You've gotten some great advice here. All I can add is that once you can wrap your brain around the fact that you're only in charge of your 50% it makes detaching so much easier. We spend so much time trying singlehandedly to save things and when we finally realize that we're spinning our wheels, it may be sad or even initially devastating, but the good thing is we're able to take back our lives.
I know this is not how you wanted it, none of us did originally. It's really hard to accept that there are no sure things in life, especially when it comes to our marriage.
While we're in Limbo we're just going through the motions, so Welcome back to the land of the living!
just wanted to pop in and say hello. You were the first to post to me when i first came here and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for thoses posts. you have always given me great advice and never sugar coated it. just plain, honest and helpful words.
You are a star and one day someone is going to be very lucky to have you. I still feel sorry for your XW.
I'd like to post a quote here I put onto my own thread (life is good, btw) and thought you might appreciate it too:
"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions." quote from the Dalai Lama
I have a feeling there is a lot of happiness in store for you. I remember this time last year and you are right, you did let yourself get hurt but hey don't we all. being left is like someone punching right into your chest and pulling your still beating heart right out, then stamping on it. The good news is we all grow stronger, better hearts.
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
You find yourself here for a reason, and this opportunity is a gift, so don't squander it.
It's a chance for growth and reflection and learning how to love yourself. It's a chance to increase your faith and your hope and your gratitude. It's a chance to create for yourself the life that you have always dreamed about.
If you take the opportunity to do all those things, then everything that comes into your life going forward will rest on a solid foundation
That is beautiful BBA. Thank you so much. That is why I moved here. I waited too long.
The discussion on my other thread is an academic one really. I enjoy that. I am at a point in my life where I am questioning almost everything and I fear the future. I embrace as many inputs as I can get; it helps clear the cobwebs.
There are questions and fear but there is also many positives. Too many to be deserved.
All I can add is that once you can wrap your brain around the fact that you're only in charge of your 50% it makes detaching so much easier. We spend so much time trying singlehandedly to save things and when we finally realize that we're spinning our wheels, it may be sad or even initially devastating, but the good thing is we're able to take back our lives.
I know this is not how you wanted it, none of us did originally. It's really hard to accept that there are no sure things in life, especially when it comes to our marriage.
While we're in Limbo we're just going through the motions, so Welcome back to the land of the living!
So, you read minds?
Thank you for that. That is what I have been doing for 23 months now, going through the motions. Not even walking wounded - like the living dead.
Thanks for the warm welcome. As I said I waited too long in Limbo.
I am a mind reader. Ask me if I know why you stayed and put up with all of the crap and heck I'll even have the answer to that as well. Amazing huh? It's as if I had lived your life.
I even know why you didn't come here sooner.....you weren't ready, you thought you saw "baby steps", and the most important reason of all you were trying to save your family. How'd I do?
Jeff, you did exactly as you were supposed to. Nothing to be ashamed of in that. Can you imagine the questions that you would always have if you had just walked away and hadn't done what you thought was right, or how you may have felt you shortchanged your kids?
This is your journey now Jeff. The only ones that you need to be responsible to are your children. Judging from what you've written you're up for the challenge.
Besides, everything has a way of working out. I have no idea how that happens but it does.
