Tomorrow will be Sandi's one week withdrawl...and it will keep getting better...not that there won't be bad days...as I said it took my H nearly 2 years to flush OW completely from his system...but then again they had a PA and were talking marriage...
Keep up the fight...it is the best thing you will do for your family...and ultimately for you...a good conscience is something that we can't buy...but if we lose it we can feel lower then low...now honestly...what you did was bad...but you are sincerely trying to set matters straight...work on your own feelings...and in time we will be here helping you work your way back to a healthy relationship...
Sandi...you definitely have the ability to be a success story here...you see, you are willing...your H is still willing...so many of us here are working against the tide...working on trying to get our S to return and love...but you see...you are that S...and you are the one here...so in time your want could very well become your life and love...
I hope you sleep well...and keep posting...keep talking to us...we will be honest with you...we won't lie to you for selfish reasons...and if we don't here from you we will post asking where you are....why???...because we really really do care about you and your family...we want you to be a success and we are willing to give what we can to help you get there...
Keep walking the walk...soon you will be talking the talk and living the life!
take care...Lin
You know you can click on names and find archived posts from the beginning of posters arriving here...
Hi NDDT, I know it must be very hard to read what I've said. Being in the other shoes has to be hell on earth. However, for what it is worth, from my expierence it has been hell for the WAW also. I haven't read your stitch, but I will this evening when I get home from work. Like I said before, it is something that is hard to explain once it really gets ahold on a woman...or man, but I can only speak as a woman. I know my H is in pain and I am trying to hurry the healing process up, but I know that I have to take baby steps because I found out the other night when he kissed my on my shoulder that I wasn't ready for the touchy-touchy part. I wish I could help you, and I will tell you or try to answer anything you want to ask me. I never walked away...but if I had had the finances I sure would have. I could have went to stay with my mother, but I knew she would not approve of me seeing the OM and that would have been my main reason for leaving my H. However, if H had not backed off and given me space and stopped smothering me like he was for a while, I would have stayed with Mother just to get away from him. It got that bad. I would spend the entire evenings in the back room on the computer and he stayed in the front room watching tv. We still do, but our attitudes toward each other is different and he knows that I'm not talking to the OM on the computer and that I'm on this board or reading other information to help M. I have really been in a "cram" session trying to read everything I can.
I sure hope things will get better soon for you. Let me hear.
Last edited by sandi2; 07/12/0712:44 PM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I hope you get this message, because I tried to send it another way and it failed. As I've stated before, I haven't learned the ins & outs of this site yet. But this is what I had tried to send you after reading threads on crazedmom. I hope I'm not doing anything inappropriately. Oh boy, that's a laugh...considering my stitch!
I have read and read and read posts to crazedmom. So many people trying to help her. So many people reaching out to her trying to save her from the worst mistake of her life. So many responded to her.
I just want you to know that regardless what SHE does...I have changed my mind! You have perhaps, through the grace of God, helped to save my marriage. Because, I may not have the emotions right now, but through my own free will I choose to stay in my marriage and let go of the OM. What you said to her about the OM stalking you and sending copies of your letters to your job just scared the mess out of me! If nothing else worked, that did!
Anway, last night was a real struggle for me, but I overcame and I will continue to do that if I have to sit here every night and read every thread on this site. But I wanted to tell your personally that you have helped me so very much Amy. I just did not want you to think that all the advice you had given to someone else may have been in vain. You never know who all is reading that advice. I for one will benefit from what you have said.
Thank you for being so willing to help those of us who got so blinded by the wayside. I tried to find all of your story, but did not know how until you told Crazedmom. I will eventually get it all read. I pray that you will have peace.
The last thing, I think it was about the last post you gave to her, you told about the Lord Jesus Christ and the enemy that would break down a marriage. Girl, you won me over when you did that. I am a sinner, but a sinner saved by grace. A lot of people would not understand, but I believe in Christ, He is my Savior. I know exactly what you are talking about the "enemy". It just amazed me how the very thing I taught about in Sunday school to young adults happened to me! I had never been tempted in this area of life before and never thought I would be.
Well, again, I hope we will continue to talk because I will contine to post or whatever you call it...lol. Just wanted to send a private message to you. Just can't thank you enough for giving me a wake-up call through advice to another person. BTW, the very first time you talked to me, it helped beyond anything I know how to express. Take care and I'll talk to you soon.
Sandi2
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hey its ok. I think when you do a reply is just goes as a response to the last poster on the thread. You know reading what you just said makes me smile, and gives me hope too.
I personally feel as if I am coming out of an "angry" stage, and feeling a little lighter. I hope for myself that I can find some peace. For you I hope that you find peace also. That in time you find serenity? I dont know exactly how to say what I want to. But I am happy for you. Life is everyday full of choices, big and little, easy and hard. You made a big one, and a hard one. Now, do not question your choice, dont look back, the choice has been made. Done.
