This woman is NOT your friend. And there was nothing "accidental" about her comments. Who knows what her true agenda is...but it is not helpful or respectful to you or your stand for your marriage. And she is certainly NOT speaking for your wife! Shake her off!
She is one of "Satan's agents." I don't mean she is evil. Just that Satan can and does use anyone and all of us for his purposes -- usually unknown to the person -- to do his bidding.
Her comments about "When are you going to get it? I hope you are moving on with your life." should send up huge red flags for you. Anytime -- anywhere -- anyone -- ever says anything like that...instantly know it is Satan speaking through them.
Never engage with these people. Just calmly reply, "Thank you for thinking of me. I am doing quite well and I am on the path that God is leading me to be on."
NEVER ever ever tell anyone who is not like-minded of your "stand." This is not wise. Never engage, never explain, never defend. Instead just deflect.
Summer, thank you for your guidance in this matter & my apologies for taking so long to respond
I have been digesting all you have said here & it is nigh time I STOP engaging these naysayers as you so rightly put!!
As to breaking off with the hairdresser that you and your wife share...I have mixed feelings on this. I would only do this if you feel God is leading you to do this.
Otherwise you may be interfering in a conduit that God wants you to have -- and that He has put in place for His own reasons.
Nothing in what you posted leads me to see that God wants you to close down this channel of communication. Instead it just sounds like YOU are trying to manipulate and control this situation for your own purposes. And the truth is that you can't force anything.
Going to the same hairdresser may or may not be quelling your W's curiosity. You don't know this.
And how do you possibly know what God may be using this channel for? You don't.
No matter what you do to try and manipulate and control a situation -- if it isn't on God's agenda...it isn't going to work out as you hope. Pray on this before you act.
I would think you are clever enough to keep this channel of communication open and to carefully use it to your advantage. I don't believe in coincidences -- so I have to believe it is a holy channel.
But you should become very mysterious when you're there. Act very happy and be very non-specific -- so that you control what information will possibly get back to your W.
Summer, it's great to have you in my "camp" as I was soooooooo wanting to shake things up a tad by closing down this relationship with our mutual hairresser
Your reply confirmed that I need to keep this channel open until I am led otherwise
And BTW, is it possible that this woman who hopes your moving on with your life...may hope you'll "move on" in HER direction?? Just a thought! Otherwise she is just a "wooden spoon" trying to stir up trouble!
This lady has known my wife & I for a LONG time & she is considerably older than I am and she has never once made a pass at me - we have a friendship & I've trusted her with everything I've told her
She knows pretty much everything that is going on in my life as I tend to update her every other week or so...
This lady has told me that she is not prepared to be a go-between my wife & I and IF / WHEN my wife wants to communicate something to me then my wife should do that directly ----> I remember her words going something like "I don't want to be used as a canvas..."
She seems adament my wife will not be coming home, ever!!
Good luck!
Summer
Thank you for your kind words & I pray you will be able to hang around my threads until my marriage IS restored
Since I don't know enough of your story yet -- the idea of a phone call gives me pause. When did you last have an in person visit, a phone call or any kind of contact?? And how did she react? What is the tenor of your relationship now? Are you two "friends" and on cordial friendly terms??
So we have not had any verbal contact since then & subsequent to that exchange, my wife sent me quite an qaggressive sms (text message) on the 11th August 2207 on the day of my birthday party HERE is the actual transcript
If you have a nice relationship with her -- and your in person or phone calls go well -- then I say GO FOR IT!!
But, if she isn't thrilled with in person or phone calls with you -- then I think sending her an email or some other breezy contact is a better choice and quite fine.
I think as long as you haven't been in some constant pursuit of her -- using any and all excuses to contact her -- then a New Years wish is lovely.
As you can see, I've backed off COMPLETELY since I emailed her the birthday party invite in August 2007 & have not heard a peep from her since then either
Sometimes I think we all over think things. We all should work towards coming to a place where we just treat and deal with our spouses as we do any other "friend."
She appears to want nothing to do with me so that makes it hard to deal with - it's as if I do not exist
Again, it really depends on if your overtures of friendship are well received.
But I always err on the side of kindness. And I think wishing someone you love a Happy New Year is loving and kind.
Hope this helps!
And BTW...HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU!!
And to you too summer PLUS everyone else here who has been so KIND towards me
thank you ST & a GREAT one to you & yours too (TWO)
and thank you for all the advice on dancing! it will take a lot of courage for me to do any of it, but I hope someday I will.
My pleasure - I do pray it's sound advice - merely my humble perspective from my experiences over the last year!
It ocurred to me today, that having a "serious" dance parter is very much like a relationship - trust, communcation, energy & kindness is needed in order for the partnership to prosper
I'll read the rest later, I have to go now, but wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you!
