This is exactly why I feel like writing X a thank you note at times!!!!
Yep! I'm not attacking her when I state that now that I have stepped back, healed and forgiven, I see how we were NOT going to have a good marriage. Too much bad history she would never forgive, stuff 95 out of 100 women could get over.
So, now I move forward, I am very involved in my kids lives and I have peace. Yes, all of us are inconvenienced and it is NOT the ideal situation but at least X is not claiming she is suicidal and I have cleaned my house completely of all the egg shells I use to have in the house. Heck I can walk barefooted on my hardwood floors not feel one "crunch."
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
C2, I got a call from one of my GFs yesterday and she'd just broken up with her BF of about 4 yrs. Now, this has happened numerous times in the past. Their history is....they had an A, he left his job (he was an A and had a large practice), wife and grown kids in Alaska and moved in with her here in MI. He opened a coffee/sandwich shop (sound familiar?) and in a year it closed. Since then, he's had no income and made no effort to find a job. He's also had a couple EAs and lies to her constantly about ridiculous things.
She's always known about my situation with X and known that I hated what they had done but we remained friends (tho not as close as previously). When she told me that they'd broken up, I said "is this the FINAL time?" To make a long story short, she's lost all respect and trust for him and says she'll never recover it. From the things she told me, I do believe that this is the final time. Interesting that there really does come a point when enough is enough. The straw that broke the camels back in this case is that he charged something on her CC which he doesn't have access to.
When I said there were times I wanted to call X and thank him for the D, I know that there's no way (like you) that I could ever have gotten over some of the things he did. I told my friend that I hoped the day would come when she felt that way also. She said that because of what I've been through that she knows she can be happy again but that she needs to follow my "list" and select more carefully. Jokingly, she asked to borrow my list. I told her that she needs to take the time to find her own happiness and then she'll be ready to be sensible about finding a mate. Sure hope she "gets it."
C2, you've taken that time and when the time is right, you'll meet a wonderful lady to spend your future with.
Thanks again for sharing such personal experiences and opening my eyes to making sure I "shop around" before taking any plunge. I am ready understand I am vulnerable to "falling" for the first decent woman who shows a hint of interest in me.
I have found my happiness and I'm gont going to compromise it for the first pair of beautiful eyes that catch my attention
ALL, sounding like you are ready too since you already "love you?"
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
[Sounds like very good advice Jill. I think I'll take it! Woo Hoo! I love me!
Well, of course, you do!!! What's not to love? You're a snappy dresser, great Dad, can drive BIG trucks, can find and cook your own food and even make wine!!! Hell, I love ya!!!!
Plus, he has the wild bad boy criminal element to him.
Yes this is true. I prefer my ment in stripes!
Well does anybody even care what I have to say? Well ok then, I'll tell ya'.
I think the whole thing about women pushing for a committment in our 20's is very true. I was barely 21 and not done with school, so what did I know about marriage? I probably thought it was somekind of extended dating with perks. We thought we could have it all, but the clock was forever tickin' so there was an urgency. At this point, for most of us here, weve had it all. Our kids have grown, or are well on their way, and we pretty much can support ourselves. Now we want something different. By that I mean we again want it all but our needs have changed.
In my case I was married to a man who was very self-centered and immature, much like Barb described. I didn't see it at the time, maybe I didn't want to. Now I want more of a partner. I don't need someone for their money, or to be take care of, or to be a father figure, and I above all don't want to be someone's Mother.
I look for strength, and honesty, and someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously. The thing is, how can you tell this about someone from only a couple of dates? After all of the crap we've been through, it sure would take a whole lot of dates for me to really believe that this time it would be different. Jaded?? Ah Yeah. Do most guys want to take that kind of time, sadly I seriously doubt it.
Somewhere in midlife, the switch flips in men who have been displaced. Maybe it's because they've lost all that is familiar to them, house, kids, extended family, now they have the urge to recreat it (all except for the Renaissance man ALL). Truth is if you look around I think it would be safe to say that MOST of the guys here have had their first post marriage relationship months before the women here. I'm not saying that that's either bad or good it just is.
.....and there my friends is wherein the difference lies!!!
I feel much on the same page as you, Beth, though I didn't have kids yet. (I know it's a blessing, everything happens for a reason.) I am married to a very self-centered and immature man, and fortunately I do see it. I'm not divorced but I feel like I am, and I'm pretty sure I'll be going down that road very soon. I also want something different, don't feel in a hurry to be in a R, my needs have changed, etc., but I haven't ever had it all the first time around because I wanted a family.
I feel pretty jaded at times too, but I think it's okay... we can reframe that to say we are wiser and have our eyes wide open now, people and life can disappoint, but there is hope.
Of course we find it difficult to trust again, but it's possible. I'm with you that most guys probably don't wanna "take that kind of time"... BUT... we don't know until we give them the opportunity. I've no doubt there is someone out there for each of us. We may find them if we are open. Must have faith. Believe.
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
You're back! I had been looking for you but thought that maybe you were still out of cyber connection! This morning before church I saw that you had posted and you KNOW that I have a lot to say to that as well. I will be by later.
I'm so glad that you stopped by with your 2 cents and equally happy that you had a great vacation. I know the letdown of coming back from vacation, and it's got to be worse to come home to limboland.
Don't be a stranger and do come join us when you have the time. You have so much to add........
Woo Hoo! I love me! 
