My x left & when I asked her she said it wasn't b/c she didn't love me, it was b/c she didn't want to have to rely on someone else to take care of her & pay for everything anymore. She was always such a shy person & really kinda lacked personality that I almost had to take the lead in things just b/c she was to meek to do so. She seems like she is rediscovering herself now as an individual & not someones wife. Any way, I don't know what she misses about me if anything at all, one thing I do know is that she knew that I would be a good daddy & this I think attracted her to me. But she left when baby was only 7 months old. I have been a great daddy & have gone out of my way to help X whenever I could with our baby girl & I still do . I geuss my question is, What can I do? I think that if I just completely leave her alone & limit conversation to just baby that maybe she'll miss my friendship. She seems to want to clue me in on everything thats going on with her b/c she has no one else to share it with. She did tell me once that she thought we were always better friends than anything else. Should I try to politely ignore her for a while & not be available at all friendship wise. Aside from baby issues, should I just not be available in general? Maybe she'll miss just not having me to talk too? I don't know what to do.
I geuss my question is, What can I do? I think that if I just completely leave her alone & limit conversation to just baby that maybe she'll miss my friendship. She seems to want to clue me in on everything thats going on with her b/c she has no one else to share it with. She did tell me once that she thought we were always better friends than anything else.
It sounds to me like you might want to keep things going in the friendship direction. Your wife might be overwhelmed with the change in life of becoming a Mother.
What things can you do to reassure her that the two of you are still friends? What can you do to let her know that your relationship can grow, and that the two of you can remain close, even with the change in circumstances?
What things can you do to let her know that you think of her as not only a wife and a mother, but as your best friend?
JJ
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James John I found this thread earlier today- dont know why I have not noticed it before. This has really gotten me to thinking...this is great. One of my small goals each time I meet with W is to make her smile/laugh (sometimes I succeed, but often not, I think it is because she is very guarded in some of our meetings)- But I dont think I realized just how important this is until now. I am going to make this my first priority in all our contact. I know that my jokes and silly behavior is something that she has always cherished. But I also know that we had deteriorated to a point where I didnt make her laugh anymore.. big mistake. She has said since the sep. that I just wasnt any fun anymore, that I didnt ever want to go have fun..you know what, I think she is right. No actually I know she is.
This is a great thread...I am so happy I found it Gotta go out and buy one of those funny glasses/mustache/ and nose combos BMc
This IS a great thread!!!! My H is coming over tomorrow afternoon to spend the afternoon with the kids (and I'll be there too) and I have been trying to change from the way I was acting from the time he left up until very recently... I just couldn't act "UP" with everything I was.... I have a feeling it was because I was preggnant and VERY HORMONAL!!!!! But over the past 6 weeks or so, I have really tried to be much more cheery. We were always known to everyone we knew as the couple who always made eachother laugh.. Up until 18 months ago, that's how we were. Not to the same extent as before having 4 children and normal stresses of life, but it was good. We always had ways of making eachother laugh.. Since Brad left, I have felt uncomfortable around him, because I saw how uncomfortable he was around me.. So I am going to try to initiate small talk when I can (it's hard when there are 4 kids competing with you!!) and feel more comfortable in my own skin, which should improve how I present myself... Will this help? Gee, I guess it can't hurt.. Peace~ Cindy
We were always known to everyone we knew as the couple who always made each other laugh.
This might be exactly what you need to do here. Make him laugh.
Try to put aside your "feelings" for the day, and concentrate on exactly what you were doing when the two of you were having a good time together. Forget about the past, and don't focus too far into the future.
Even though he's coming over to visit the kids, try to get at least 5 minutes of non-kid time. If the kids are being clingy, get them to back off, and give the two of you some alone time. With 4 kids, I have a strong hunch that he's looking for some adult time with you, and not just some Mom, or wife time.
Heck, if it feels right, you could even give him a tickle, just to let him know that it's good to see him!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
After not seeing each other for 3 weeks, I sent a hilarious postcard to my WAH asking him out to eat to discuss plans for D18's high school graduation party. He consented (via email) and we met at a local steak house. After a really nice time talking (very naturally and no R talk) we left and before he went to his vehicle, I approached him, kissed him on his cheek and said goodby in an upbeat tone. And then I went to my vehicle and drove away. Lily2
Up until 18 months ago, that's how we were. Not to the same extent as before having 4 children and normal stresses of life, but it was good. We always had ways of making eachother laugh.. Since Brad left, I have felt uncomfortable around him, because I saw how uncomfortable he was around me.. So I am going to try to initiate small talk when I can (it's hard when there are 4 kids competing with you!!) and feel more comfortable in my own skin, which should improve how I present myself... Will this help? Gee, I guess it can't hurt.. Peace~ Cindy 