Thanks for posting, being there, and having the balls to tell your story!!! Thanks........
I'm not leaving the board...not by a long shot. I have not "arrived", but I feel as though some kind of vale has been lifted from my eyes. Thank God! It has been hell on earth for my entire family. I don't know who that person is that wants to give up everything she has had for the past 41 years and run to some OM that she doesn't even know. How much sense does that make? I think I was in a state of insanity. I don't know, but it is so scarey to think about it. Now, to face the embarrasement. My grown kids know! And, I have nobody to point the finger at but me. How will I ever win back their respect for me? I don't know. It is still one day at a time. It has only been one week as of today that I have not communicated with OM. My emotions have been rollercoasting from hour to hour until today. Today...they have been pretty steady and positive. Tomorrow...well, hopefully I'll be even stronger. But at least I don't feel like I am on that fence and not knowing which way to fall. Now, I can start to try to advance to the next step. I am going to start to make goals in how to piece my M back together again. First step...finish reading DR. I have been on here every night from the minute I get home from work until I can't keep my eyes open and have to go to bed.
The biggest hurdle for me will be when my H tries to make physical contact with me, you know...touchy-touchy stuff. I pray that my heart will respond and I can give back to him what he wants to give to me. I am so blessed to have him. Any other man would have kicked me out on the street before I even had a chance to turn the EA to PA. It scares me to death to know just how close I came to carring those plans for PA out. Anyway, now I just hope and pray that the OM will not try to pursue meeting me or coming to the town where I live and looking me up. He has enough information about me that he could cause some damage if he wanted to get revenge. Maybe I don't need to be thinking about that kind of stuff right now and just think about the R between H and me.
You guys are awsome the way you spend hours giving of yourselves to help others. Thanks to everyone and I'll be back, probably every night needing encouragement, but I am so at peace tonight compared to last night.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I thought of crazedmom when I read your first post. I am glad you found her old threads and my words back then were able to help you in your situation. Some things are timeless. There are far too many people that live in the 'here and now' and don't understand what happens in the spirit realm.
Ultimately, this battle will always come down to one simple choice. That choice will be between those "two paths" spoken of in the Old Testament.
Choose life, Sandi.
And lest you forget that the Old Testament was a shadow of all the things to come, remember that Jesus came that you might have it (life) even more abundantly.
YEAH!...One week...I am glad you have found strength in the posts of experience here...it is so good that you are now seeing the light and realizing what was happening to you...and I so greatful that this was accomplished without you having to return from the shame of a PA...what you and your H have with each other is special...not many people can proclaim that they have only been with their spouse and no other person...ever!...value that...
You are taking your steps...it will be time for feelings to return...talking to your H will help...and yes it might hurt but in the long run the hurt he may feel (like I did) will help him to grow and make the changes in himself so that you two can become a more complete couple then before...
Finish reading...keep praying for answers and direction...keep focused on your home, family, and H...
When I sent that post to you yesterday, I had no idea that you were going through something awful...well, you know...more than dealing with you M. I wasn't aware of anything, I was just trying to get a message out there to you and let you know how much you had helped me wake up. Then today I was trying to read a lot more your your posts...girl, you got a bunch on here! Then when I thought I was about to get up to date, something was going on but I didn't know what it was. All these people were begging you not to leave the board....and then there my post was right in the middle of theirs. Hummmm. Remember me telling you that I did not know my way around this board or how to get my message to you? I tried to email you and it wouldn't go through, so I just stated writing....but God knew how to direct it to find you.
I don't know what was said by whoever that made you want to give up and quit for a while...gee whiz, you have given so many hours of your life to those of us who needed you...I guess you have a right to be tired of all this. Even after all the posts I read, I am not sure where you are in the R and M at the moment. Amy, you helped save a 41+ year marriage...mine! I am 60 years old and was ready to walk out the door. You shook me up and got my eyes open. I have been in a fog for a little over a year now...call it MLC or whatever. I just know that I could not stand my H a minute longer when I started flirting with the idea of leaving.
As I stated yesterday, I have a lot of healing to do. I know you can't be here everyday to hold our hands for us while we weather our storms, but just please know how valuable you have been to many of us here. I am a newbie...didn't even know where to go to get started on this board...I just jumped in ...probably at the wrong place. But somebody saw my cry for help and alerted AmyC and she came immediately and told me just what I needed to be told. I listened to you. Today, I broke the ties with the OM. I know that I will have to find the strength to abide by that decision now, but I will....my trust will be in the Lord. I've known Him for a long time, I just got lost for a while.
I just wanted to tell you again how much I am thankful that God used you to help me see my way out of the fog. I feel like my old self today. It has been a very, very long time sine I have felt like this. So, hopefully, I can get the desire back for my H and a life with him that I read about you wanting with yours. You see, it is encouraging to me to know that, according to you, those feelings of love for my H will return. I am counting on that!
I hope to hear from you again.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
