Thanks frank, Bill, nic, and CIAZ. And the others who sent wishes.
Had a good "D-night". Made ME a special meal. Had a few drinks to celebrate but I did not over indulge. I did get some spinish dip - my Ex and I liked spinish dip so it brought back many memories. But good ones - about the love we shared. I was not sad at all.
Plus some memories about what creative things you can do with food!
Overall a good evening.
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Backslid a little yesterday. My weekend with the kids and I had to take S10 to basketball practice. In walks xW. Says "hope you don't mind but S10 asked me to come". Then Ex plays with D6 while we watch the practice.
At least she was not with anyone.
All together, just like a "whole" family.
I said nothing but I did mind. I don't cut into 'her' time and she gets them more. But she does not give a sh*it about my feelings. It hurt.
She tried to engage in conversation: "where did you get those great jeans for D6?", "S10 is playing well, is he not?", "how is work going?", etc. I gave one word answers.
So my little boy in me got to come out and play a bit. But so what. It still hurts to deal with her when she is hurting me. Or to say it correctly: when I allow myself to be hurt by her. I will figure out how to be at ease in these sort of situations.
Maybe when I show up at practice arm-in-arm with someone else
I am one year post divorce this past December. At this point in time, I don't even get the shivers any more when my ex-wife calls, texts, or emails.
I saw her at Christmas time to exchange the boys and I can honestly say, there is nothing there anymore inside of me towards her. I recognize the face, can see flashes of the person she used to be, but that's about it.
You will get there too. And to be sure, should you reach the point of walking arm in arm with another, you will know what I mean.
Just like we tell the new people who come to this place in such pain...there are positives even in the midst of the chaos. As time passes we find ourselves more and more able to both SEE those positive and ENJOY them. I know that you know just what I'm talking about.
You know that I have found the ultimate truth in the midst of this mess - that it is possible you will find new love one day. And I can tell you that when that happens, it has an amazing capacity for bringing that final dose of inner healing that we all long for. God has blessed me with Deb, and he will bless you too one day.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Actually tonight I had my first dinner in my new place...one that I actually cooked. Sitting at the table alone brought back memories but realized that my XW is not ther person that I married. Not sure what it is all about.....if she will return....but certainly not the person that I married. I know people change, but not that much.
Jeff, glad to hear that you did something for yourself tonight. It does get better. It will be strange though now that you are legally single again, but it gets better!
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
The D is final. She can't hurt you anymore. It is up to you to not allow it. Like Bill said, Life does get better and you will find someone when the time is right.
When you can do the things you both used to do and not have negative thoughts; have good memories and know that it doesn't hurt when you think about it, you know you are on your way.
It is time for you to focus on Jeff. It seems to me that your W needs your support, your advice and encouragement. While that is great and you should treat her with unconditional love, it is time she made her own decisions without you. She got what she wanted but somehow I don't think she knows what it truly entails yet.
In my eyes, she is concerned that you are going to move on and by contacting you, she keeps you at bay.
You have survived. You have reached the top of the mountain. Check the view and stay awhile. Can you see what is ahead of you? Dream it and do it.
Hugs, ISLH
Me: 49 - S22 & S26 H: 41 - No kids M: 10/00 Bomb New Year's Day 2006 H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07 D final 07/07 Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
After your situation I am not so sure. I am still not looking forward to meeting the OM. No, I still have no proof but just that feeling.
Echo!! Long time my friend. You must be close or D'ed yourself by now but Canada is as slow as Alabama here. Hope all is well with you - have a great 2008!
Lissie -
Quote:
So you are available?
No. I don't "feel" single yet and I am not venturing out into the water just yet. I will be fixing up my house over the next few months so that will be my "excuse" not to venture out. But I need to get past that fear one day.
Slow for now. I need to feel divorced.
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Update: xW closed on her house yesterday and moves tomorrow. She is in a big hurry all of a sudden. Could not blast her out of the house before. Guess it is the promise of a great and wonderful new life without Mr. Lowlife (me).
She asked to keep the kids Thursday so they can "help" move. I think she needs the support. I said yes.
I still have a problem figuring out my boundaries. Thursday is my day with the kids but I felt the bad guy if I did not let them stay with her. A favorite reference book of mine says that a personal boundary is soild when you are used to hearing and saying 'NO'. So I still have some growth to do.
Anyway I am happy with my decision to let the kids stay with her. One day will not kill me and I don't need the negative energy of feeling that I made a decision out of spite.
Guess I need to find a female who is good with tools! LOL.
I don't stop here often -- I guess I'm not really done either but there isn't anything I can do to change the D. That's what XH wanted and in this state the spouse has no choice.
However, I just stopped to let you know there are girls/women out there with power tools that like to use them. Supposedly Home Depot is a great place to meet guys but I sure haven't met any. I did just add a mitre saw to my collection and I'm remodeling the only hovel I could afford to buy on one-fifth the income with 50% of the bills.
So, go play at Home Depot and perhaps you'll find a lady to help you with that remodeling. If Alabama wasn't so far away, I'd volunteer. I couldn't charge anyone since I'm slower than a 7-year itch but it's hard to get 'er done in the evenings after work.
Supposedly Home Depot is a great place to meet guys but I sure haven't met any. I did just add a mitre saw to my collection and I'm remodeling the only hovel I could afford to buy on one-fifth the income with 50% of the bills.