Jeff...I don't really feel like the right person...or at your level to say this..but...I'm proud of you. Recall the intense anger my W had with me in March. I know a lot of it is still there, perhaps, she let a bit go. I think that, over time, your W will too. She does what my W does..twist's things that we say into words personal attacks or threats or 'words of badness'. I know what your comment meant.....I can see how she misinterpreted that..the same way that my W misinterpreted what I said the other day.
In spite of how much we feel that we got the 'short end of the stick', I am only now beginning to realize that....just like you....our desire to bring children into this world with our S's will keep us forever connected to them. It behooves us to find the right place to be with them. It angers me right now when my W says that 'she loves me', 'you can't tell me what my feelings are for you'. This is NOT what I/we want to hear, but, you....and I ...eventually....will have to be in the same room...on the same dance floor.....when our kids get married.
U da man. As always, Strength and Honor. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
They do grow up fast. Got him some games and a book and he was very happy. I cooked him a special dinner and my mom came over. He really liked the cake - cookies and cream. I gained several pounds
This is the first time in 10 years former W did not have her son on his birthday. It should not be that way but this whole situation is beyond my control. I wish it were otherwise. I could give up part of my time but when I do I get nothing in return. Plus, trading my son like a ball on HIS day .... bahh.
I did let former W keep the kids Thurs and Fri nights. Her father came in for a funeral and had not seen the kids in some time. She said thanks when I offered to give up my time but that was it - like she "expected" it.
I called her Sat to arrange for pickup and she was all terse - yes/no answers, did not want to talk to me. I went to pick them up - she never once looked at me. Kids were all hugs but she avoided any eye contact. So all I wanted to do was leave. The only thing she asked was did I like her new car! Imagine. I said it looked fine and we left.
I wish she were indifferent but she is not. She still cares for the family (me included) - I cannot imagine how she justifies to herself that this is *best* for everyone. The anger and the guilt are alive and well. She cares and she continues to struggle with this whole thing. But her struggle is to write me off - she does not have the strength and courage to try again. I feel so sorry for her but there is nothing I can do.
As we drove off she teared up. Knowing I would have the kids and she would miss a milestone in my son's life. She did call on his birthday. I don't listen in but my son did say she was crying.
She is so wrapped up in the kids. They are her whole world. In a few years my son becomes a teen. Will W let him grow, cut the apron strings, so he can become a man rather than her little boy? I hope so. On the other hand, will she refuse to let them go, to give up her support? Will my son become a "momma's boy"???
I hope I am wrong. All I can do is be the best father I can be.
This was in today's newspaper. Remember this when you think of your WAS. Some folks are made of stronger stuff than what we were married to.
This is one of the longest marriages known today.
SCOTTSBORO, AL. Eighty years ago today, Alonzo Sims paid Luther Miller $5 to drive him and Beulah Smith 50 miles to Tenn to get married. Miller's Model T Ford was the only car in the area in 1927. Sims had been working at the Miller's farm, plowing fields with a mule and picking cotton from sunrise until dark for $.50 per day.
(so, $5 was a BIG fee!)
At the end of one workday, when Sims was watering the mules, Beulah approached him and declared her love for him. What did Sims think? "Well, I thought she was purrdee". He was 15 and she was 12. They married two years later.
Married life was hard - the Depression hit in 1929. Despite the hard times they raised six children. Sims paid $300 for his first car - a used 1926 Ford and got his first tractor in 1940. In 1949 they got electricity and in 1960 indoor plumbing (remember this is rural Alabama; there are still some dirt roads here).
Now 97 and 94 and in a nursing home together, they both said while life was hard their M has been free of fussing. "We have been too busy to fight".
Grinning, Sims moved his wheelchair closer to his W and planted a big kiss on her cheek. "After all these years, I still enjoy being with her" he said.
That picture was on the front page of the newspaper. It made my day.
It is easy to walk away. Some are made of stronger stock.
Hmmm... this is interseting. There's a big fuss in the papers right now about people being less happy than they used to be. We have more now (material possesions) but we expect more of ourselves. Made me think these days we really need this poem
"LEISURE"
What is this life if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass, Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight, Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance, And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare.
By Wm. Henry Davies.
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
That place is right around the block and down the street from where I grew up!
I have not been back to Hoboken since 1980 or so. From the photo everything has changed. Hoboken was a dump in the 70's, then land prices went through the roof - thus fancy Spanish tapas bars are now possible.
That tapas bar used to be a Cuban store that sold odds and ends - you know, newspapers, milk, cigars, lottery tickets ... a little of everything. My father used to send me there when he needed something. I really liked the owner but for the life of me I cannot remember his name now.
14th street was a strong Spanish neighborhood when I lived there: folks from Cuba and Puerto Rico mostly. I lived on 13th street - end of the Italian neighborhood. Rather than walk four or five blocks to the Italian stores, I normally went to the Spanish places around the corner.
The photo now shows an upscale block with a few places - I remember many smaller stores in a row: food stores with veggies out front, a meat market where chickens were still alive until you purchased them, a fish place, several deli establishments, a post office, several *real* bars (no one knew what tapas were then!), etc. Small shops owned by small shop owners. People everywhere, including folks looking out the windows of the tenements above the stores.
Yes I have been, but it was so, so different then.