ST, thank you & just know you;re never far from my thoughts & prayers too
Thank you CM for your kind words and wishes. BTW, how's the dancing going? I need to get back into it and plan to starting this Tue. ~PH
It's the least I can do - to encourage people here when their faith falters or misss a beat cos I know I've been there too
Thanks for asking about the dancing - it's going GREAT this year so far & our instructor says she has seen an improivement since last year already
It's a BLESSING our Heavenly Father has given me (via my Mum, of course ) so I'm grateful that I seem to have some talent with my dancing
I sometimes think the dancing keeps me too busy as I only get home most nights after 21h30 but I'm re-working my daily schedule so that I can get everything balanced - a bit of a work_in_progress here, I'm afraid
Hey CM, I went to Charleston class tonight. It was great. I do need to relax more when dancing and take it a little less seriously. I think it's that I'm scared of not following correctly. Sometimes the leads get upset when the follow gets it wrong.... I nearly didn't make it home because my car ran out of windshield washer fluid and I was driving with a very dirty (opague) windshield!!
WOW, CM, you're getting a lot of good advice here. Summer, you are awesome! You sound like a counselor. I think she is right, CM, pray for God's guidance about changing hairdressers. God may be using that to keep the lines of communication open.
Well, based on those comments from SUMMER and not receiving a clear lead from the Spirit in terms of terminating all contact points, I've remained with my (our) hairdresser
C.M., did you contact your w on New Year's Eve? I called my h on New Year's Day. He didn't answer, so I left a voice mail. The next day, he came over needing a ladder. He's been gone for over a year and not needed a the ladder and he wasn't even going to use it that day. I pray constantly that God will give my h some little excuse to call or contact me. Over the past 3 weeks, he's called about a crockpot, a spoon, a ladder and a birth certificate. I think when we get back together, I'll write a book with that as the title. LOL
Well, you beat me to it Di - YES, I did "try" and contact my wife on New Year's eve around 22h52 but it went to voicemail even though I hid my caller ID - she has not responded, but something happned today that I will expound later...
I'm praying that the Holy Spirit will give your wife some little reason to call or contact you.
God's blessings, Ladydi
Thanks & BLESS you for your prayers Di - HE DOES work behind the mountain, I'm sure
Well...from reviewing the links -- I can tell you to a certainty -- that the one thing your W is NOT...is indifferent to you!
And, as I am famous for explaining on DB...the opposite of love is NOT hate -- it is indifference.
So while it may not seem like much -- take heart! She still feels PASSION about you.
And as much as she may wish she was indifferent about you...she is not.
Interesting...isn't it??
SUMMER, thanks for this info too - I've felt this for quite a while also!
My wife HAS exhibited a fair bit of agression towards me - via her legal counsel & various sms's (text messages)...
Do you think you might find the time to go through all of my threads eventually - I would be most grateful
Here's my HUGE update for today and I was going to add some other stuff which happened about a week ago - to do with "that" lady who gives me hints about my wife (despite her saying this is something she would not do - be an agent for my wife in other words).
Ok, so here is is people - it's a BIGGIE (for me anyways )
I bumped into my WIFE today today unexpectedly and experienced her frustration & anger for me - I was calm and non judgmental as far as I remember - I was in our local supermarket where we BOTH used to shop together when I saw her coming down the aisle towards me.
I took me a bit by surprise & I moved towards the dairy section and she came around the corner straight at me...yikes!
She asked me "Why is this taking so long" referring to the divorce proceedings SHE instituted the DAY she left me and all I replied was "I thought you would know by now" as I did not want to say anything to enforce her guilt, etc.
EDITED: after I said the above, she paused for a "fraction" and said: "You know it's been a year already??"
She asked me why I had phoned my lawyer (not sure how she came by this knowledge) and I said it had nothing to do with our "case" but that it was about something "else" - my lawyer had called looking for a generator (the business I'm in) and I merely returned her call - I did not let my wife know what the call was about though...
I asked if she was well & she said she was "very well" although she kinda looked hot & bothered - I ALSO asked her if she got my message (the voice mail I left her on New Year) and she said she had no idea why I would want to wish her well for 2008...
Her parting words were "I'll be happy when I get this divorce" and then she turned her back on me & walked off...
She seemed "fairly calm" throughout this small exchange between us, but somehow there were undertones of anger coming through (I think) so perhaps this is because 14 months later she is no closer to being divorced than she was the day she walked out?
I pray this interaction has planted some seeds towards reconciliation somehow
Best wishes & blessings CM
PLEASE continue praying for US to be restored in all HIS glory
