I will say that with explaining these boundaries to my children last night they had a much better night. When he didn't call by 7 PM they knew we were turning phones off and they were ok with that. For the first night in weeks I had everyone in bed and asleep by 8:30 except the 11 yr old who had to watch Heros. I honestly think the kids need boundaries and consistency as much as I do. Am I wrong?
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
I will say that with explaining these boundaries to my children last night they had a much better night. When he didn't call by 7 PM they knew we were turning phones off and they were ok with that. For the first night in weeks I had everyone in bed and asleep by 8:30 except the 11 yr old who had to watch Heros. I honestly think the kids need boundaries and consistency as much as I do. Am I wrong?
Ah.. with more info, it makes sense now. It's kinda too bad.. if he was more stable, it might be nice for the children for him to wish them good night. but, you gotta work with what you have.
you definately need to make clear to him, that it was his complaints about "you" calling all the time, which is leading you to not allow your children to call.
Although, you might give a little flexibility there, and do the same thing for your children, that you are doing for your husband. set boundaries. Tell them (and let him know that you are telling them, and why), "children, if YOU want to call daddy, it needs to be at this particular time", otherwise, we dont want to 'bother' him".
He knows I mean that he can not say he is coming back. I guess however I should be clearer next time.
Dunno if you want to make it the same "7pm", or a different time.
Quote:
He knows I mean that he can not say he is coming back. I guess however I should be clearer next time.
He doesnt seem to me like he understands ANYTHING in normal senses. So I would definately think that spelling that out to him more clearly, is a good idea.
I think you should also be explicit about, "you cant say you are coming back, if you are NOT coming back".
telling him, "dont say you are coming back", seems like a bad idea to me.
Last edited by Dom R; 10/09/0707:44 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Yeah that is true. I am glad you all help me make since because I am so emotional I am a robot. Therapist says do something and I do.
I am just trying to do what is right for the kids and somehow find a way to exist. My son got in the car tonight crying and cried all day. He misses his daddy so much. I just don't know what to do or say to make him feel better. The other four seem ok but my 9 yr old really struggles. He really was connected to my husband in a unique way. I think the fact that they share the same illness and really understand each other has a lot to do with it.
I am praying he calls the kids tonight because if not I am afraid it is going to really put my son in a downward spiral. We will see. All I know is I am going to zip my lips and sit on my hands I will not speak a word to him.
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
Well I am not sure if I did the right thing or not but he called tonight at 7:05 PM and I went ahead and let him talk to my son. It was past when I said he could call but I didn't want to be a real witch however every time I give him an inch he takes a mile. Did I do the right thing? None of my kids would talk to him except for my 9 yr old. The others said they don't want to talk to him so I did not make them.
I didn't give him a chance to talk to me and just hung up when he started to talk to me I said good night and hung up.
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
I have decided the worst part of this whole thing besides the pain it is causing my kids is the empty pit in my stomach each morning and the lump in my throat. I literally wake up ill every day.
It was also so sad last night I walked outside to my daughter praying about her daddy and she said. God please don't let him forget me because I am already forgetting what he looks like.
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
I found that weird also but when I asked her why she didn't want to talk she said because she loves him but he yells all the time and she doesn't want to be yelled at.
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
Well he checked himself out of the hospital. He told my S9 on the phone last night. Everyone talked to him last night but my S11. He says he is never going to again. I told him to pray about forgiving his dad and that his dad loves him. It is so hard to say that when I myself want to choke the man.
I hate it when he is out of the hospital my urge to call him is so much worse. I am going to have to tie my hands up today. I want to find reasons to call him and I KNOW that is BAD BAD BAD.
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
I found that weird also but when I asked her why she didn't want to talk she said because she loves him but he yells all the time and she doesn't want to be yelled at.
Sounds like something he should be told.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Wow the roller coaster I keep trying to get off of continues. He called me today to "talk" for a minute about bills and brought up the R. I simply told him that I could not take the lies anymore and that I gave him a million chances to make it right and each time he has lied. I said that I had to continue to move forward and I really hoped that he was happy and getting help. He said I am miserable. He said he missed the kids and pointed out many times he never wanted to hurt me. I just listened. I did tell him why the kids don't want to talk and what they said to me. A couple of times he got angry then he calmed himself down because I said if you yell I will disconnect.
Then when it was time to go he said "I love you" I said "H, why did you do that." he said sorry then he said but I do and I said yeah and hung up.....
I know tomorrow he will hate me so I just have to continue to blow it off but dangit I wish he wouldn't do this. If he loved me he wouldn't be living with/making babies with OW.
Oh well, we will see what happens tonight when he calls the kiddos.
Thanks
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
