I don't like to seem down when I interact with her. That makes me feel bad. I do like when I am upbeat but netural may be best.
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Nothing new really. W still is looking forward to moving. I went to the house to pick up the kids and she insisted on showing me all she has done. She is not closing for three weeks but she has packed a lot of stuff. Her best girlfriend was over helping her and cheering her on no doubt.
I sensed again that she wanted me to 'confirm' what a great job she was doing. I basically kept my trap shut. In fact, I had to cut things short. She was not gloating or even appeared happy really - she just seemed down and like she needed me to confirm that she was doing well and that everything would be okay.
She has left me some stuff I thought she would take. That is good but I do not want too much of the old stuff. Better to start fresh. My hobby stuff was well covered in the settlement agreement so I was not concerned about that. She asked about 'trading' some stuff. I have no problem in that I am not attached to anything specifically.
I am looking forward to leaving this apartment. It has been great but time to move.
This is all so senseless in a way. But as Nic points out they take and take and give nothing back. That is no way to live or to love. I best avoid that co-dependence trap this time.
More of the same. W calls me at work. She has been saying "Jeff, this is xxx" in a business-like tone. Today it was a big "Hey" like we always did to each other in happier times. I almost did not realize it was her.
She first asked about the kids - I had them this weekend and today school restarted after Christmas break. She was very upbeat and talked like we were still together.
Then she asked about insurance on her new house and other inspection things to support the final closing. She was clueless on so many things but I am not so sure she knew but wanted to "run it by" me first, like she always did.
I felt a bit used again but I was as helpful as I could be - WTF does it matter. I don't need this co-dependent stuff but I don't need to act like a child either.
Then she asked about some final paperwork I received from her attorney. I told her I could not provide info or sign until I talked to my lawyer. She became upset, not angry but in a 'concerned' sort of way. She said that she thought we would sign all this stuff "together". I said she should sign first and I would get with my lawyer after. She almost started to cry like she needed us to do it together.
But she agreed to sign first and we left it at that. But she followed up shortly with an email:
"Thank you. I'll try to get over to see my lawyer this afternoon, but I feel like a juggler with too many balls in the air. Thanks again for all your help."
This stuff about not being a 'little boy' is hard work.
Forgot to email you at Christmas. Hope Deb is well and your family too.
Good advice. Slowly I am coming to put all this into focus. I have been solid since I let go of the anger a few months back and I like it.
Work is going better and I like the "new" interaction with W. I think she wants to reach out but she "needs" the D. And I accept that. Last few interactions have been good - no false aires on my part as you call them. I just let her interact.
She is scared and uncertain. All I can do is to support her unconditionally. And I am.
But in my thoughts of the future she has faded into a shadow. Now I am thinking of me, my goals, my life ... and maybe a new love.
I once talked about being on top of the mountain. I will not say it this time, b/c in the past I always fell off.
I will not say it - instead I will live it. A little more each day.
Both you and our friend FIB are sounding very strong. It's great to hear you there.
Moving forward in confidence with the peace inside that comes from KNOWING you are strong and capable of anything is a sure fire way to know that what lies ahead will be great. Regardless of what it is.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
An Affidavit saying there is "incompatability of temperament", that we "cannot live together as husband and wife", we are not "mentally compatible", and that it is "in our benefit and in out best interest" that divorce be granted.
And last but not least: The Final Decree of Divorce.
So it is done. Lawyer walked it across the street to the courthouse. Good news: the affidavit means I don't have to appear in court.
Only thing missing was the blindfold, the cigarette, and the drumroll.
Or at least they could have thrown in a lap dancer!
I found an old calendar. On January 21, 2006 my wife told me she wanted to break up. But she held me tight that night and the next day told me that "don't worry, we will work this out".
We ML twice in February but about mid month (no valentine) she told me she was sure. I moved out in May, she asked for a divorce in June, we filed in September 2006.
Two years almost to the day. One month short of 13 years married.
I called W to tell her I signed (she already signed). Her response: "wonderful" and then she paused like she wanted me to agree.
I opened a bottle of 9-year old small batch bourbon whiskey tonight. I am fixing ME a special meal.
And it is SNOWING here!!!! Cold as a witches tit.
Time to reflect.
No regrets. In some ways these two years were wasted - a trial...
But the trial brought so many gifts. So many opportunities. So much insight. So much growth.
