H is still confused for the most part. Says I will never change. Why is it that they can only see that its us who needs changing & not them too? Well how do you tell them if you were home you would see the changes? I have done alot of growing, empotionally & spiritually, but he is still in denial..just when I thought he was through blaming me for everything, oh well....
One of my changes was I started to help him w/ the house payment ( even though I am pinching pennies). He is overwhelmed w/ bills which is why I dont require any child suppport only that he keeps paying the house (which is always behind). Doesnt beleive my new social life will last b/c according to him I was so antisocial.
chicki, from reading the earlier posts H seems to admire the OW for having dinner together and being out together as a family. These are the little steps you must take in order for H to see you again. Dont ask H to change, you must do it. Take the Ds out to the park, the zoo, mcdonalds. I can tell you are pinching your money but you need to loosen up a little. It seems like H is realizing the OW is different than you and thus cannot cope with being with her for too long. OW probably is strict about family values and doesnt feel that H should watch tv and have dinner. These are the things a M man cannot possibly change immediately since H is set in his own ways.
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
I dont think its a matter of admiration but a means of escape from all responsibilities. He started to complain about her the other day saying her & I are so alike in that we seem to know what is best for him & I stopped him mid stream & said in a calm manner to not compare me w/ that woman. I was surprised he did not say anything else. H was always oen to run from resposibilities when the tough gets going. But a while ago I thought maybe he was starting to see the light (maybe just trying to keep me hanging though)when before he left he said well I guess I will go back to bieng miserable meaning going back to her place. Hes been looking real down & maybe he can see now that no one person can make you happy.
I emailed my lawyer to ask what the cost is to file for full custody for the kids. Lawyer says to call her later today.H wants to take them for the weekends to her place & I dont want that. So if its cheaper to file for custody than to file for D right at this moment I will do that.
H really has no right, pays no child support & has not lived here in the past five months.
chicki, I know H should not compare OW to you. People are different in many ways that's why we are unique. I would suggest that H should respect your decision to NOT take the kids around OW since you all are still M. This will create more problems than anything else. The kids should not be between the R H has with OW, not yet - it is too soon for all this drama.
You can find out about a restraining order for OW but for you to have full custody when there isnt a D then there is a problem. H still has all the legal right to take kids anywhere but if you feel that the kids well-being would potentially be jeopordized by being around OW, then do the restraining order.
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
Thank you MMH for all your feedback & advice I really do appreciate it.
H was mad b/c I wouldn't let him take the girls for sleeop over fo rthe weekend. Saturday while we were out he came over & took his tv thats was in the family room & took soem more of his clothes. So, I thought I waould "help" him & I took out the rest of his stuff from our bedroom closet & put it in the family room (his room). I know he will not like this but jeesh the man has not lived w/ us for how long now? H e wont file D & he wont get ALL his stuff out either! H thinks by taking the cable box & the extra tv he has "revenge". This man has become so horrible he use not be so revengeful but he did have tendnecies.
I texted him that even tough he may find ways to jsutify his adultress lifestyle that did not make it right or any better & that I he should not bring our girsl down with him.
I know I am no longer considered a true "new commer" for I have been at this for eight months,but evryday there is w a new drama to challenge & this forum has been so helpful.
I hope evryone had a good weekend w/out any drama fron your SO!
That is being so MEAN. I am not like that with my W, and she's the one who now has the EA. I know how you feel and you are holding on. What has you done lately to feel comfortable and GAL?
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
I have not done much GALng at least not bymyself or w/ my freinds. The girls and I did get out this weekend w/ people from my mother's church to a river. That was fun for the girls for they r like fishes in the water.
Now that I dont let him take the girls on the weekends its hard for me to GAL on my own. Do you do much og GALng?
I have been pondering about whether or not to do something.....
I was thinking if H continues to be mean or get worse than I should go down to IRS & file for child support. What do you think? OR should I just warn him how I can really get mean if he does not respect me. I dont want to "rock" the boat per say b/c the $ situation for the both of us is really bad right now.
Chicki, the thing is whenever you push H into doing things that seems to be taking the children away from him. H will want to do more things to you in order to deprive you of material items. Its kinda like tug of war. You do unto to him, he does unto you and its never ending. Let it be.
As for me, I was thinking I should go out alone and be free but if you read my post (its more like an online diary) you will see what I have been experiencing. If I go GALng then I think it would damage what is currently being rebuilt. The process is slow and I am patient but W is somewhat coming around. Perhaps, W just want to be nice to me. I dont know for sure, the Chicago trip will prove if she is or not.
I do go to church on weekend and I take a walk at the mall with D. Besides that I dont drink any alcohol and tries hard to stay away from chat rooms.
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
H thinks me not wanting the kids to do sleepovers is my way of getting back at him, hmmm NO. I eamiled him that he still must be in a state fo DENIAL because this is not revenge it is called BOUNDARIES & when my kids are involved believe me I will enforce boundaries. He can justify his adultry all he wants but it still does not make it right. He thinks the courts will frown on me for doing this b/c the kids want to sleep over & its what they want that matters. I said really? Since when do parents let their 6&7yrs old make all the decsion? I guess when it benefits their dad. I told him they dont know what is right for them & that is why they have parents to guide. Since I am the only R parent now I will do that. I told him he also needed to read about boundaries b/c he needs some in his life too.
He cam over last night & saw I was cooking his favrite mahi but I was trying a new recipe. Even thoufgh he came in in a foul mood cursing and all, I was calm & kept my cool. I kept cooking & even asked him for his opinion on some things since he is the pro cook. He seemed interested in tasting it so I gave him a try. He raved about it & told the kids hmm, your mommy is really getting good at this, she must have a date coming over tonight. He looked at my roses (I bought on purpose) per someone's advice & he asked if they were from my BF. Mind u I have no BF. But it feels good to see a hint of jelousy every now & then. Then he asked the girls if I cook all the time or only when he comes over?? Fishing to see if I cook only for him? Well the girls told him the truth that yes I do cook all the time.
I asked him if he was eating (sometimes he waits for my offer & other times he dives right in) & said yes but only a little. Well, he served himself several times & that made me feel good since he use to critize my cooking before & one time he said how OW cooks better even than him. Of course I reminded him he said that before & he suddenly got a stroke of amnesia, what no I never said that?
I have been reading alot here how having sex w/ your STBX keeps you connected AND so we did it AGAIN before he left. This time I tried not to even analize & just went w/ it. At first I didn't think it was leading to anything but some passionate kissing thats all. I haev also read that if one feels fine afterwards like no regret or feelign used then it is OK to do it, esp if you think it will keep you close. Well thast why I did ti. Funny I was not even horny like I was the last time. He just knew how to take his sweet ol time and be passionate.
Call it tired or what I was ready to just get him off & get it over w/ & when I told him he was taking to long he said b/c he waiting on me & also it felt so good he did not want to rush it. That was odd for usually he is in a rush b/c he is on OW' time table. Now I know about the time she gets out of her class for one day he had the phone on him & he was running later than ususal to leave the house & she called him. I gave him a symbol of a dog on a leash and just had to laugh. I know he is getting tired of that. H likes his freedom and this woman won't let him pee by himself!
