Hey Fender. I understand that i am stuck with her. I understand that others have it worse. And i understand that i cant carry this anger.
But I expressed my displeasure with what she did in a very respectful manner. I did not yell or carry on about it. She chose to try and dismiss my feelings as usual and I let it drop and went skating with my kids.
But I do feel like I have every right to be angry with her over this. I think my reaction to that anger was in line. I confronted the issue in a respectful manner. All I'm doing now Fender is venting my frustrations in an attempt to process and move forward from it. Again....healthy IMHO.
I was just commenting to a friend the other day that I wish we didn't have to 'keep' the X b/c of the kid connection. The other night, my X called twice in the evening and I answered b/c I thought maybe the girls needed me. But nope, it was just him. I'd love to go a couple of weeks w/o contact.
Sorry that your X is being an irresponsible parent. That is tough. Wish I had some great words of wisdom about not letting it bother you or blah blah blah, but I don't. They can be frustrating as h3ll! So keep taking care of you and keep being that advocate your kids deserve.
Speaking of OP in our kids' lives, I was talking to OW's X last night and he said what kills him is going to pick up his girls and the 4 of them (OW, his D12 and D9 and my X) are sitting on the couch together and he just feels rage that my x has taken his place in his family. The good news in all of that for me is that not once have I picked up my kids and had OW there. Lucky me. Cuz I know that would suck. And then D6 told me the other day that even tho we are D'd, that doesn't mean we can't live in the same house. I just laughed and said 'yes it does'. Can you imagine me making coffee for OW in the morning???!!!
Take care, S2H. Love sharing the craziness w/ ya. So don't feel alone.
Thanks Bean. You know I'll let it go. Already am. Her behavior really doesn't keep me down for long. I'm good sweetie.
Thanks so much sweet julie! And I know I have it SO good compared to you. I really do. I don't know how you do it sweetie. I really don't!!!
P's mother lives with her and her dad and step mom live across the street. It was a super ugly D and he was (and is) a super jerk. BAD stuff. But now her mom and step mom are good friend's and she has forgiven her X. How? I do not know. But it gives me hope.
I was just commenting to a friend the other day that I wish we didn't have to 'keep' the X b/c of the kid connection. The other night, my X called twice in the evening and I answered b/c I thought maybe the girls needed me. But nope, it was just him. I'd love to go a couple of weeks w/o contact.
ITA Jules!!! Sooooo many times I look at the caller ID and DON'T want to answer, but I know I have to because of the kids. I am so comfortable in my life except when I have to talk to him.And that is part of the reaon behind my wanting to handle things with him through e-mail....that and the fact that he seems to only remember twisted conversations where I agree with him, even though it never happened!!! And amazingly he has no memory of the name calling and accusations he throws at me.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
suzy, I am sooo much happier since we took most, if not all, of our R/business talk to e-mail! now when I see h, it still sucks, but its all small talk for the most part, so its not threatening or too terribly annoying.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I was actually talking with a friend today about this. Obviously we will need to find a way to deal with conflict. Because if we are going to parent together than we will have conflict. So I may ask her how she wants to communicate about this stuff and limit it to that.
Well, and it is getting easy to converse w/ X. So talking to him the other day wasn't a big deal other than I want to pick and choose. I want to be able to choose to not talk to him for a week or two if I don't want to. Yet, I answer b/c the kids might need me.
So it does get easier, the closer you get to the D and all. It is amazingly easier to talk to my X now and before I would get all frazzled. But sheesh...
