status

[fb2]

Ann, Its hard to be friends with someone who's destroyed the family and seems to be saying its better for all concerned and seems to be using the friendship to promote this. She seems to be thinking - "this is nice, we can be friends ... maybe I can now get the money I want more easily ...".

Every which way I look there are divorced women and "counselors" who will probably casually validate whatever she's done. So I'm wondering if her cooling off comes more from these sources than from my efforts. In other words her ranting and raving was associated with the guilt of a WAW but after talking with a bunch of these "enablers" for months like the kids' teachers, people she works with, neighbors, etc. who feed her the usual lines: "kids are resilient ...", "its better for the kids there are no arguments ...", "you don't divorce your kids ...", "you'll feel better in time, I promise you ...", "you look good ...". Note I'm not even considering OM in the equation.

Sorry I had to vent a bit ... been taking it on the chin too long.

[smith18]

My W seems to be thinking the same thing - lets just be friends and she will get more from me. I kind of blew up on her this morning telling her to get her end rolling on the D. I told her I want to start seeing her stuff moving out of my house.

We both sound like we are married to the same woman.

[Lanzo]

Hey fb2,

Then she tells me that I'm looking more relaxed living on my own and maybe that's a good thing for me. I validate that too. Actually "her" new car was a sorry mess - littered with empty bottles, papers, food wrappings, credit card receipts, parking tickets, stains on the seats, and it reminded me of what life was like with her.

This shows you've come a long way and she's noticed. Keep showing her you're the great guy she's gonna miss out on.

It seems like what she wants is to settle things in her favor financially directly with me as the lawyers have not bought into her false claims. Should I ask my lawyer to come down hard, take her to court and finish it up?

Just let W know that all legal stuff will be sorted fairly by the lawyers, in the meantime you and her can still be friends (Grrr!!)

Hey just a though, next time offer to clean her car if she drops by sometime. (that will throw her for a loop).

[fb2]

Lan, As always thanks for the advice; today I had a bigger dosage of W.

Hey just a though, next time offer to clean her car if she drops by sometime. (that will throw her for a loop).

Makes for a good a good 180

Should add she ordered an OMlette (OM in the background? ;-) for breakfast and wanted to pay for it herself so I let her (loose rope remember). What's interesting is she put some of it on my plate saying it was too much for her. I ate some then she put some more on when I got up for a glass of water. I put it back on her plate saying it was too much for me and she finished it up. Six months ago said she hated me so much she wanted to kill me or kill herself.

She commented S7 and D11 where both artistic and she wondered where they got that from. I said I know where "from you!" and she glows and acts very modest. So we know her primary LL!

Also the meeting lasted an hour and she gave me a ride to work afterwards because she knows otherwise I'd walk the 1.5 miles or so. And I confess when she tried to bait me on the money and legal issues I did start to get hot under the collar.

[Lian]

Hi Lan,

I tried to contact you via PM but it says

"This user is over their private topic limit"

[fb2]

W called a couple of times today on a couple of minor things. I need to prepare for the kids coming to me in a couple of days. Otherwise things are rather slow, except that I'm catching up on other work that piles up when I have the kids around.

[fb2]

My auto insurance is up for renewal. W's car is on the policy and I have been paying the premiums for W for the last year. She has ignored repeated requests to get her own insurance and also to pay her fair share. So I have canceled the policy effective the renewal date and I'm getting my own separate insurance. I have notified W by e-mail so she has over 2 weeks to get her act together on this. I have a signed statement from her that she would get her own insurance from 12/1/07 which she did not do.

I hope this does not dampen my progress in DBing. But W has to realize there are consequences and its time I asserted myself and got down to brass tacks in separating my love for W from the financial mess she created. Any feedback would be appreciated.

[Lanzo]

Fb2,

Business is business and you've let W know what the score is with the insurance.

On the Db'ing front you carry on as normal. In your next chat with W you can let her know that you/lawyers are dealing with the legal stuff sensibly, but in the meantime you and her can still progress things in a friendly manner. This gets her to see there are two sides to events, legal stuff and personal stuff.

[john210]

Fb2,
I here you on the finances...my W is not very good at that either. I agree with what you are doing, this should give her a little jolt...I bet I would have paid the premiums because I am such a sap.

[fb2]

Thanks Lan. After the e-mail she called a couple of times before I plucked up the courage to call her back. She found out that on her own she'll pay a much higher premium - no multi-car and home insurance discounts plus the buffering effect of my safe/senior driving - don't know what tickets she's got

So she tried to broker a deal where she continues on my policy and pays for it but I said its better she gets her own so she can pay directly not thru' lawyers; besides she didn't pay for last year why would I think she's going to pay for this year. She tried again and I said I'll think about it but meanwhile she should shop around because she's not covered as of Feb 7.

I then shifted gears to S7's testing, the wonderful weather, the bad economy and the presidential election. I agreed with her that it would be best to have a women president for a change and she approved. I tried to get her to meet next week but she pushed back so I did not pursue it.