a man has taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favor in his eyes, because he has found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife. And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and gives it in her hand, and sends her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife; her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before Yahweh: and you shall not cause the land to sin, which Yahweh your Elohim gives you for an inheritance."

In this passage Yahweh is speaking about a specific circumstance. Yahweh is addressing the condition where a spouse marries another after she has been sent out or divorced by her first husband because of uncleanness. Again, it is important to understand that Yahweh is not giving justification for divorce, but is focusing on a specific situation that He tolerated because of the hardness of man's heart. The statement "-she had been defiled" in verse 4 shows that even in the Old Testament divorce and remarriage was an adulteration, even after the second spouse had died. Notice that it occurred with the second marriage while her first husband was yet alive. This understanding is no different from what Yahshua and Paul taught in the New Testament.

The Commentary on the Torah discusses Deuteronomy 24:1: "This law (vv. 1-4) has been taken as the biblical law of divorce, but it is not. It is the law governing a specific instance in which a couple might want to return to each other after they were divorced and she was remarried and then was divorced again or widowed. Divorce law in general has been derived in part from this case because of the curious fact that there is no law in the Torah telling how to get married and no law telling how to get divorced" (Richard Elliott Friedman, p. 639).

If Yahweh did command divorce in the Old Testament, why then did Yahweh command in Deuteronomy 22:19, 29 that if a husband had dishonored his wife in some fashion that he was not to "put her away all his days"?

The examples in Deuteronomy 22 and 24 show without question that divorce and remarriage was not Yahweh's will in the Old Testament.

Malachi 2:16 reads, "For Yahweh, the Elohim of Israel, says that he hates putting away-"

A unique situation is in Ezra 10, where the prophet tells Judah to straighten out their sin of marrying strange wives by separating from them, which they did.



Moses' Toleration of the People's Hard Hearts

Most who advocate Yahweh's allowance for divorce will say that Moses had the authority to grant divorce in the Old Testament.

From the New Testament it is evident that while Moses tolerated or allowed divorce, he never gave commandment from Yahweh for or against divorce.

"They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your heart suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so" (Matt. 19:7-8).

According to Yahshua, Moses only "suffered" divorce because of the hardness of man's heart. This word "suffered" is far from a command in the Greek. It is from the word epitrepo, which according to the KJV New Testament Greek Lexicon means, "to permit or allow."

Scholars speculate that the reason for Moses' toleration or allowance for divorce in the Old Testament was partly to protect the safety of wives.

To this point Matthew Henry adds, "[Messiah] rectifies their mistake concerning the law of Moses; they called it a command, [Messiah] called it but permission, a toleration. [Messiah] tells them there was a reason for this toleration, not at all to their credit. If they had not been allowed to put away their wives, when they had conceived a dislike of them, they would have used them cruelly, would have beaten and abused them, and perhaps have murdered them" (Matthew Henry Study Bible, study note on Matthew 19:8).



The New Testament 'Exception Clause'

Those who believe that the new Testament allows divorce and remarriage will point to Matthew 5:32: "But I say unto you, that whoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced commits adultery."

Here some will point to the word "fornication" and maintain that the grounds for divorce is adultery.

The word fornication is from the Greek word porneia, and is defined by the New Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible as, "harlotry, adultery, incest, idolatry, or fornication."

From this definition the word porneia has numerous meanings.

Since this is the case, this word must be interpreted in accordance with the overall context of the passage.

One point of interest for those who believe that the word porneia implies adultery instead of fornication is the fact that Yahshua used a different word in this same verse to denote adultery: "-whosoever shall marry her that is divorced commits adultery."

The word "adultery" in this passage is from the Greek word moichao, which according to the New Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible means only "adultery."

Question: If Yahshua meant adultery in the place of fornication in Matthew 5:32 (KJV), why did He not use the Greek word moichao or its Hebrew equivalent?

Why did Yahshua use two different words to express the same thing?

This passage clearly shows that he was expressing two different acts - fornication, which applies to the premarital state of engagement - and adultery, respectively.



The Significance of Engagement

To understand what Yahshua meant by the use of the word porneia in Matthew 5:32, a grasp of scriptural engagement is necessary.

Scriptural engagement was seen much differently than it is today.

In the Bible betrothal was understood as a binding relationship, the entering into of marriage.

Nave's Topical Bible under "Marriage" says, "Betrothal, a quasi-marriage, Matt. 1:18; Luke 1:27."

The KJV Study Bible verifies this, "There was no sexual relations during a Jewish betrothal period, but it was a much more binding relationship than a modern engagement and could be broken only by divorce (v. 19).

In Deut. 22:24 a betrothed woman is called a 'wife,' though the preceding verse speaks of her as being "betrothed unto a husband" (study note at Matthew 1:18).

Through the example of Joseph, Yahshua's use of "fornication" in Matthew 5:32 is now clear.

