I will go look for some of my earlier posts on Retrouvaille and post them again here. It's true that they don't tell you much in the pamphlet or the website. That bothered me before I went. But once I experienced it, I relaxed about all that and wondered what I was even looking for. I assure you, there is no campfire, and you hardly ever sing songs. (There is some music that you listen to at the end, when everyone is feeling happy and peaceful.) Most of the weekend is like being at a business conference except more relaxed. You sit in a conference room and listen to the presenters. There are 3 couples who present. They are experienced couples who personally went through a marriage crisis, went to a Retrouvaille retreat themselves, and healed their own marriages. Over the course of the weekend they tell their stories in detail. You get to know their experience almost as if it were your own.
I'll go look for the other posts and put them here. I think I've written this type of thing out before.
Retrouvaille, meaning rediscovery in French, is an organization with support from the Catholic church that holds weekend retreats around the world to help people heal their broken marriages. They have a website, http://www.helpourmarriage.org. The program works by example.
It is in the format of a conference. It begins right after you get there on Friday night. The first couple starts talking about the pain in their marriage. At first it's surprising to hear people be so open and honest about their lives, and about things that most people try to hide, like infidelity or abuse. But these are couples who have experienced misery in their marriages, and they are sharing their stories with you -- the good, the bad, and the ugly. They sit in front of you, with occasional tears in their eyes, holding hands and giving each other support, telling you openly and honestly about their lives, what went wrong, and how they fixed it. The presentations probably last about an hour and then you are given a question to answer in your notebook. The men stay in the room to write; the women go to the bedrooms. The next time you get a question it will be the men who go to the bedrooms to write. Once the time is up, the couples meet in the bedrooms to share their writings. Then there is a snack, and that's it for friday.
Saturday morning begins with an optional Mass and breakfast. Then the presenters begin again. On Saturday you are taught how to dialogue with your spouse. This is a written communication technique which allows you to express yourself without interruption. It is superior to conversation. You practice doing dialogues with your spouse, in private. They give you questions to dialogue about. These questions help you and your spouse understand each other at a deeper level than you ever could by simply talking. You break for lunch, dinner, have time for walks on the grounds of the retreat, etc. Sunday you continue with dialogue and learn about the Post sessions. It closes with a Mass. (My husband and I were a little rude and left before the Mass. No one ever said anything about it.)
The initial program takes a weekend. You can do it in your home city or go somewhere else and make it a mini-vacation. There are six follow-up, or Post sessions. You would want to do those locally. The Post sessions are very important to strengthen the couple after the weekend. They help you to continue the openness and understanding with each other. They teach concepts like, love is a decision. Or, marriage is like a building supported by four posts: love, commitment, trust, and forgiveness. If you break one of the posts, like trust, and if forgiveness is weak, then the building comes crashing down. To rebuild the marriage, you must begin with a good foundation, and then rebuild the four posts.
While it is sponsored by the Church, it is open to all. My husband and I are not Catholics, and we benefited tremendously from the experience. We did not find the presentations by the priest to be too slanted to Catholic doctrine. He was there to be of service to the Catholics in the room who wanted his services. We were told not to confess new things to each other -- the priest was there to take confessions. I found that interesting. They do not focus on the past, they focus on building a new future together.
Retrouvaille helps you to look at the positive things about your marriage and your spouse and stop looking at the negatives. And it teaches you to communicate, not to win an argument, but to understand the other person's feelings. Those two things really turned our lives around. Instead of thinking all day about why I was mad at my husband I started to think instead about the nice things he did. And we both changed. We changed the way we looked at each other. We changed the way we interacted with each other. We changed the way we were. Our friends have noticed the change and commented on it.
Retrouvaille was a turning point in our lives. It was probably the single best thing we have ever done together in 27 years of marriage. Everyone should learn what they teach early in their marriage. It's a shame to wait as long as we did. And it is not a big time commitment. Less than 48 hours. What else can you do on a weekend that has such a big reward? I can't think of anything.
I am catholic, and my H isn't, so I was worried also how he would react but the religious element is not to much, nothing is "pushed down your throat". Everyone's goal for the weekend is to save marriages, and the religion I felt is there for additional comfort, and support. In fact for us(me) it has renewed my faith, and my H and I are trying to return to it, we have started to go to church, and H is thinking about converting. But you take only what you want, there is no pressure of any kind.
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
So I sent an email to one of the couples for the local Retro asking for post session materials since the W doesn't want to attend. So far it's almost 2 weeks and no response. I guess I can try a different couple see if I get any response....
I don't suppose anyone would be kind enough to send me a copy of the workbook/material etc? I would be glad to play shipping and any additional expenses for reproduction.... Thanks!
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
I guess NM for now. As soon as I post I get a reply. Must be God at work here. :P
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
My book is about 170 pages, and I've written in a lot of it. So it would be quite a project clean it up and then xerox it. If you can't get one any other way I'll look into how much it would cost to copy it. But it would be best if you could get one through your local group.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I would print it out for H
