I'll stop posting though - so you don't have to read my angst.
Well that choice is up to you, but this is YOUR thread, so I can also bug out.
I totally understand your angst, believie me I understand. I'm just more interested, more motivated to help you spew joy. It'll come some day, have faith. You've just fallen out of the spin cycle and trying to get back on your feet.
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Well Cog, considering up until less than a week ago, H had told me he WOULD try
Yep, that's a tough one. It's still a fresh wound. Like a friggin hot knife in the chest.
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and considering it didn't matter if I wanted the divorce or not because in our state he can divorce me without my signature or ink
Look, I don't want to split hairs here, but you chose to sign. That was your choice. If the law allows him to D you, then fine, he should have been allowed to go through that process without your help. I'm not trying to critisize you, I'm just trying to help you see that YOU share some responsibilty here too. The sooner your realize that, and accept that, the sooner you'll heal and grow, the sooner you might be able to ressurect something here.
Now I'm gonna bug out because I've already infringed too much on your thread. Just let my posts sit in the back of your mind and don't give them too much emphasis right now. Some day they might help.
Love,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
No...I would be divorced whether or not I chose to sign. HE told me we should try getting a divorce and then he would move back home and we'd work on our relationship. I didn't help him one iota on divorcing me. I agreed that we could agree on terms, but that I didn't agree with divorce. As the judge told me the first time in court - well you know in Kansas he can divorce you whether you agree or not. Matters not if I signed, except that we have a child together, we had a house to split/settle, etc...
If he felt he couldn't love me like he's supposed to, he should have just manned up and told me from the get go - almost a YEAR that this has been going on.
I understand I share part of the responsibility. However, I am grieving. We had 13 years together. It seems so easy for him to move on and put that section of his life away and damn it all if that doesn't sting.
It's easy to tell me to suck it up and move forward when you're not in this situation. You and your wife worked or are working it out. I'm happy for you but I can tell you that from where I sit, the view is bleak right now.
I KNOW I will be ok. I KNOW I'll be stronger and I'll maybe one day find someone who will love me like I'm supposed to be loved. In the meantime, this hasn't even been a week.
Here's one of my favorite texts: My mind and body are into you at times, but my heart just isn't.
I don't even have to read it on my phone to know it word for word and it just hurts. I can't just turn that off. I'm trying. I packed his stuff away so it's out of sight. I found the receipt for his ring and left it in his pile so he can take the damned thing back. I am trying as hard as I can to process all of this without falling apart day after day. And here I sit posting, crying at work.
I'm pulling a line out that I used when I first got here.
This sucks!
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Yes it does suck! Now what? You are not alone here....don't let your anger out rule your rational thoughts...you ask for peoples advice.....they give it. Understand the meaning behind the words. Don't take it personally sweetie. Most of us can IDENTIFY with you. We understand your paim and emotions you are going through.
Listen......I heard the "We will date when we are divorced" throughout the entire two years. Have we dated. No. Are we going to? Probably not. Am I angry. Not really. I am me. I'm striving to be a better me, with or without him. This is the end result. YOU.......YOU........YOU. Stop posting. Get your anger, hurt, frustrations out. The more you post about it, the more you think about it.
The couch.....is perfect. So are you. Dont forget that!
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
No one said you had to stop loving him. You probably never will. But you cannot move forward until you start loving yourself. It's normal, you are normal your emotions are normal. Get them all out. Break something if you must. Then let the healing process start.
The more you dwell in the misery, the longer it is going to take for you to get yourself out of it.
Hugs honey, I am thinking of you.
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Hey girl..All of this is new to you, so it is gonna hurt like hell. You even had a glimmer of hope there for awhile with his little plan, and now that he is not going through with I've been going through the same emotions ever since I signed the papers back in January. It's ok to be mad right now. It's ok to be sad. These are all normal emotions. Staying busy has really helped me. I have been purposely making plans so that I don't have time to sit around and dwell on it. This is tough stuff. Don't even worry about relationships with other men right now. Just think about your relationship with yourself, your daughter, and God.
HUGS
M: 29 H: 27 Married: 6/22/02 Bomb: 6/12/06 H moved out: 6/16/06 Signed D papers: 1/8/07 D final: 5/14/07
I feel for you and I understand how much it hurts when someone tells you they want to work on it, and then up and flips 180 the other way! I feel your pain I really do! The others just don't want you to stay counterproductive. I was very optomistic when we first had issues that we could work it out! Despite my efforts it is not going well! It is a kick below the belt, but you are a better person for trying, you just choose not to remember that right now! You will get there again! Please take a look at my thread. Lessons from a WAS, I have had a bad week and sometimes feel like you do.
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
(((KS))) The hardest part is just sitting and feeling the range of emotions. I have been embracing those whenever I can. Just to get them out and get that much closer to getting through them. Hope you feel better soon!
Me 32 WAW 30 D Bomb 7/9 Separated 7/15 Reiterated bomb 8/12 PA 8/21 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1198643
KS ~ You have forgotten one of THE top rules of DBing:
NO EXPECTATIONS
Furthermore, until you grow outside of your own pain, you will not, I REPEAT, WILL NOT be free from the stress and pain of his disappointing you.
Speaking freely now - as you know I damn well will....the problem you are having here is YOU.
Since day one, you have let him dictate YOUR personal progress and that is why you find yourself STUCK NOW. He has ceased to offer you much comfort, any chance of redeeming yourself, no chance to UNDO the past.
So it is up to YOU. And frankly, while I fully understand being pissed off because your husband seems to lack the ONE THING it has taken YOU TO STAND - BRASS BALLS - that doesn't mean your anger is wholly justified.
The root of the anger is at yourself and that is where you're going to have to go back and DEAL. This time for real.
You have to understand - COMPLETELY - the woman that you were when you had the affair. You have to look HONESTLY at the state of your marriage and understand in your heart and soul why that happened. You will know that while you screwed up immeasurably, you didn't lay the groundwork all by yourself. Cut your inner tramp some slack. Okay, that was a joke so lighten the hell up!
Seriously, you can't be empathetic to your husband while you are wallowing in your own misery. Trust me, I KNOW. You have to climb down off the pity pot, flush the anger (which is really just self-righteousness because you DID THE RIGHT THING AND STOOD FOR THE MARRIAGE) and consider for a moment that all his partying doesn't mean he's thrilled to be divorced. Ever think it's a friggin crutch, UA???
Now, whether or not you continue to make any semblance of a "stand" is going to be in direct correlation to your CALLING.
I'll tell you something I picked up on in one of your recent posts...YOU WERE IN A BAR.
WTH??
Who are you serving?
And tell me...what effect might that have on your circumstances?
Get pissed off and offended if you want to girl but I call it like I see it and I see it clearly because you haven't been to one damn place I haven't already been myself.