Joseph's contemplating divorcing Mary is the only account of a divorce in the New Testament, which occurred while Joseph and Mary were engaged but the marriage was yet to be finalized, Matthew 1:19.



Let Not Man Put Asunder

If any doubt existed in the minds of the Pharisees who approached Yahshua in Matthew 19, Yahshua emphatically put those doubts to rest by his statement: "Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore Elohim has joined together, let not man put asunder" (Matt. 19:6).

Yahshua categorically states in this passage that once two people have made the commitment and consummated a marriage that they are no longer two, but one. He also verifies that once this happens that no man can separate that which Yahweh has joined.

Just as it is today, Yahshua's teaching was hard for many to accept. This is obvious in His statement in verse 11: "-All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given."

Yahshua's teachings on divorce and remarriage were not the lukewarm, but for those sincerely seeking Yahweh and His will in their lives. Yahshua was reaffirming what his Father had established from the beginning:. For those who would point to the Old Testament as justification to break wedding vows, Yahshua explained, "Moses suffered you to put away your wives... but from the beginning it was not so" (Matt. 19:8).

At the beginning in Genesis it is clear that Yahweh made marriage between one man and one woman for life.



Till Death Do Us Part

In accordance with what Yahshua said in Matthew 19, the Apostle Paul reiterates the message in Romans 7:2-3: "For the woman which has a husband is bound by the law to her husband so long that he lives; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she is married to another man."

The concept that marriage is a lifelong union might seem strange in a day of runaway divorce rates. Apathetic attitudes of marriage notwithstanding, it is clear from Paul's statement that the permanence of marriage still stands.

Paul, under the inspiration of Yahshua the Messiah, taught that marriage was a lifelong institution that was only broken or dissolved only by the physical death of a spouse. Paul said that if a spouse remarried while the other spouse was yet alive that the spouse who remarried would commit adultery. This is the same thing that Yahshua taught during his ministry and the same doctrine that Yahshua was referring to when he said that not all men could receive this saying.



Not Under Bondage

The last passage to consider is 1 Corinthians 7:15: "But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage is such cases..."

Those who maintain that Yahshua and Paul permitted divorce in the New Testament claim that the word "bondage" in the above passage suggests that the believing mate is no longer obligated to his or her first spouse and is therefore free to remarry.

The first contradiction to this interpretation is found in verses 10-11: "And unto the married I command, yet not I, but Yahweh, let not the wife depart from her husband: But if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife."

According to Yahweh's command, not Paul's, if a husband and wife separated they were either to stay unmarried or be reconciled.

Notice that divorce was not an option.

The other point to consider in this passage is the meaning of the word "bondage." The word bondage is from the Greek word douloo, which according to the KJV New testament Greek Lexicon means, "to make a slave of or to reduce to bondage."

The "bondage" that this word is referring to means the marital responsibilities that one is subservient to that Paul speaks of in verses 3-6.

This word, however, is not speaking of the dissolving of the martial vow or covenant.



Yahweh Judges on the Basis of Understanding

We must follow every word that proceeds out of the mouth of Yahweh, and Yahweh makes it clear that He hates divorce. Yahshua never taught divorce. Rather, He raised the bar and restored marriage to the position it was originally meant to have before the hardness of man's heart took over. Yahshua said, "What Yahweh has joined together, let no man put asunder."

How then can man separate what Yahweh has joined?

When we consider Matthew 5:32, addressing those that are engaged rather than married, the pieces of the puzzle fit perfectly.

This understanding ties together all the loose ends that other arguments leave hanging. The only example in the New Testament of a man considering divorce was Joseph, who was not married, but engaged. Romans 7 says that a marriage covenant can only be terminated upon death.

Man cannot terminate a marriage covenant through divorce.

What does this mean, then, for those who were divorced and remarried before coming into the knowledge of the Truth?

Does this place them in a constant state of adultery or sin?

While there is no passage in Scripture where Yahweh says specifically that divorce and remarriage in ignorance before baptism is forgiven and washed away, what the Bible does say is that Yahweh winks at our ignorance, but commands that we repent after coming to the knowledge of His truth, Acts 17:30.

It is our understanding that Yahweh will acknowledge repentance that takes place at baptism, and consider the present situation.

If this situation could not be forgiven then He would never call the divorced person into His Truth in the first place. His grace and mercy extend to all who repent of past mistakes and who now go on to live for Him.

Yahweh's Restoration Ministry acknowledges Yahweh's standards as they are.

We don't accept excuses for an individual's personal situation.

Once immersed into Yahshua's Name, couples must not seek divorce or remarriage, having a much better understanding of the marital vow and how inviolate Yahweh considers it.

Marriage is a sacred covenant. Yahweh's marriage laws are designed to form a stable family environment that will produce happy, well-adjusted children reared by both a loving father and mother. Children must be taught the permanence of marriage and toward that end to choose their future mates wisely from among believers, 1Corinthians 7:39.

