Sounds as if Mr X thinks you're tight! I really don't understand why he would write. None of this is any of his business. Kinda says a whole lot about him!
Anyway, hope this week goes well and that you once again feel blessed to be in the position to help others. You are always elated after you have given of yourself and it's so evident in what you write. It makes us all want to be better.
Speaking of that, I used to go serve food every year at Thanksgiving for the Salvation Army. I decided that it was time to do that again. So I asked the kids if they would like to go as well. Two of them jumped at the chance but the middle child (the 1 that's most like her Dad. Surprise!) is kind of hugging the fence. Hey 2 out of 3 ain't bad, right? Oh maybe she'll think about it and want to tag along, we'll see.
Have a great week C2. We'll be waiting to hear..........
Harvest festival I survived! All my spare time, including spending overnight security at the festival site, was dedicates to our festival for the community on Halloween evening. We don't know how many attended but we gave away all of the 4000 bags of candy we had prepared. I volunteered to clown around and share the love of God with children and their parents. Our team got a quick lesson in making balloon animals and I had such a good time looking at all the kids. Another friend lent me his clown outfit that inflated- lots of fun!!! (but exhausting). My son had a great time with his friends and would come around to say hi to me but it was nice to let him run around and just enjoy himself in a safe environment.
We rented equipment and hired a carnival ride company and had lots of prizes for redemption so we required a security team to patrol the park over night (temporary fences were set up). It was also a great time to meet other guys and help encourage them in their lives.
OM communication I decided not to respond to OM's recent communication but am looking at his request and will continue to act in a way that provides my kids with the best life possible. X seemed cold towards me but I was reminded that I no longer am married to her and her issues are not my problem.
Other really neat things took place over the last several days but rest beckons me! (More later)
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
Other really neat things took place over the last several days but rest beckons me! (More later)
Geeze, C2, I hate it when you leave us dangling!!!! I mean, in the future, couldn't you leave us with at least 3 words to ponder til you can get back to us??? HUH????
Glad your festival was a rousing success and that you had such a good time. I used to love watching my D and her friends interacting at these types of events.
lengthy email exchange with my X. Started calmly over clarifying something my son said about this weekend, not my weekend and I reqponded back to my X that it was a miscommunication on his part and that I didn't want to throw any surprises at her or Mr. X. Then the fireworks slowly began.
I am really baffled and don't think my touching on the topic of Mr. doing the communication for them was offensive. Interested your observations. I do have a concern about this man's relationship with God but have been VERY careful to limit comments about because X has previously justified and defended him in that area. The guy wears a ring with a skull on it, plays in a metal music band and has cd's that have the grim reaper and other dark images on the covers. (I am not naive and assume this makes him a Satanist, it just doesn't reflect the behavior of 40 year old man with a deep relationship with God)
Oh, I forgot, he committed adultery with someone else's wife.
I really think I was overly diplomatic in dealing with possibly touchy subjects. Maybe I'm missing it. Nevertheless, I need to say what needs to be said.
Quote:
(Dialogue clarifying something son sprung on mom, cleared it up, end of topic)
X's comments in red
Other than last-minute surprises, we just want a head's up if you are gonna be at the house or coming by when we are not there. It is THEIR house, too, just appreciate a heads up is all.
thanks ~ Re surprises, I understand. On my weekends, I think we both try to have them bring what they need but sometimes they throw a curve at me and sometimes when we are within blocks. If you could communicate that to them also, that would help.
It is awkward when they say, "oh, I have to stop by to get something real quick" and for me to say "no, first we have to call all the numbers" (as MR. X requested). I too certainly do not want the kids to walk in on your alone time.
If you are on the road together, other side of town or at an event (lets say they just spoke to you 30, 45 minutes earlier and we know you are not home), if the kids need to stop by, do you still want a call? seeking clarification. Texting seems to work the best and if we need to get to your house unexpected, calling the house makes perfect sense. I just want to avoid giving the kids the impression they have to get permission to go to the house.
When Mr. X raised this topic a couple days earlier, I needed to speak to you about this and called you a couple of times at work and left a message for you to call me when you got the chance, we just have not connected since then. When it comes to the kids and their feelings, I think you and I need to make sure we are both on the same page.
They certainly don't need to "ask permission" to come to their house.
All we're asking for is a phone call "We're gonna stop by to get stuff".. "We're gonna go pick up stuff." They can go, they can stay, it's completely up to them.
It's just awkward coming home -- not expecting anyone to be home -- and the gate is unlocked, back door unlocked. We thought someone had broken in.
Plan things with them, they want to enjoy their time with you. Park, bike riding, bowling... they certainly don't want to just watch TV, they could do that at home. I KNOW they want to spend quality time with you, just plan something, even visiting your parents.
