Hey, CM- don't have much time to drop by the board, but think about and pray for you daily. This time of year can be hard, but the Lord has blessed me by having H call me a couple of times and come by the house once. God does heal hurting marriages. Blessings, Di
Thanks for dropping by, Di
Well, it's nearing "that" time of the year AGAIN & I really thought things would have moved towards some type of reconciliation by now...
I wonder if New Year's Eve would be appropriate for some contact - a text message or something like that
One thing I AM doing with immediate effect is to cut ties with "our" current hairdresser as it's a pipeline directly to my wife - I dunno, in my efforts to get a life, I still get this feeling too much of what I do gets back to my wife & thus quells her curiousity
In that vein, I inadvertently got some "news" about my wife last week - a mutual aquaintance & I were talking about DANCING (duh) and she mentioned that most girls LIKE men who dance, but it was unfortunate that my wife was not one of those girls!!
Now to me that's odd; firstly as this person said she would not act as a go-between (my wife had come to see her about 2 months back and she got the impression my wife was attempting to use her as a "messenger") and 2ndly, my wife absolutely LOVED dancing and we had planned on going to classes TOGETHER (someday).
Ok, so not sure if this was an "accidental slip" from this lady OR if it was on purpose for some reason?
One thing I know, this lady said to me "When are you goiing to get it? I hope you are moving on with your life"
I asked her not to get into that as she knew where I "stood" ----> SHE does NOT get it that I'm standing for my marriage, sigh
Anyways, just a few thoughts from little 'ol me at 03h15 here... feel free to add your comments
In that vein, I inadvertently got some "news" about my wife last week - a mutual acquaintance & I were talking about DANCING (duh) and she mentioned that most girls LIKE men who dance, but it was unfortunate that my wife was not one of those girls!!
Now to me that's odd; firstly as this person said she would not act as ago-between (my wife had come to see her about 2 months back and she got the impression my wife was attempting to use her as a "messenger") and 2ndly, my wife absolutely LOVED dancing and we had planned on going to classes TOGETHER (someday).
Ok, so not sure if this was an "accidental slip" from this lady OR if it was on purpose for some reason?
One thing I know, this lady said to me "When are you going to get it? I hope you are moving on with your life"
I asked her not to get into that as she knew where I "stood" ----> SHE does NOT get it that I'm standing for my marriage, sigh
This woman is NOT your friend. And there was nothing "accidental" about her comments. Who knows what her true agenda is...but it is not helpful or respectful to you or your stand for your marriage. And she is certainly NOT speaking for your wife! Shake her off!
She is one of "Satan's agents." I don't mean she is evil. Just that Satan can and does use anyone and all of us for his purposes -- usually unknown to the person -- to do his bidding.
Her comments about "When are you going to get it? I hope you are moving on with your life." should send up huge red flags for you. Anytime -- anywhere -- anyone -- ever says anything like that...instantly know it is Satan speaking through them.
Never engage with these people. Just calmly reply, "Thank you for thinking of me. I am doing quite well and I am on the path that God is leading me to be on."
NEVER ever ever tell anyone who is not like-minded of your "stand." This is not wise. Never engage, never explain, never defend. Instead just deflect.
Quote:
One thing I AM doing with immediate effect is to cut ties with "our" current hairdresser as it's a pipeline directly to my wife - I dunno, in my efforts to get a life, I still get this feeling too much of what I do gets back to my wife & thus quells her curiosity
As to breaking off with the hairdresser that you and your wife share...I have mixed feelings on this. I would only do this if you feel God is leading you to do this.
Otherwise you may be interfering in a conduit that God wants you to have -- and that He has put in place for His own reasons.
Nothing in what you posted leads me to see that God wants you to close down this channel of communication. Instead it just sounds like YOU are trying to manipulate and control this situation for your own purposes. And the truth is that you can't force anything.
Going to the same hairdresser may or may not be quelling your W's curiosity. You don't know this.
And how do you possibly know what God may be using this channel for? You don't.
No matter what you do to try and manipulate and control a situation -- if it isn't on God's agenda...it isn't going to work out as you hope. Pray on this before you act.
I would think you are clever enough to keep this channel of communication open and to carefully use it to your advantage. I don't believe in coincidences -- so I have to believe it is a holy channel.
But you should become very mysterious when you're there. Act very happy and be very non-specific -- so that you control what information will possibly get back to your W.
And BTW, is it possible that this woman who hopes your moving on with your life...may hope you'll "move on" in HER direction?? Just a thought! Otherwise she is just a "wooden spoon" trying to stir up trouble!
Summer, thanks for your kind reply & the MANY thought provoking references you've given me
I have been toying with the idea of contacting my wife tonight to wish her for New Year - just a quick call to ask her how she is & wish her - short and sweet!
Since I don't know enough of your story yet -- the idea of a phone call gives me pause. When did you last have an in person visit, a phone call or any kind of contact?? And how did she react? What is the tenor of your relationship now? Are you two "friends" and on cordial friendly terms??
If you have a nice relationship with her -- and your in person or phone calls go well -- then I say GO FOR IT!!
But, if she isn't thrilled with in person or phone calls with you -- then I think sending her an email or some other breezy contact is a better choice and quite fine.
I think as long as you haven't been in some constant pursuit of her -- using any and all excuses to contact her -- then a New Years wish is lovely.
Sometimes I think we all over think things. We all should work towards coming to a place where we just treat and deal with our spouses as we do any other "friend."
Again, it really depends on if your overtures of friendship are well received.
But I always err on the side of kindness. And I think wishing someone you love a Happy New Year is loving and kind.
and thank you for all the advice on dancing! it will take a lot of courage for me to do any of it, but I hope someday I will.
I'll read the rest later, I have to go now, but wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
wow summer, you are so confident! I am never so confident in my advice. you had great things to say, and definitely Godly things!
hope your doing well CM
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I want to wish ALL of you here the richest blessings form ABOVE and ultimately to have our marriages restored - also a HUGE thanks to those of you who have contributed on my threads so unslefishly!!
Let's STAND for our Marriages in FAITH and keep our eyes upon our Heavenly Father DESPITE what the world tells and/ or says to us
Thank you CM for your kind words and wishes. BTW, how's the dancing going? I need to get back into it and plan to starting this Tue. ~PH
WOW, CM, you're getting a lot of good advice here. Summer, you are awesome! You sound like a counselor. I think she is right, CM, pray for God's guidance about changing hairdressers. God may be using that to keep the lines of communication open.
C.M., did you contact your w on New Year's Eve? I called my h on New Year's Day. He didn't answer, so I left a voice mail. The next day, he came over needing a ladder. He's been gone for over a year and not needed a the ladder and he wasn't even going to use it that day. I pray constantly that God will give my h some little excuse to call or contact me. Over the past 3 weeks, he's called about a crockpot, a spoon, a ladder and a birth certificate. I think when we get back together, I'll write a book with that as the title. LOL
I'm praying that the Holy Spirit will give your wife some little reason to call or contact you.
feel free to add your comments 