The cycle of broken homes must end, and it starts with knowing your future spouse very well before you recite your vows, realizing that marriage is for life.

[4kids]

Re:

Restore the Lock in Wedlock

Isn't it funny how the sexual revolution of the 60's was supposed to have freed us from all the entrapments of 'our suppressed sexuality'. Looks like it did the exact opposite. Problem is - few will go back and see what a miserable premise that was and try to return to the way things were before that cat got out of the bag.

Here's another interesting study that goes hand and hand with your reference.

http://www.sermonaudio.com/search.asp?so...+and+Remarriage

As with any other teaching, hold it up to scripture and see what is revealed to you.

N.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

thanks CM, but I dont think they went into that verse far enough.

now I'm not sure what you took from that or what you were wanting me to see.

But I still take it the same way. That it was God's will for me to let my H go so that he could bring him back to me. Now in regards to the word "bondage" I cannot say that I have the understanding to say that Paul is saying it is okay to remarry or not if you were first M to an unbeliever and they left. And at the time of my sitch, I did feel that God had a husband waiting for me and I did not know if it was my H or someone else. But I did know that I needed to let my H go and give my problem to God. And letting go also does not mean I would plan to get M again to someone else. because Paul does say the Lord commands all M people to stay together and if one leaves then let them not marry but only reconcile to the original spouse.

[Confident_Me]

Anyway, trust all is well & I thought I would just share this article with all of you

Best wishes & blessings
CM

March 10, 2008

The "Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" in Marriage



By Dave Boehi

In recent weeks I've been talking about why marriage is important in an age when an increasing number of couples are choosing to live together but not get married. I continue to receive some perceptive e-mails on the subject, and one theme keeps coming up: A recognition that we need to do a better job of showing couples how to deal with the difficult part of marriage—what one reader calls the "good, the bad, and the ugly."

"Marriage has become a negative term in this culture and society," wrote Elisha McGonagle. "We no longer look at marriage with anticipation, but with fear. Fear drives so many people in this country. People are scared that if they get married then there is the possibility of getting divorced.

"No, marriage does not guarantee a lifelong relationship, but neither does any relationship =2E..

Marriage was designed to be a lifelong relationship. The only reason it is not is because we have made it that way.

We too often look for any easy way out. If we feel unhappy, then just leave. If you feel unfulfilled, then leave. If your husband makes you mad, you can just leave."

Elisha knows first-hand the dangers of weak commitment in marriage. After she and her husband were married nearly four years, they were considering divorce. They talked with their pastor, and he said they needed to throw out the words "separate" and "divorce." "If you don't have those things as an option then you are forced to work things out. What an extraordinary thought ... we actually have to work through our issues."

She goes on:

Our country is a fast-food country. We want things easy and we want it now. No way do we want to do anything that requires effort. We go into marriage thinking that we will have the perfect little marriage and the perfect little family in the cookie-cutter house and we will never argue. Wrong! We need to know what we are actually agreeing to.

We are agreeing to stay with our spouse when things are the worst they have ever been. When they make you angry and call you names and hurt your feelings.

Marriage is not a continuous date. You now get to see the good, the bad, and the ugly.



Other readers shared some practical words on how their faith helps them deal with difficulties and conflict in marriage.

Deborah Lynn Taylor wrote that marriage is designed by the ultimate Architect of love:

Through the love of God I can love my husband. I can love his smelly socks, and I can love the cologne he wears. I can love his bad habit of not taking out the trash, and I can love the way he impeccably cleans our bedroom. God's love is patient and kind. It bears all things. It believes all things and it never fails. My husband and I have been married for seven years. And it has not been an easy road. We went from his surgery only two weeks after our wedding to losing his father.

And all in between there was confusion, money problems, new babies, miscommunication and interference from unwanted life situations.

But I remember that I love him. And I vowed to sustain through all of the good and bad times.



Misty Todd said that she said "I do" to her husband, she meant that commitment to last.

"I don't know how in the world people do it without Christ, though," she wrote. "He is the center of our home, and we still have days that we could really hurt each other without Christ at the center of their hearts and lives."



Finally, Sherry Jennings wrote to remind us that "One of the most important distinctions of marriage the way God intended is that it is a covenant, not just a commitment or a contract.

In marriage the way God intended, each spouse promises to love the other regardless of the other's performance."

Sherry concluded her e-mail with some powerful words:

A marriage is about seeing each other through God's eyes, hearing each other with God's ears, lifting each other with God's hands, encouraging each other with God's Words, and loving each other with God's heart. Marriage is about choosing each day, each minute, to honor God with our words and actions, and in turn, we honor our spouses. Marriage is recognizing that God created my husband specifically for me ->

How can I not love, honor, treasure a perfect gift from my perfect God?

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