I guess I'm confused there. It's not what I want, but she has asked me to file for her because she can't afford to. I had brought this up when we first started talking about this. I'm worried that if I don't follow through (another issue I have) it will be perceived as either that or I don't care.. odd I know.
If I tell her that I don't want to file, she may perceive that as me keeping her from doing what she wants. Is that the wrong way to be looking at it?
Make her file. She is an adult. Too bad if she doesn't have the funds. If you do not want a divorce do not file for one. If you do file then it will seem like you don't care. At least holding off shows that YOU are commited to making your M work.
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
OMG (that's Oh My God) what a lame excuse. Agreed, if she wants this then you are not the bad guy for not helping her throw in the towel!
Keeping from doing what she want? Jar, you have got to be kidding? Again, she is 26 not 2. If you want to act like an adult you better consider the consequences of your actions. We all have, NOW anyway.
Dude, dont let her talk YOU into doing something you dont want out of wanting to look good in her eyes. This may be the thing that actually makes you look good in her eyes, i.e. leaving her to do what she wants to do / not do. Full Stop.
C
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
I agree on the not filing. I see what you are saying about having already "agreed" to be the one to file and how that may be perceived by her. I think you should have a talk with her and let her know that while initially - you thought that you could do it - but in actuality as you have had time to think about things - you realize that filing for S/D is not right for you and you want to fight and work on your marriage. While you will not stand in her way if that is what she chooses to do, you cannot be the one to file. If it makes you feel better, you can deposit some add'l money in her account and let her know that the choice is hers but that you are not filing. Who knows, maybe she'll just use the money to buy a cute pair of shoes? JK - Just some girl humor in there...
So I guess I should provide some backfill as well.... Originally, she asked me to move out. I had agreed and was going to stay at a buddies house for a while. After doing some research, I felt that wasn't the right thing to do from a CS/Custody perspective so I refused. We are in separate rooms now, but she wants to be physically separated from me. After the first couple of days, I've gone into "I just want you to be happy mode" even though this stuff is killing me. We actually walked around room to room last night picking what stuff she was taking and what stuff was staying here. BRUTAL. Another reason I was to file was for the "one throat to choke" approach. We aren't very well financially, so we couldn't both hire Atty's. Again, not making excuses (maybe I am), just laying the background. I believe she's fully aware that I'm not happy about this..I just see this as a key move.
I think the money thing is an excuse. If she REALLY wanted this, she could use a mediator i/o a lawyer, she could borrow money, get a part-time job, she could charge it and pay it off over time, etc. She is trying to get you to be the one to file so that she feels less guilty about doing it.
Jarhead, I am going to back up what the others have said. This is not your responsibility to file! Calmly and nicely explain to W that this is not what you want and cannot bring yourself to do it. You still think this is a mistake and feel that you can work things out. Something along those lines. If W wants out, she has to take the bull by the balls. Sorry you are here, dude, but there can be some good advice from the folks around here. Given the handle, I assume you are retired/active marine? If so, thanks for your service!
Good thinking, the same thing here, the W dont want to file since she knows she cannot afford it. And I wont do it either to make her be 'happy.' I told her it can cost her 20k to do so since I will fight it as long as I can and now there's no more talk of D. W said she would get a 2nd job but when she thought of making 160.00 minus taxes each wknd she said hell no she wont work. Besides she goes to school and work full time. Possibly a bluff for me to back off.
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
