I'm just laying down in my bed, in my house, with my wife at her job at night, and living in her own place.
She has been working nights for 2.5 years now, had an affair as a result of choosing to work nights, and I find myself in the same sitch as any other night since 2.5 years ago. Nothing had changed.
And I asked myself, "what the hell am I doing laying in bed at night by myself?????" I want my wife to be there with me at night, and spend afternoons and days off together....but I don't have that and probably never will with my current wife.
So what am I doing? It's not that I am lonely since she has moved out, but that I am lonely from 2.5 years ago.........way before the A, and I have no one that cares a dam about me - at least that's how I feel.
So I am home alone at night, just like any other night since my wife started working nights.
And I ask myself: "What am I doing???"
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
She knows you and knows what buttons to push. Only suggestion I can make, stop reacting to what your wife says.
I am familiar with it, because I use to react to my H all the time. He would say things that would either make me upset, or really hurt me, and I would blow up.
Don't worry if your W goes to councelling, worry about you going. You can't force her, so don't try to stress about it.
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I let SS explain all this to her as she has pushed me over the edge. I am PISSED that she is doing this to us (moved out)!!!!!! And she knows dam well what she is doing! What a GREAT solution she has! In her mind, she thinks that MOVING OUT is a GREAT IDEA and COUNSELING DOESN'T WORK! Freakin GREAT!
Alot of things our spouses do seem insane to us, but it isn't to them. Work on yourself, let her do what she needs to.
It took me 18 months to get to the point where I do not react to my H's comments any more, and I have detached from all of the negative things from our marriage. I think it has made me a more understanding person and put me in a better place.
Will our marriage be saved, more than likely no, I think it is pretty much done, but this process is not really about working on our marriage, it is about working on ourselves.
You will not have all of the answers tomorrow. Be patient and work on yourself.
I keep hearing this a lot from people. 1) To let my W do what she needs to do. And 2) to work on myself....which is extremely important and paramount.
I plan to do both, I just get frustrated sometimes. Hopefully I can reach a point - when my W does something ridiculous - and I just say, "Oh, look at that. How interesting....." without going off on her or getting upset anymore.
Last edited by sol1696; 07/09/0705:53 PM.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
Well, she bought her junk trailer a month ago, was planning it because I'm sure she was looking way before she bought it.
It's been 1 week since she started sleeping in her own place, but she'll still go to the house and sleep there (during the day - she still works nights), it's when my duaghter gets bored to death at her place that my W decides to "babysit" her at the house. For now, I am not complaining about it but thinking about my daughter. I don't like her at the other place, and I'd rather that my W not move out at all....but it was her choice, so she's on her own, more or less. It's obvious that she still relies on me and depends on me for comfort. She's now struggling financially, - again - her choice.
I started picking up my daughter last week from her place - it sucks! (I complimented W on a good job of fixing her place up - inside I am puking and disgusted with it....)
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
At this rate, I foresee that my W will not be able to support herself for a while - like she wanted. And what if she finds herself 100% on her own if we D??? She'll bottom out eventually.
Man, she is acting nice again, getting me to shift on my good side. I wonder if she's sincere or if she needs me to lean on financially? She's not asking for money, but the house is still there within her reach because of the kids. Time will tell.
I am not looking forward to the long ride.....
Last edited by sol1696; 07/09/0706:15 PM.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
She's more of a WAW than MLC.....I think it was a short deep depression phase she went through. Her A was short-lived too, only about 3 months. But there are still issues needing resolving. I have some, but she has more deeper issues to work out.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
Yeah, I knew I still did (love her) and wanted to save my M. Now she is saying that she will never go on another vacation (whether we have money to spend or not)....because I didn't go last time. I was late on the mortgage and other bills, and she ranted about going even though the bills were behind.
She is stuck in her own little world for sure.
I got past the A when I realized it was just a symptom of a bigger problem......and that problem is her and her issues. When she told me that she is going on her own individual trips with my daughter and not including me anymore......I guess that's another sign that my M is dead.
Last edited by sol1696; 07/09/0706:31 PM.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
She left because I called her some derogatory names. And that she needed "space" so we can stop fighting. Well, it seems that we are still fighting but not realizing it.
She just told me that I killed her dream of going to Florida when we couldn't afford to go. And that she has no plans of going anywhere with me in the future as a family, just thinks about taking my daughter with her on her "planned trips"....But I know she bought that damn trailer for a reason that I can't pinpoint.
Only thing I can think of is to get her SIL over here, and get her married to OM like she planned and they can all live there - at least her and SIL. I talked to an immigration atty about her sham marriage plans - but using OM as the guy to marry her sister???? That set me over the edge.....
I am seeing her true colors....
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
I told her to get the f*k out of the house if she's there....She has her own f*ing place now.
How DARE she tell me that I killed her dream vacation??? After what she did???? I am in a rage right now......Who the hell does she think she is?? I'm giving her some freakin space and yet she tells me that she will never go out as a family??? WTF???????
I'm a wreck right now.....went to being fine to this in a matter of minutes thanks to her mouth.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
She just told me that I killed her dream of going to Florida when we couldn't afford to go. And that she has no plans of going anywhere with me in the future as a family, just thinks about taking my daughter with her on her "planned trips
All I can to say to that is she is trying to justify her own decisions. does it make sense to you, or most people...nope, does it make sense to her...yes.
Who is not guilty of that? I know I was!
This will be a long ride, stand strong, we are all here for ya
