I think I need a new screen name considering I'm no longer hoping...
Feeling much calmer and less emotional the past few days. Have decided not to file for D at his point. It's just a piece of paper and I would not benefit in any way right now. And after much thought, I don't want OW to get anything that should belong to my boys.
As for the letter, I still think I will stick to something closer to my original, just because it's how I feel and I'm not trying to save anything anymore, so I feel like I'm being fair to myself by telling him all the things I've kept in for so long. (Sorry oldtimer...but I do appreciate your input and will still consider what you said...)
Instead of the letter, I have also been thinking of just having a talk with him and saying somthing like: I accept that you and I are over and I'm really ok with that. I do hope that we can start being friends again when you're ready.
I think he is confusing my friendliness with me still wanting to work things out. I'd like some form of closure rather than just letting things end the way they have.
Is there any point for me to continue my efforts at just being nice to him and trying to build a friendship with him when he doesn't reciprocate? Wouldn't going dark and giving him space, etc be a DB tactic? I'm no longer trying to save my M. I just want to end it on better terms, but is it too late for that?
M: 33 MLC/WAH: 33 M 6 yrs, together 12 2 kids: 5,2 Bomb #1: 4/06 - "I don't love you anymore", almost S Bomb #2: 7/06 - EA/PA since late 05, kicked H out/S Bomb #3: 1/07 - "No longer have any feelings for you. It's over.", living w/OW, no talk of D
Having a crappy day. Started off good with a company golf competition. Trusted H to get S5 to school for me (which he never helps me with). He told me nicely last night that he had to interview someone around that time but for me not to worry about it and that he'd take care of it. S5 called me 3 times to let me know Daddy still had not come to get him (sent someone else we trusted to do it for him, but S5 refused to get in car with him). I asked H to try to bring him to school, even if he was going to be late, but never heard from him again. S5 ended up staying home from school (at in-law's with in-law who doesn't drive). Normally, I would have freaked out at something like this, but I let it go because it's just one day of kindergarten. I know now not to trust H though. Feel bad for S5 because I think he is also starting to realize H is unreliable, but still doesn't want to admit it. H also left S5 on Saturday night which is suppoed to be his night with him. I am guessing that he's having problems with OW because he's doing a lot of the same things he did during their last fight a few months back (contacting old friends, contacting me for no real reason). Plus, a friend ran in to skank yesterday and said she looked like she got run over by a truck - no make-up and huge black circles under her eyes, like she hadn't slept in 3 days. I figure she's freaking out because all of her friends (their roommates) have left since restaurant closed (taking tons of cash with them, I assume) and she now has no one to spend the weekends with, so she's trying to get H to spend time with her instead of S5. Of course, this is all just analyzing and does nothing for me.
I guess what's really got me down is that our 2 dogs are suddenly both doing poorly, healthwise. I had to bring one down to the vet Saturday night to have to 2 lumps removed because one was starting to bleed. Then today, the other one who has been fine all along, is having trouble standing (maybe hip dysplasia?). The first dog was a kind of like a gift from my H to me. I always say he got the dog to trap me in to dating/staying with him (he got him 2 weeks after we started dating). He was our first baby. We got the 2nd one 2 years later. It seems strangely symbolic that they are suddenly sick after being completely healthy all their lives, although they are old for big dogs at 12 and 10. Coincides with the demise of our relationship...
As I was cleaning up the kitchen tonight, S5 asked me to bend down. I did and he gave me a kiss on the cheek and then hugged me. S2 joined us and I hugged them back for the longest time, not wanting to let go. It was just what I needed.
Still don't know what I want to say to H, if even anything at all. I'm just so sick of it all.
M: 33 MLC/WAH: 33 M 6 yrs, together 12 2 kids: 5,2 Bomb #1: 4/06 - "I don't love you anymore", almost S Bomb #2: 7/06 - EA/PA since late 05, kicked H out/S Bomb #3: 1/07 - "No longer have any feelings for you. It's over.", living w/OW, no talk of D
Hi still hoping, Thanks for posting on my thread. I have not followed your sitch, but I just read that you are not standing anymore. You need to do whatever you think is the best for you.
You seem to have two lovely kids who love you. Take care.
