Well, as a matter of fact, I did pray a lot yesterday and one of those prayers was like King David when he asked God to cleanse his heart and to restore the joy of his salvation. I know I have such a long way to go...but I think the decision to make the journey is a battle within itself. Kind of like when I first had to make the decision to stay with my husband over leaving for the OM. I am trying to realistic by knowing that more times than none those "old" feelings of coldness gripping my heart will reach out and grab me when my H repsonds to me, but I think I will have to approach that the same way I have had to learn to deal with some other areas in my life. It is a doorway the devil will use to distroy me...if I allow him to do that...therefore, I must not allow it...by my own free will/choice. It is so hard b/c I am a "feelings" orientated person.....(did I say that right?) anyway, maybe you understand what I mean. Feelings motivate my actions and as DB's we can't allow it to work that way....it must be based on our determination in what we believe (just as with our faith in God, etc.) So, I must stay focused on what I have determined in my heart to do and believe.....not what my fickle heart tells me. Pretty good stuff...huh? (lol) I hope I'll remember my own advice to myself! I don't expect it to be easy b/c I know myself too well. Plus, those old feelings have hung on tight for so many years.....ugh! But what a success story I will be able to tell in the end. To be able to tell others that it is possible b/c I was where they are and I made it through and they can too. This could turn out to be quite a ministry! I think that is what "imLin" has done for others and it truely is a ministry.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Just have a moment, but I think you are getting the hang of it. If you feel one way and act another, it doesn't necessarily mean you are being inauthentic or "not true to yourself" ... as long as your actions agree with what you, as a rational being, truly believe and want for yourself and your marriage. Regardless of what your emotions may be telling you in any particular moment.
Let me be another voice in favor of "Passionate Marriage". One of the things the author advocates is "Have your feelings. Don't let them have you." Along with strategies to achieve same.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
I was looking for you last night, but I wasn't going far enough I suppose. So, how are you doing? What all has happen since I last heard from you?
I guess you can read up here to see where I am in my R. It is going to take "grit and grace" and my grandmother use to say to do what I've got to do, but I know it is going to be up to me. I also know that it is not going to be an easy road....simply b/c I know myself....not b/c my H won't cooperate fully. I think I know him that well, anyway, to know he will cooperate if I just show that I am trying a little bit to improve on my part. He has his fault, but I have had to face an awful lot of my own the past few days. Lots of soul searching. I received the book SSM by Michelle and have started reading that. But, it has mainly been the advice I have received from the board. These past few days, it seems like the "right stuff" has rolled in and began to finally soak through my thick skull. I was home from work Monday & Tuesday, so I made good use of my time by reading and especially "thinking". Today, I was back at work and feeling weak .....but ok.
I know that sometimes we can get upset by things people say when we don't think they fully understand our stitch. At least I do. I had a hard time with three or four (or maybe more--lol) posts that were sent to me, and sometimes I have to just kind of place it on the back burner to sit for a while and then pick it up and think it over at a later time. I do believe that most of the people here have good intentions to help people. But you know I am here for you and I'm glad you told me where to find you so we can continue to chat.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I have ordered it and hopefully it will arrive in the next few days. I am reading the SSM book by Michelle. I hope all of it helps me a lot. You all have been encouraging to me.....I need it. Whenever I have that "old cold feeling" to hit me...it sure makes the heart want to give up, but I know I can't do that if I want to have any capastiy for life in my MR.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
THe book "Wild at Heart" talks about all the things that will arise trying to STOP couples fromo connecting. As the book says, the devil can cause all sorts of cr#p to rise to the surface, because his goal is to DESTROY marriage. The book even suggests that the WOMEN is the target of the devil not the man normally. Even in the bible, the devil tempted EVE, not Adam. He knows where he can get the most bang for his buck, and that is with the woman, as SHE is the caretaker of the relationship.
Simply stated, the problems are as follows: First, Eldredge mishandles Scripture badly. Second, the central theme of the book is not consistent with the teaching of the Bible. Third, Eldredge conveys a low, humanistic, and even heretical view of God.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Cemar book even suggests that the WOMEN is the target of the devil not the man normally.
Cemar, do you ever think that you could have born female? If an XX sperm would have reached and imbedded into your mothers egg first, you would be a woman.
The older I become, the more I think people are similar. Some people have trim package "A" and others have trim package "B" and their respective functions, operating procedures, and care.
I think you will help yourself a great deal if you back off on the gender differences, and look at the differences more as individual differences.
I post some Christian thoughts on the forum, but I also think of the possibility that maybe when a person dies, there isn't an after life. You are just dead. No devil, no God, no angles, not much of what is spoken about, in the Bible.
I will say I am strong for ethics, the golden rule, and things that help people live a higher quality life, w/o dumping a problem on someone else or some other place.
There are people at church that say the only Bible is the King James version. The Living Bible is a false works, or something like that.
From the time I was 5, church people helped our family. I listented to some far out beliefs. The idea that book even suggests that the WOMEN is the target of the devil not the man normally. is one of those far out statements. Lou
