That's what I keep telling myself, let's see if I can make it. I know I am being a better spiritual anchor for my kids these days, at least the ones who want to listen. Fortunately I can sit and listen to uplifting stuff while at work. As it probably should be I am stepping back, focusing on my own development and letting W solve her own problems. W interaction today has been all over the map, some days I worry about her. Some days I wait to see her head turn 360 degrees other days I think the alien might have finally left. Well almost.
...it's just me I guess, but I think you really need to rattle her cage, shake things up, and honestly make changes for yourself.
PS,
I agree with WCW here, but I would take a different tact. I would shake things up a bit, but use your GAL activities to do so. Go out, all dressed up, clean-shaven, smellin' sweet, lookin' hot, and go have dinner with a friend...or go to a movie...or something...anything! Don't let W know where you are going, just let her know you have "plans with friends"...and then stroll in much later than you normally would...say 11ish. Be smiling, whistling...otherwise looking like you are on the top of the world when you get home; like you just had the most amazing date!
Of course you're not really going on a date, but you are refocusing yourself outside of the M and off W. Let her wonder a bit. I think she's cake-eating right a little, so it probably wouldn't hurt to take back some time for yourself...just for you!
Very good point. I'll have to talk up a willing "accomplish" and make some plans. W seems to be able to fill her time and do what ever she wants, I guess a little more fair play is due. What amazes me is how some of our friends, some who you would think would "understand" W position, have grown weary of her MLC. Some are, "Why is W doing this?, What does she think D17 is going to learn from this?". It takes all my will power to just shrug and say, "Well I guess she has to make her own choices, good or bad".
I guess I'll have to get busy and make some plans. There's some good movies out there I been wanting to see.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thanks for the bump. Things have been very busy lately, end of year push, mixed with the Christmas season. Part of my detach modes sometimes includes not focusing on posting all the time, using a little faith and trying to discipline to follow correct DB approach. This phrase of, "this too shall pass", means a lot to me also right now.
As we were sitting last night doing something with the family, S11 was kind of acting up. The thought that came to mind was how W actions have soured the atmosphere and attitude in the house. It is true how the W sets the spiritual level in the house, either for good or for bad.
Was doing something with my S15 on the weekend and something broke, which included a loud bang, so all came running. When we figured out what had happened and what had broken, W took such a "wounded" (why does this always happen to me) attitude. All I could think was, "Who's going to have to get the part, tear this thing apart and put it back together in this freezing cold". You know darn well it wasn't going to be W, but you would have thought so.
So, did I go out with friends this weekend? No, I kept very busy, but a little vague of where and when. What amazes me is that even though I was taught by word and action, how to treat a wife properly growing up, I find myself having to do opposite to that to keep a wife. Sometimes she will thank me for doing something for her, but generally, most of the good stuff I do just seems to tick her off. I guess she has a paint brush in her hand with the color she wants to paint me as, but she's getting tired of standing there holding the brush with nothing to do.
Right now my "hunch" says to stick it out, roll with the punches. So that is what I am doing. I figure as long as I am satisfied with what I am doing, if she straightens out or leaves, I have done my best. I suspect within the next year there will be a shift in factors in the equation, which I think will lead to a better outcome. Let's hope so.
W actions have soured the atmosphere and attitude in the house W took such a "wounded" (why does this always happen to me) attitude
Eyore is only cute in the movies, not to live with. Get her one of those bouncing Tigger animals. I love this time of year when the shelves are full of those bouncing talking things. It's such a blast to hit the start on all of them and see the whole shelf wiggling and bouncing!
Is W still on the couch?
Keep rolling, eyes on the horizon.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Pretty much, she is still on the couch. However, there are a few surprise visits. Not sure why, not sure what I do to "provoke" them. Almost weird, but nice, not sure what to think or do. Haven't been given an explanation. Not sure if there is a logical reason other than convenience. However, some times there is still decent attitude following it.
So I'm just continuing in a positive approach, then letting her figure out how she will progress. I really wish I could wake up out of this scary dream. A good old "Saturday Morning" would be great about right now.
I loved the animal in the toy store idea. That theme has a story to it, but we won't cover that here. Anyhow it put a smirk on my face.
And another fine Saturday comes to a close. So far it has been fairly nice today. You would think it was September here today. Had the last of the Christmas Nativity today. All went well and I was called in last minute to work the show. Did a great job, W took notice, D17 was jealous. In the end, she got over her vocal diva thing and perhaps realized that sometimes you don't have to be on the stage to be important to the show. During the whole blow out W finally got to see that perhaps D17 was "working her", against me, so that she could get her way. D17 knows that if she throws out something negative about me, W will automatically buy into it.
Well I discussed it with W after the fact, relayed what I had done and I think she realized D17 had played her. I think, some days W is starting to figure this whole thing out. She wants both sides "of the coin", but doesn't see why she has to pay the price. She thinks that if it's meant to be, it should be this hard. How ever, people that she thought had it so easy, she is finding out they have some of the same struggles. I think W is also growing up a bit and realizes that D17 might not be around to side with her all her life. W has been trying to live/re-live through our daughter what she felt she has missed out in her life. We all must learn I guess.
I think the rest of the kids have felt a bit "second string". I do try to give them what I can, but I am only one parent, and they need both of us. Perhaps the comments from W's parents will sink in and realize that it's not just what I want, but what is needed for the whole family.
Anyhow, positives. Had a good show. Lot's of compliments. Asked to do it in the future. Got to show W and D17 where some of my talents lie, even though it might not be the same as their's, it's needed to produce the final project.
Good for you Mr BehindtheScenes Gadget Man! You showed them that the pit crew and the support team is important or the show won't go on! Would it be too much that W and D see how that pertains to real life too?
How about some special time with the other kids? do you suppose anyone strings popcorn anymore? don't forget the hot chocolate!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
When you work in a technical field quite often you family and friends have no idea what it is you actually know. Even when I have walk my family around something I have created, I see that it slides right past their comprehension and they have no appreciation for it. When Mr. BTSGM stepped up and was recognized, I think it kind of POd D17 and W. Although I think W kind of remembers back in the day when I did this professionally.
Before this little "tiff", I suspected that D17 was just trying to please W and live up to W high vision of her. Also D17 likes people to fuss over her. (WOA) W however, has been trying to redefine her life (MLC) and appear that she is making big changes, redefining who she is so that if she goes WAW everyone "important" knows who she is. But the catch is she relies on me too much to facilitate her "redefining" activities. So eventually, if she's honest, they know that I'm still in the picture. Of course being well trained and experienced in the technical side of what she is trying to accomplish makes it a "why doesn't PS get more involved in what you are doing?" "Why doesn't PS do ____ for us?"
Of course if they approach me directly, I don't turn them down, I share my talents. So I think, especially D17 didn't like the fact that she did not have full monopoly of W and her MLC, along with the "spotlight". Now here's the funny part, after it all blew by the first night, neither one seem to mind too much. We'll see if they decide to do it again next year. Perhaps W decided that she found something she could be proud of me about.
In fact W has been better, more positive to me since then, not sure why. Perhaps she is seeing it as me being more supportive of her activities. I feel that as a couple I should try to do what I can with her if it's a common interest.
^^^