All things...10 - One year anniv. D Final!!!

[Committed2Him]

The problem is that she wants you to accept ALL of the responsibility.

Bethie, you nailed it on the head.

Just now my itunes is randomly playing songs and this a song "Just love them like Jesus" by Casting Crowns started playing. I shared this before on the board and at that time, I tore me to pieces but I knew God was telling me how to pray for my X. Over the last month, culminating with the anniversary of the D, I believe I have arrived where I can do this. The lyrics:

The love of her life is drifting away
They're losing the fight for another day
The life that she's known is falling apart
A fatherless home, a child's broken heart

You're holding her hand, you're straining for words
You trying to make - sense of it all
She's desperate for hope, darkness clouding her view
She's looking to you

Just love her like Jesus, carry her to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves her and stay by her side
Love her like Jesus
Love her like Jesus

I pray or her and have compassion for her.

SG,

Good to see you!!! Thanks for the support and sympathy. Yes, sadness at the fact of experiencing an anniversary but joy for the life I am living and fora all the positive things I have learned an experienced in the last year.

One year for you coming up? Wow. As well as you have been adjusting, goal setting etc, I would have thought it was longer. Your Mr. "Right" (or, "Mr. Good Enough" lol ) is out there! We are busy GALing and striving for fulfillment and the other piece of the puzzle will surface when the timing is right. We shall see and then we'll post about it and our friends will rejoice with and for for us.

[KarenMarieS]

Hey C2
All is raggin on us Cali people over on Bethies thread,jealousy AGAIN no doubt!! I say we go over there and give him a bit of our sunshine right between the eyes!! what ya say?? you, me, SG,
maybe we can gather up a few more.
shhhhh , oh he won't hear us, the snow is prob coming down too loud there

[Committed2Him]

Karen,

ALL is just stating facts, one day we will experience "The Big One," heck we may just become one huge Island, LOL! In the mean time, today I am just gonna enjoy the 89 degree weather and clear skies and immma goonna sip a virgin pina colada and work on my tan

[ALL6785]

Oh go ahead and rub it in why dont cha!

Just send me some sunshine already! All week it's been a dreary 60ish degrees here, cloudy, rainy, and the wind is a blowin.

[KarenMarieS]

Well I'll trade you the sunshine All for some of that rain and wind, I was all set for fall!!! Got the sweaters and jeans out, put away shorts and swimsuits, have a big pot roast to cook sunday instead of outside barbqueing AND then Mother Nature changes on me!!!

Buttt it is kinda nice, so move over C2 and pass me a virgin PC too . thanks

[HappyToday]

Hey C2H,

BTW.. not to rehash..

Ummmm yes, that is a rehash. Yes, that is exactly what that is.

But bottom line C2H, I think you were trying to ask her for forgiveness and she took your apology to mean you took responsibility for everything. That seemed to give her license to jump on the things she continues to disagree with. She may have been waiting for that moment to let you know that she's not too happy about things (it might be that she doesn't like the idea of working at the moment)andshe found a way to blame you.

One of the best things about you C2H is your ability to put the kids first. I think one of your first posts to me was about that subject exactly. That is what (I believe) you've focused on the most since this all happened to you. I don't get it. I'm sure you don't either, so you just have to laugh.

Some of my resentment comes from the you not being available for the kids, putting church stuff and your own thing(s) before them; your ability to pick them up and I have to work (I pray that will change soon).

This is my take C2H. How can someone say that you're not available, but you're able to pick them up in the same sentence? the "I have to work" part of that sentence is really what she's trying to say. It starts out with her talking about her resentment, then goes to you not being available, then you BEING available, and how she has to work. Geez, that's a real scary thought there.

I would guess that 99.9% of the people on this board worry most about the D's impact on their children and that is the most important thing to focus on. BUT after we get over the initial shock and awe of what happened, we try to do something for ourselves too. We can't live only for our children, we must also show them there are other components to our lives. It's our job to teach them how not to fall apart, when bad things happen. Church is a good one to show them. Church is where you find peace. That doesn't mean we lose sight of the kids.

