Gosh it sounds just like my sitch too. I sure hope that if my wife isn't able to move past the hurt that she would really consider doing that....
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
Anyone know how effective Retrouville is for Ws with lots of resentment/hurt getting over that?
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
It's very good for it. It worked for me. I couldn't even remember all the stuff I'd been angry about (we've been married 1/2 my life), but I carried the anger everywhere with me. At Retrouvaille they asked me to write about what I was angry about, and I did, and he started to make an effort to not make me so angry, and it all just went away. Your love doesn't die, it just gets so buried under all the anger. When you clear away the anger, you find it again.
Dis, Don't give up hope. You have 2 young children who deserve parents willing to try to give them an intact family. Even if your wife won't do it for you, or herself, ask her to do it for them. It is only 1 weekend, and a pleasant one at that. Have you suggested it yet?
I will be praying for you too.
Thank you Sara for your thoughts. You have definitely been an inspiration for me on these boards. I haven't suggested it to my W yet. She told me last night that she would start working on the process of filing for D. I went myself to go a lawyer today, just so that I'm prepared and know my rights. I'll have a look at their site and see what is local in the coming weeks. Like you said before, it can't hurt at this point.
I pray and hope my wife will want to do Retrovaille but she told me she is not willing to fix the marriage, even when I told her that putting the kids through this will be hard, especially since they both have ADHD.
I'm not sure this is right, but I took my wedding ring off too as of this past Sunday. She hasn't worn hers since June, 2006.
The worst part is her family backs her decision and they are the only ones who hate me. During our talk about this a few weeks ago, I told her that for years, I felt like an Idiot because you would constantly critize everything I did. Of course she has an answer to everything and said "No I didn't." I have validated her comments to me, she will not do the same. According to her and her family, I am at least 90% at fault, maybe more.
All I can do is pray and I handed this problem over to God to do as He Wills. Reading all these posts it sounds so positive but she is too hurt. She is allowed to be hurt by the past, I'm not.
I would be willing to do Retrovaille as a last resort. Divorce Busting didn't work. Mort Fertel has e-mailed me to try the Lone Ranger trak but I have my doubts that will help.
Please pray for me and my wife so she will begin to see things.
I pray and hope my wife will want to do Retrovaille but she told me she is not willing to fix the marriage, even when I told her that putting the kids through this will be hard, especially since they both have ADHD.
I'm not sure this is right, but I took my wedding ring off too as of this past Sunday.
I'm sorry that your wife is being so difficult. I cannot understand why some people plant their feet in concrete and refuse to budge. You sure can't dance like that. I've learned to be as light on my feet as possible and adapt to change, but then I trained as dancer. I think it was good training for life too.
I will pray for you. Her family is not helping her by destroying her marriage. If she moves on and marries again, the same set of circumstances will happen again. Life is a matter of survival of the fittest, those who don't adapt, don't survive.
I hope you can help answer these questions. One minute my W and are not divorcing the next she is marching to the attorney. So I don't know if I can get her to go, I have asked in the past and meet with no, but I think things have changed enough for her position to change. However, if she does file, would it be unwise to tell her I will uncontest the D and give her all she wants (we have already worked out terms, so I know what I would be agreeing to) if she will do this one weekend with me?
Second, I live in a state that the program in not available. We will have to fly or drive at least 7 hours one-way to attend. Which really kills the possibility of returning for the other weekends, unless we pick maybe one or two and do them. Would it be worth it if we can't do the follow-up weekends?
Thanks in advance I really appreciate the input. FYI I was being sarcastic on GD's thread. Not sure if anyone realized that. hehe!
