All things...10 - One year anniv. D Final!!!

[BethM]

C2,

Thank you so much for sharing that. It was so touching. Your going to his family and retelling Gregory's story from your perspective was the best gift you could ever give them and I'm sure so very comforting. I also admire that you could stand up on such short notice and give such a loving eulogy. Last winter at my Uncle's funeral my cousins asked if I wanted to say anything. At times like that I am always such an emotional wreck that I knew I wouldn't be able to get through it, so I declined. In retrospect I wish that I could have been stronger for them. I believe that God must have been working through you and in turn you touched so many people.

I'm so happy to be able to call you my friend!

Love,
Bethie

[Committed2Him]

Thanks for the condolences for they are the same kind of gesture I would offer one of you but I feel very differently regarding this "loss." I am sure it is the combination of knowing how much he was suffering and knowing he had a firm relationship with the Lord in his final days. I really am really overflowing with joy for the guy, man is he fortunate!!!!

During the time I knew him, he met a woman at our church who be came his girlfriend, beautiful inside and out and she spoke about their relatioship, a recent local outings they had as well as his love of the Lord. Afterwards, we spoke and I asked about his daughters and the girlfriend said they did not have the kind of relationship with the Lord he did and that was the thing he most wanted for them these last months.

As the wake procedings closed, the pastor explained the Gospel and asked those who wanted to have the same kind of relationship with the Lord that Gregory did, to raise their hand. One by one, about 1/3 of the attendees raised their hand including at least one of the daughters. I got to speak with both of the daughters, as well as other family, before I left to just share my commitment to pray for them in the following days because they would be missing him. I also wanted them to know that we would welcome them as family if they came to visit his church.

I walked away from the wake knowing Gregory would have been pleased with how the service went and how his family was ministered to.

[BaseballAnnie]

C2H, if you're around tonight, there's a lady on "MLC" forum, wantlove, that seems to believe that her choices are either life with her H or no life at all.

I've tried to explain that she is a child of God, and because of that her life has value, but I could sure use some back up.

thanks,
BA

[Committed2Him]

Annie,

I posted. Man there was a lot of tension over there, serriously speaking, it reminded me of trying to communicate with my X. I certainly don't need that in my life anymore, EVER again.

Bless you for caring.

[BaseballAnnie]

All we can do is try...

And pray.

And yes, there is tension in the air over there.

That's why I like it here in Surviving so much, especially your thread.

Thanks, C2H,
love,
BA

[Committed2Him]

A test of forgiveness

A message from my X beloved

Could you do me a favor.. IF you can't watch the kids or you have a time deadline, please let me know ahead of time. I realize you need/want/like to go to church often, I just don't feel comfortable leaving Son (13) alone (he's fine, I just don't like to). Besides all of that, he could've spent "quality" time with you.

X asked me to stay with the kids while she did her nails, cool. Being it was Wednesday, I text, and when she did not respond, called her to get her ETA. She said 20 minutes. My 25 y/o step son was at the house and was taking D (16) somewhere. I asked if he would wait 20 minutes till his mom came home and he said ok. I think he left after 20min and she still wasn't there.

I think the issue of communication is important and it is a two way street. I will find out today from my S (13) what happened when I spend quality time picking him up from school. I think what irked me was her last comment.

So, this quasi vent is just a part of releasing the desire to get pissed at her. She is seeing things from her perspective, her "It's all about me" attitude.

"Lord, let me hear what is valid, constructive criticism and cause me to act accordingly. Help me to deflect selfish blame shifting from my X, releasing any resentment that seeks to rise from her comments. Draw my X close to you through whatever means necessary to submit to you wholly as her Lord and Savior. Minister to Mr. X that he too may develop his own personal relationship with you. Above all, cause us both to seek your guidance in doing the best we can for our children and heal them from the devastation of divorce. Amen."

In the past, she has made other comments, attributing them to the kids and when I ask them directly but subtly, the kids point out that their mom is twisting things around, a fairly common trait. I know she has her way of leading, probably saying things like "Your dad is always racing off to church, isn't he?" The kids know no one wins if they disagree with mom.

So, I'll calmly speak with them, keeping them out of the middle, not asking, "Your mom said you said..." Mostly I'll ignore the way she has said things but think about the message and discern what is relevant and what is not.

[BethM]

She's always so condescending toward you when she writes these e-mails. I just don't get it. If I didn't know better I would think that you were the one who did the leaving.

It's not you C2. This is her problem and you really handle it well!

[Committed2Him]

Bethie,

Thanks for the perspective. I think many of us question if it IS "us" when there is conflict of some sort. It is a pattern we learned when we were trying to salvage the R, "What can I do to make it better, what am I doing to cause WAS's unhappiness..." With time and distance, we see things better but the old patterns and doubts replay.

I actually replied with facts and she backed off saying she didn't want to argue. Later she was cold in some communications about this weekend, that's fine with me.

I'm not angry, I'm actually glad to see my growth in dealing with her.

[KarenMarieS]

Bethie is right ( of course)
condesending is the perfect word, reminds me a lot of my ex.

I had to snicker a little tho, when she wrote, how much you love to go to church, thought that was rather funny, most women would be upset because the father of her children spent too much time at the bar, or race track, friends house, pool hall lol

Of course she backed off!

You done good C2

[koshka]

C2H,

You're doing great in this "growth" thing. Your XW has issues that she's not confronting in herself, but you kept the communication at a level where it belonged.

There are a lot of WAs out there who act like they were the one abandoned and they want to "punish" the LBS for it. Maybe in their minds they were abandoned. I'm glad you stuck to the high road, and that you let us know about it.

Thanks,

Joe