So much has happened this week I feel like I am in the midst of a hurricane and just getting by right now.
On Tuesday my son called the hospital to tell my H goodnight only to find out he had checked himself out. On Wednesday night I picked up a vm that his mom had left saying she hoped he had fun on his ski trip with the OW. She was glad she could help pay for it and she overnighted him more money. This is right after he told me he was coming home on Sunday and then hospitalized.
I realized at that moment I had no choice but to get out of where I was. His parents which were my support (or so I thought) were funding his affair while I was at home with 5 heartbroken children and no money for even groceries.
Thursday morning I let my childrens school know that as soon as I had the money I was leaving and going home out of the state. By that night I had almost 2k in donations and the uhaul loaded. I figured that it definately was a sign from God because how else could this have happened. Well this morning I sit 1300 miles away from my house even more heartbroken and wondering if I made the write choice or if I have really messed up.
He did call from the mountains yesterday and told me how he hated that I was taking his kids just to hurt him and that I was mean and cruel and etc. I tried to tell him that he needed to get help for his illness and I felt that we were in the best place financially, emotionally, and physically for right now. He hung up and I haven't heard from him since. I still want my marriage to work but I really think he needed a wakeup call. I think he needs to relize he needs HELP.
Any advice as to where to go from here?
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
I just talked to his mom and she said that he told her that he wants to work on things with me. I have no idea if she is lying or what. I know I don't really trust her anymore. I can't. she has lied way to much.
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
What did she lie about? The trip thing was a little underhanded but maybe it wasn't exactly what you thought it was.
I think you made the right call getting yourself out of the situation. It was a tough decision to make, I'm sure. Just reading your posts, you were falling apart where you were.
She has lied about so much that it is hard to even begin. She told me Tuesday night that he was still in the hospital and she had visited him and he was in good spirits. She had checked him out at 5PM taken him to dinner and sent him on his way with his girlfriend.
That is just one of the recent ones that really got me.
I have slept most of the afternoon and my head is a bit clearer. I really am at the point that I just need to figure out what I am doing and what I want. I love my husband and I would love nothing more than my family but when I look at all the lies, deception, and hurt I honestly am not sure at this point if I am even strong enough to get past that. I am not sure I can take the thought of a life looking over my shoulder wondering what he is doing.
I feel like I deserve so much more than that. Maybe if he gets help he and I can start over and who knows but for now I honestly don't even want to take his phone calls until he gets his self under control.
I know for each step forward there are two back so I am sure the days that lie ahead are not easy but I also know that at least now I am trying to move forward because for the past six weeks I have just been spinning my wheels.
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
I spent today at my brothers farm. My cell doesnt reach there which was a blessing probably.
When I left it was like clockwork. He called me and talked to the kids. Then he and I talked. He bashed me some more about taking his kids and moving and etc. I told him he had to take care of him and he had some tough choices to make. I told him I was here for him but that I couldn't make his choices.
At the end of the conversation I told him I would pray for him and he said yeah you should.. Pray I don't kill myself. I told him that if he felt he had to do that it was the most selfish thing he could do but that I couldn't stop him nor would I carry the guilt for his decisions. He then hung up. I know it was just an idle threat but it is still hard to go to bed tonight with that being the last thing he said to me.
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
Well I got word he is back at his parents house so I am sure by now he will have seen the home empty and realize the kids and I are gone. He has not contacted us. I am not sure if that is good or not because the silence is so scarey.
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
It's good. If he were talking to you, he'd probably be yelling at you and that's not a good thing. So, no talking = no yelling = good thing. He's got a lot of issues Amy, lots of things he needs to work out with a professional before he should be allowed anywhere near you or your kids. You're his wife, not his therapist, his nurse, his maid, whatever. You can't fix him and it sounds like there is something broken there. You're doing the right things, hang in there.
Well, he called an hour ago and was utterly calm. I asked him if he saw the house and he said yes. I said I was sorry I know it had to be hard to see it empty. I told him I did what I had to do for the kids. He said he does not begrudge me for taking the kids. He sounded very calm and peaceful and honestly I am more scared with that than the chaos because I have no idea what his next move is. I am just going to keep on praying because I know that works.
Thanks for the support. I am a basket case. I am a wreck when he calls and a wreck when he doesn't... Go figure....
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
The kids called to tell him good morning this morning and to have a good day. He was chipper and said good morning and told them he loved them. It was on speaker.
When I got home I had an email thanking me for helping start his day off better. Its a start.
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
One thing and this is something I have to tell myself all the time: your happiness should not depend on him. I found my moods rolling along with whatever W did that day (and they still do to some extent) and I got tired of it. I got tired of not being able to decide when I was going to be happy and when I was going to be upset. I did some reading and came to see that what was going on with me was classic codependency. So, I had to work at decoupling my happiness from what she did. Not perfect at it at all but I am better. You seem to be into prayer and that's good because that's how I did it. I just prayed for her to be taken care of and for the stregth to live my life on my own. I had to detach or I was going to drive myself nuts.
OK, so I lied, I have a second thing. Have you noticed that your ability to stay "insane" about a situation has fallen? Initially, I would let my mind run wild on me for a week or more when things with her weren't going well. Now, I get a day, maybe two and then I seem to snap out of it. Either I make a choice and can stick to it or I wake up feeling a lot better than I did the night before. Just curious if that is happeneing for anyone else.
