Moving Forward,......taking baby steps.

[~Sol]

I am changing the locks on the house now.

My W crossed the last boundary, thinks she can ride me whenever she wants, and still pushes buttons.

I don't know what set me off this morning, but she pushed and pushed about some bills on the table, she watches TV like its still her damn house.....

Well, I couldn't hold it in anymore and I just went off on her like world war 3. I think that there is no way we can work on things like this if SHE does not want to. I want this nonsense to end, and I don't think I have the patience to wait on her and run up new bills. The person that is suffering right now is my 8 year daughter, no thanks to my messed up W telling her things that are not true. I know my part in this, I take blame for being a jerk in the marriage, but I didn't have an affair, and never will as long as I am married still. Right now I really hate my W for doing what she's doing, what she did, but I also dislike myself for letting this get this far.

I need to re-group.

[NMHurting]

I'm sadly jealous of you Sol. I feel like if I could get mad at my W then at least I'd get some movement. Right now I just sit and take everything she dishes.

[~Sol]

Well, I talked to my W and she told me that my daughter was crying because she thinks we are moving away and she won't see her mom. I asked my daughter who told her this and she said it was my W that told her, so my daughter didn't here it from me.

I then asked my W why she said that to my daughter, my W responded that she told her that "to see how my daughter would react".

My W is F*(^&%ED UP in the head!!!!! She is USING my daughter as a wedge now, which makes it wrong. I will avoid any more fights as much as I can, and I will just live my life as if I am no longer married. Granted I will not date or even cheat while I am legally married, my M is DEAD, DEAD, DEAD!!! - but this is too much for me.

My W has crossed too many damn lines now, and I am suffering for it? Well, my little girl DOES NOT need to suffer like me. My W is truly freakin out there man!

[NMHurting]

My W broke it to S15 last night that mom and dad are never getting back together. My son suffers from some major depression and anxiety issues anyway. He melted down. Threw a plate at his grandmother. Rage in it's pure form.

I don't understand how a mother can put her selfishness over three other souls, especially two that she brought into this world.

I had a moment and got angry and emailed her to that fact. She said I was just making a guilt trip. And I told her that no, I was calling her on her behavior and it's impact. I came from a divorced family. I know the pain and anger that manifest. I am ready to tackle that with my children because I did everything that was possible to prevent this. She however, does not have room to say that.

[~Sol]

My W simply came from an abusive childhood, but her parents are still married - too many kids. Out of all of her 8 sisters, my W is the most violent one, she manifest her anger verbally, lashes out at everyone, and I lived with her like this for 10 years now.

I am sick of her, and of this dead-end R.

Kids do not need to be in the middle of it. My W will lash out again when I serve her the papers. For all I can tell, she deserves to be with that loser and then she'll know what it's like to be cheated on. I am still pissed off over this morning...but I held in a lot of anger and resentment.

[NMHurting]

I wish I could get mad and stay that way..things would be much easier. Instead..I beat myself up.

[~Sol]

oops...repeat.....

[~Sol]

Lashing out like they lash out is not really the best way to approach things.

Right now my W is calmed down - and being "nice" - and she's making ME look like I am the crazy one - even though I have all this anger inside with no way to unleash it.

Maybe I need to take my W out for some paint-ball war games??? I'll tell her it doesn't hurt....

[sofaraway]

Sol, consult an attorney before you change those locks. It may not be legal because you are still married. Just giving you a heads up.....

Ian

[~Sol]

I also need to find out whether or not she abandoned us too. She just got up and left, made the choice as if she was single and completely independent. Oh well, not my concern anymore is it?

Instead of changing the locks, I can install a security system to the house, we don't have one, so I think I am entitled to protecting my home and reporting my new system to my home owners insurance for a discount on my policy? That way I will know for sure who goes in and who goes out. It's a bit to spend, but I can make it happen.

I just see that my W is not respecting any of my boundaries, like I am some joke to her to control and manipulate.

I am trying to compose myself some. I went out for a walk and had lunch by myself at the mall. I also hit the Discovery Store and they had a closing out sale, I got some fun toys for me and my daughter to play with - they are for her.