(C2H comment- like I never do anything with them?)
Anyway, I'm just trying to communicate with you, don't want friction and just want the house respected. Thanks
No friction, agreed.
C2H follow up email: can you give me a quick call.
racing to finish timesheets Whats up?
I'm glad we clarified. Mr. X's email read like a reprimand, maybe one of those things that just doesn't come across well in written form (that is why I called you a couple of times the other day after he sent the email)
I needed to sit back pray. Your email was an answer to prayer, to address and resolve the issue.
I am in agreement with you and Mr. X, that's all.
p.s.
I will also double check doors and gate- kids will be kids.
just a bit more..
You have to keep a couple of things in mind: you tried to call me after you received Mr. X e-mail. This goes back to putting me in the middle instead of showing him respect about the fact that he's reaching out to communicate with you. You have to respect him if you want me to respect you -which I do, but you have to show him respect when he is reaching out.
We all agree that things are going reasonably well as far as transition is concerned, but we have to keep on working on the communication when it comes to concerns from you, or Carlos, or the kids.
I think the point to take away: you and I need not to put the kids in the middle, it has not happened often, but we should remind each other of that. Mr. X has been explicit about you not putting me in the middle when he communicates with you, and that is something that I ask you to hear him on and be mindful and respectful about it.
Ok? Regarding the call. I wanted clarification from you before I responded, was not seeking to resolve it with you, sorry if it may have appeared that way.
I hear you. If I feel strongly regarding any issue concerning the kids I will then request that you be involved in the comunication. Fair enough?
You have a born again relationship with the Lord, these are your kids, my kids, given to us by the Lord. I am accountable to God for my actions.
I really do not know what Mr. X relationship with the Lord is and while it is a personal thing, he impacts my children. I am not making a judgment, I am just reflecting the present reality.
I will respect both of your wishes to keep you "out of the middle" but if I sense I need to know you are fully in agreement or fully aware of a particular dialogue of an issue. I will raise that point with Mr. X that we three need to communicate about the issue.
If you stood in my shoes, were the dad, and your wife married someone whom your kids would live with, you would likely take the same steps I have been taking (your momma bear role would continue as a man). I have been in heavy prayer about communications working out some of these issues, seeking to keep the kids best interest above all.
I am fine with everything that's been requested. I really, really do try to stand in yours and Mr. X shoes and I pray before responding to some of these issues. Hopefully, you both sense this and my desire to have a good relationship between all of us.
Thanks for your responses.
Thanks~ Mr. X does have a relationship with the Lord. I am a little annoyed that you would bring that up and keep bringing it up.
(C2H comment: brought it up first letter to her when I found out she was having an affair. Maybe 2 other times in the 16 months since left me)
His walk is stronger than ours together. He LIVES it through his actions, not just words. He's NEVER ever lied, yelled or disciplined the kids in anyway that I would allow. He respect me. Our relationship with the Lord is our relationship. Just because you take the kids to church does not make a your relationship stronger nor weaker than ours. The kids have made comments that they feel like the parade kids. WE want to take them to church with us to OUR church, but becasue they're grown up at the church, they don't want to leave. We tried taking them to another church, just didn't work out.
I don't want to get into an argument over this, but Mr. X relationship with the Lord is between him and the Lord, as is mine and yours. To constantly bring THAT issue up is not biblical, UNLESS your walk is completely right on. (And you know as well as I do, that I have always taken a strong stance for anyone who would look to MY BACKYARD, when there's is messy.)
Your volunteering and bible studies does not make your walk stronger than ours, nor does it deminish our walk.
Please do not cast those stones. Your walk will be evident by your actions, not just attendance to church functions (and most importantly to your children)
I was hoping to close this whole issue on a positive note, please don ot misconstrue the message. Your very comment(s) lead me to believe otherwise.
I am really busy with timesheets, lets just put this to rest and let Him speak to each of us in a positive manner. Mrs. X Sorry. I did not intend to cast stones and I will not bring the subject up ever again.
you know, i could just cry, but i'm not! I WILL NOT CRY over this situation The enemy will NOT EVER take MY JOY again Cause He is with me.. HE will give me peace and strength.. He GIVES me peace daily In my darkest times, HE has consoled me, to go on another day. He is with us NOW, this I KNOW The kids are peaceful... the house is peaceful No yelling No rushing No turmoil This is from MY JESUS, not us, not Mr. X, not me. This PEACE & JOY is from Him He has provided protection and comfort for us. We experience it daily.
Post script: Like in our marriage my X has to have the last word in. I believe I tried to end things positively, or graciously THREE times but it wasn't received. I tried.
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
