Well I've been trying to shake things up a bit with out being too nosy or a p****. Right now I'm not sure if I pushed it too far, but I guess we'll find out when I get home. I felt I had to call W on something that I suspected was wrong, either she will fess up later or deal out more lies. Some days I not sure if I care much any more, just want it to end. Usually about then one of the little sweet faces that call me Dad gives me will to go on.
We'll things are continuing on. I guess since I'm not going to "roll over" and cough up everything, things aren't going to go as she planned. Last night, because of W actions, we were late to something. When reprimanded about it by other people, W was in tears. She was too wrapped up in "redefining her life" activities, that she made us late for this family function. I was the last person picked up as the family left town for this function, therefore I had no responsibility in the late arrival and W had no one to blame. Perhaps this is the tough part, taking ownership of own problems.
Anyhow W surgery went well. She seems to be healing, however still has to sleep sitting up, so we have digressed into the WCW sleeping arrangement. We'll give it some time and see how this goes.
we have digressed into the WCW sleeping arrangement.
Very sorry to hear this. That's how it started with H also, said he was more comfortable on the couch due to injuries, that was Oct 2004, he's back to anything else he wants to do but I guess he hasn't recovered enough to return back to our bed. Just this morning I said we've wasted enough years living this way yet you won't budge. I said too many other things as well but I was on a roll...I did say I was stressing about stuff coming up but now he had plenty more ammunition against me to add to all his negative memories. Sometimes I just feel like a whale and have to blow. Guess I should 'take ownership' and do it on my own thread.
Hugs to you buddy.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
No problem, vent away, it's not like we don't understand where your coming from. Some days it's just a matter of how long I can survive through this whole mess. However, it certainly isn't something I want to think about too much, zaps too much PMA.
I wonder if all this hold on is cooling whatever feelings I still harbor for H. He's acting like a jack@ss lately, all that anger and no where to use it but on me.
Patience has a sister, persistence, I think my patience's sister is sick or on leave.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I got this strong feeling that this might be all coming to a head real soon. W's emotions seem to be very strong and very driven. Don't know it for a fact but I think I'm fighting the big 40 timeline, MLC and some kind of third party. Some things that W would just let slide off, like conflicts with family members, seem to be bringing her to tears. I have never, not since high school, had a sitch where I could walk in a room and some one would be really visually upset at me without me even doing something. It's kind of really odd. I think the whole basis for this is the fact that I won't role over and play D, which puts me in the way of W having what she wants. W actions/moods are extremely unpredictable.
You would not know how many times I've wanted to say, "come on W, just grow up", but I don't. So, just another day in this DB world.
All this change is since surgery? is it drugs or meds coupled with emotional and physical pain? Is W back to work or total recovering at home? maybe this isn't about you at all, just how different she feels from what was 'normal'. I sense your frustration, but are you supporting her during this physical stress time? Things seemed to be going in such a good direction before her surgery.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I was a little concerned before surgery if there was a little bit of drug dependency. I also know that now W is working her way off of post surgery drugs. There is also the issue of maybe W questions her decisions early in life, wonders if she made the right choices, questions why she made some bad choices (EA/PA). Perhaps if she feels she did it just to "follow her heart", that makes it at least not as bad, not fully responsible for her actions. You know, the only human plea. This way it doesn't have to make sense, you just have to be understanding. The kick is, those who have been there have told her it's not worth it.
Supporting? Sometimes she'll accept it, sometimes to stubborn to. Most would say I'm too accommodating. If you were to watch our day to day, you would probably say she pushes herself too much for her condition. But, I don't know her any other way. Her mom is a go getter and in a way she wants to be like her, yet be herself. I think W struggles with her identity.
Today again was a decent day. Extremely busy, but decent. Had to overcome some anxiety issues today. But W finally called and seem very decent on phone. I was able to pull it together and make it through the rest of the day.
