Reading this is wonderful as it shows you are taking in the breath of life again. Much different from when you first came here, huh? This experience may not actually be intended to align you with someone special, although that certainly would be poetic justice.
What it does show very well is that you are not closing that chapter in your life that includes someone else. You don't have to go looking, you will know when it feels right. And you won't be wrong.
W2S I am in no way looking for anything else than a simple date, and honestly I am not so sure that I'm looking for that. Reality has set in a bit sort of like "now I've really done it." Still very confusing time as I operate 33% on pushing myself to move forward, 33% on gut instinct and 33% still not feeling ready even for a simple date. Yet the fantasy of it all is nice. The thoughts of having a great time and connecting with someone - even on a friendship level. Of course given the fact that she made several comments and statements that I found pretty anoying, I don't see fantasy becoming reality.
Let's bring this now to my current score card which right now stands and two and zero. I sent the e-mail referenced in my last post regarding the possible get together. I think it was pretty low key and non-threatening. Then again who knows? As of today, I have not heard back from her at all. Since I don't know her real well it's hard to say. All I can reference is the prior non-date e-mails that were retruned rather quickly.
Strike two came as for whatever reason, I guess I'm just so hung up on all of these random events that came together, and since it's now been well over four months, I thought I'd send an e-mail to ExW. While I did bring up the 12 year thing I focused on the kids, etc. I then asked about the dog and that was pretty much it. I did this on Friday as well.
In case you're confused here, two attempts at reach out by donh, zero acceptence or return by either person.
So, now, here is where you come in. At this point I will do nothing more with either as it really would be sort of soon, and part of me could care less anyhow. Since it will take a couple of days to get your feedback and input, here are the questions I pose to you:
1. If I dont' hear anything from her at all, do I still try to make contact with the woman I asked out on Friday? Here is what I see my options as: A: Send her another e-mail later this week; B: Say the hell with e-mail and give her a call later this week; C: Figure that if she is not even decent enough to respond she is not worth my time and just let it go. Or there could be more options that I am missing. The only looming downside here is at some point it is probably inevidable that we will run into each other. I'd hate to make that more uncomfortable that it needs to be.
2. What if anything do I do with ExW? A: Just let her be as obviously something must be going on with her and she clearly does not want contact with me. B: Give her a call and gently ask what's up, why no contact, why she has even abandend the dog? C: Keep doing what I have been doing which essentially is nothing.
The problem with both of these is I am not sure I really care all that much. I'm just more interesting in the back story, the why behind it all. Of course the competative person in me does not want to be turned down by the first person I ask out in over 12 years. That's not a good start. Not likely to build momentum - ya know what I mean?
So there is your baseline. Let me know your thoughts and suggestions. I figure I'll wait until about Wednesday to do anything either way. So weight in prior to that.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I don't know how busy either of them are, or how reliable their mail is lately.
But they are probably wondering what to do, as much as you are wondering what they will do. The potential date may be trying to decide what to do. Or the message may have landed in an automatic junk mail folder. That is a possibility in either case.
You might run into her on business down the road and wouldn't want that to be uncomfortable for either of you. You will have to decide if you want to call and mention that you sent an email and just wanted to follow up in more personal contact to say you enjoy her company, and would like to offer coffee or lunch. You could do the same in a personally written note via snail mail if you worry how phone call would be taken.
We need the women to comment on this as neither of us can remember what the dating protocal is!
As for the X, you took a shot. She seems to have stopped contact prior to this. She may be disregarding the email. Could she have learned you emailed the OW? I guess my ideas for her are the same. Mail her a written note and expect nothing. Call her at your own emotional risk. Email her asking if she preferred NC.
It is all up to you. All I can say is I hope you don't let any of this bring down your GAL growth. There is the "No Risk = No Reward" concept. Except the risk here is you get hurt by the responses, or lack there of. Be ready to chalk any and all options up to the learning curve that will lead you always in a forward direction.
I REPEAT ..... We need the women to comment on this as neither of us can remember what the dating protocal is! And I know you all are out there!!!!!
I REPEAT ..... We need the women to comment on this as neither of us can remember what the dating protocal is! And I know you all are out there!!!!!
You are right on espeically with your closing comment. We certainly do need several females input on this. I have many additional thoughts that I will throw out after I read more responses. I'm obviosly spending too much time even thinking about this in the first place and that can't be good. I'll throw out my latest thoughts in a bit since I may really need more help with them than with anything.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Case closed on the date. We can call off the dogs. It may have been the best of all endings everything considered. She ended up calling me this evening. That was nice rather than e-mail like I did. We chatted for about 15 minutes and it all flowed very well. I'm thinking that this is going to work out well. So then she gets to my question and like a professional business person provides several thank you's and enjoyed coming to our department comments, etc. Now I'm thinking okay here comes the but. Then she goes onto say, "I'm not sure but did you notice I was wearing my engagement ring?" Whoops. On top of it, one of the paramedics on the service with me and a pretty good friend of mine knows her soon to be husband very well. Wonderful, I know I'm going to hear back on this one as they give me a bunch of [censored] for my goof.