I think she might be bipolar. Then again, I'm not a doctor.

Ignoring that is the best way to go C2H. You done good.

[BethM]

OH PHHHHH Happy......


You told me I was Bi-polar too!

[Committed2Him]

All week it's been a dreary 60ish degrees here, cloudy, rainy, and the wind is a blowin.

ok ALL,

our foilage isn't really green because of the impure air. Also, I don't know what it is like to live on more than a 7,000 square foot lot. Oh, and traffic sucks!

<C2H passes Karen a drink and some sun tan lotion, contemplates catching the sunset at the beach tonight dressed in a T shirt, shorts and sandals>

Hey, if the Big One is going to destroy my state some day, I might as well enjoy life now, right?

Happy,

Excellent observations. A rehash it was. My admission of fault and lingering resentment, seeking her forgivenes could have opene the door to a much better relationship but her response was consistent with her behavior in the marriage. So, like you said, all I could do was laugh at what her responses were, that and have compassion for her.

I also didn't need to be specific about my resentment, although it should have been obvious, because it would only start a tit for tat escalating war where nothing good could have been achieved. The bi-polar thought has been raised before, she has taken meds over the years- it is what it is.

Ignoring that is the best way to go C2H.

Wonderful advice, something I know I will enjoy doing when appropriate. Ahh, one of the benefits of being her "X." Life is truly good.

You told me I was Bi-polar too!

No need to be jealous, you can be bi-polar too if you want. I'll still love both of you. (Bethie A, Bethie B and however many there are)

[BethM]

Thank you C2. This world would be a very cool world if there were more than 1 of me. (Or not!) I don't even think I'd be ready for that one!

[Committed2Him]

Romania and other world focused

Last night I fellowshipped with my team members who went to Romania and at this moment I am playing Romanian praise music from a CD I bought over there. We watched some video I took and it brought back memories of serving and loving strangers in a strange land. Yet, the video I took of the church service I attended reminded me of the love we shared with people who also loved God but with whom we could hardly communicate- it didn't matter because as we sang to God, each in our own language, we were one body.

My devotion for today talks about "the cushion of the sea" a place in the ocean so deep that when storms rage above, the ocean below remains undisturbed. This is also analogous to being in the eye of the storm. This is the place of Peace that I found in my faith during the storm of my D. The bible refers to it as having "the peace that passes all understanding." Philipians 4:7

Tomorrow's devotion draws a picture of leaving a present dwelling, thinking it is fine, only to find that the new place one will be moving to is so superior, words cannot describe it. The price one pays today in that future investment pales incomparison to the benefits gained. Sadly my X is investing in the "now," focusing on her pleasure, her needs, her wants. I am so blessed to truly be thinking about life after I pass from this earth but it took getting kicked aside by X to regain that focus. While married to her, I too was focused on the here and now, seeking to keep her happy (in truth, seeking to keep her from making me miserable). Again, I now have so much compassion for her, I will rejoice if she and Mr. X ever come around to loving God more than they love this present life.

In less than an hour, brothers from my church will be here at my house (6.am. P.S.T.) to be accountable to each other in our Christian walk, desiring to be better men better husbands, fathers and even future husbands (me?). We are brutally honest with each other in order that we can shed the weights and shackles that hinder us from serving God as he so guides us, here on earth.

Next weekend, son and I will be going down to Mexico with the church to a poor area to provide for some of their needs and to share the hope of God's love. After such trips, I always come home appreciating this country, counting my blessings and loving life just a little more.

Tomorrow is my birthday (if you send cards, send money ) and last year at this time, the divorce notice (official 10/17) arrived 10/19, just in time further put a damper on my birthday. This year, my head is clear, my X is not my problem, my relationship with my God is awesome and I have unconditional acceptance by many.

I am truly a blessed man!