At least she did say that she was flattered that I asked and if things were different she'd love to get to know me better. I sort of got the feeling she meant it too. Oh well, she still seemed like a lot of fun on the telephone. Perhaps even more of a match than I first thought and trust me, with where I am at right now, that is not a good thing.
So this probably is the best outcome since I just am not ready yet. Deep down I think that is the case. Still, I was able to push myself and take a chance, so that's not all bad either. All this still leaves me with several things that I will bring up for discussion shortly, including wondering if it's even fair to a woman that I even ask her out given where I am in life.
It was kind of fun while it lasted. At the end though it does bring me back to that same old place of why do I even have to go through all of this at this point in my life? While it may have been fun, this is not what I want. If given any choice I'd still chose my old life.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Let's face it. Most of the women we approach will be "taken" in one way or the other. Or the chemistry will not be there for them. Or they don't like tall/short, etc.
Nothing to do with us. Timing is an important part of the equation.
The key is you put your big toe in the water. Good for you. You may not be ready yet but you are moving in the right direction.
Sorry I wasn't here to give input, but clearly, you didn't need any, female or otherwise.
Besides, don't let Chappy fool you, he's knows how to "work" the ladies.
I want to compliment you on how you handled this. I am impressed.
And I can tell you that, from a woman's perspective, if she wasn't also impressed, she would not have bothered to call you, she would have responded with an email.
And she would not have said the things she said, but would have kept it very professional and "cool".
So you definitely flattered her, which is never a bad thing to know how to do for a woman, and you definitely impressed her enough that she wanted to make the effort to respond to you in a nice and personal way.
I encourage you to keep taking chances. Don, it's like waiting to have children until the perfect time. There's really no such thing. You're only going to learn and grow by continuing to have these experiences. Don't close yourself off from life; live it. The joy is in the giving, and you have so much to give.
What... did she find out that I was really doing much better and couldn't stand that? Was Christmas too long to wait so Thanksgiving morning was the next best choice?
I had said that I have not heard anything from ExW in the longest time. I was honest when I said that I really didn't care too much about why but I just knew something had to be going on. I sent her an e-mail last week at the same time I asked the girl I had met out. By the grace of God, I did not check any e-mail this morning. I watched the Packer Game then went to my parents house for dinner along with my brother and his family. While I did perhaps feel a little bit bad for a small bit, I was really proud of myself as I was heading home and thinking that being Divorced is not even really hurting me very much at all anymore. I could feel just how way much better I am doing this year versus last year and then emensly past the first year alone on Thanksgiving. I then came home to a lot more e-mails that I thought I would have. Evidently a lot of people were out sending messages. And then I end up seeing one from ExW. I was a bit surprised but certainly was not expecting this:
"I don't want to ruin your Thanksgiving, but I also want to be honest with you. I know that is important to you. I haven't called because than I would have to explain things to you. I guess there is really no good time and I could find endless excuses so I will just tell you.
I know you have your ideas and thoughts about why things turned out the way they did. Some times we don't understand those things till much later in life. I didn't want to make you feel bad so the easiest thing for me was to say nothing. Jorge and I started dating after I left Waukesha and bought this house together. I really didn't want to hear the accusations about our marriage so I said nothing. I can assure you that nothing happened before we were divorced, but you will believe what you want. I can do nothing about what you choose to believe and really don't want to discuss it with you anymore."
Don't want to ruin my Thanksgiving? I'm not even sure where to start with all of this. And then after her one single e-mail - she doesn't want to discuss it with me anymore? Anymore? When did we even start to discuss it.
For those that do not know, this is the ass that I had said time after time she was having at least an EA if not FA. I had a hunch through some other things that this had happened. So on Thanksgiving morning she goes and confirms it. I can only imagine the day I would have had if I read it in the AM. Thank you God from keeping me from that.
Then we have the kids who too have been hiding this for six months or so including D22 who has been working for me. I don't want to hold them accountable here but it really hurts that they would not say something or at least tell their mother, look either you tell Don or I will because I can't continue to see him all the time and not say anything.
In a flash I was back where I was two years ago. I can't stop crying, I can't stop shaking. I've called several people including her brother. And just when I was doing so damn good! Why now? A bit of it is due to the clear death of now even a friendship with her. This fkr was in my home many times, went on vacation with us, on and on. He was in the picture all along and likely had something to do with her giving up on me after she tried to come back. So they say that they don't marry the people they have the A with? Guess again. Well okay, they are not married. They have only purchased a house together. So part of the pain comes there. Most of it is with the deception - especially with the kids and then to tell me on today of all days. I can't begin to tell you how much this hurts.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
