New to this.....feeling down

[osu43130]

Sol,

Bro, be nice and compliment something. You said she is fixing it up to make it at least look nicer. What has she done to it? Hung pictures whatever, Compliment something. There has to be something that she has done to the trailer that you think looks good eventhough it is a run down piece of sh!t.

Remember to lovingly detatch. Stay away from you anger in this and just be friendly. I am not saying be her best friend right now but be a friend/Coworker.

One last thing.

Just remember she is trying. She is trying to do what is right at this point in her life. Granted what you see as right and what she sees as right are two totally diferent things right now but she is trying in her own way. I have a hard time dealing with that aspect with CPB as well but it is something I HAVE to accept. I HAVE to accept the fact that she is trying to do what is best for her right now it might not be what I believe is right for her, for me, for our kids, but it is what she feels she needs to do right now in HER life. Similar as YOU are doing the things YOU have to do for YOU in YOUR life.

Hope that makes sense.

[~Sol]

I hear you.....the main thing I got from your post is that I need to watch my anger.

I'll try to be nice. It's freakin hard to do. But I'll try.....

[osu43130]

How about this.....DETATCH FROM YOUR ANGER....Let it go.

You have to do that for your own sanity.

[~Sol]

I have my next counseling appt tomorrow. I reminded my wife about it, but so far she didn't respond about going. She told me last week she wasn't......

[~Sol]

I just got back from a counseling session. It was supposed to be a MC session, but turned into an IC session due to my wife's refusal to go. Guess working on the marriage is a no go for her - and she seems to be doing things her way.

Still, it was good for me to get my whole story out to the counselor who now understands where I am coming from. She pointed out some anger issues I need to work on, and referred me to a psychiatrist so I can get on some AD's. In a way it was good that my W was not there so I can get my side out and prove to the counselor there was actually an affair on my W's part, and some near-misses on my part but I explained that I was angry and felt like having my own affair in the past. Glad I didn't.

So I go back in 2 weeks, and see the psychiatrist in 3 weeks. The psychiatrist is a male, but I chose him over a female psychiatrist for his timeliness (my therapist pointed it out) and my short window during work hours. I don't have a preference over male or female counselors, but it helps to hear things from a woman's perspective so I can know what I need to work on.

Once the counselor understood my sitch, it made me feel like I am not going crazy after all.

[~Sol]

Hey Jazz......

Yeah, it feels like I am making progress - at least with myself.

[MikeinMidland2]

Sol,

This is good. It is fine to vent and commiserate and get advice here, but it's always a good idea to get professional advice in critical situations.

Most of my counselors have been women, but my psych was a man. Visits with him were more like a doctor's appt--15 to 20 min just to get a quick update and evaluate the effectiveness of the meds.

[~Sol]

I have one more "free" session, but I want to continue my therapy to find out where we went wrong....or rather, where I went wrong since my wife doesn't want to go anymore. I want to work on myself, and make sure that I am not that damaged internally and able to have a healthy R if I wanted to. I hope these sessions will help me discover my flaws that are magnified by the bad dynamics of my current R. For some reason, I react badly to my W in her way of "communicating" and in "arguing". I told my counselor that I flare up when my W goes into her "mean mode"....and she pointed out that I need to work on anger mgt for myself. Too bad my W wasn't there to benefit from this session, but it was mainly for my own sanity.

I am not crazy......

[~Sol]

Wife has a way of pissing me off. With her move out, I am FORCED to cut back on my expenses, including removing SS from my old insurance policy. Since he won't be able to DRIVE anymore, he doesn't want to waste his money on paying his part of the auto insurance, and I just took out a new policy with a new company since the old company wants proof that he secured insurance someplace else in order to remove him.

Well, my stupid wife is asking me WHY he needs to turn in his driver's license, and I tried to explain to her that while he lives in this household and holds a valid license that he MUST have insurance with SOME OTHER insurance company. My new insurance company will find out that he used to be on my old policy and will want proof of the same. So the best thing for him is to not hold his license and simply turn it back in since he won't be driving any of our cars, and wife wants to keep me and her on the new policy so we can save. So I told him to get a new ID card BEFORE he turns in his license. Wife is confused why he needs to do this, and I just want to EXPLODE on her by telling her BECAUSE SHE MOVED OUT SHE IS CAUSING LOTS OF CHANGES AND FINANCIAL HARDSHIPS ON ALL OF US!!!!

I let SS explain all this to her as she has pushed me over the edge. I am PISSED that she is doing this to us (moved out)!!!!!! And she knows dam well what she is doing! What a GREAT solution she has! In her mind, she thinks that MOVING OUT is a GREAT IDEA and COUNSELING DOESN'T WORK! Freakin GREAT!

Oh, and my daughter thinks that my wife can get married again. I explained to my daughter that we are still married, and mommy simply moved out, but in order for her to get married again we need to be divorced, and that means getting a piece of paper that says we are no longer married anymore. My daughter finally understood this, she was confused by my wife moving out and thought that we are both going to see other people and get married to them.

[~Sol]

OK, I'm getting calm again. I really need that anger mgt training that my counselor is getting me on. I also need those AD's.

Funny thing, I know some D people where one spouse has gone to MC and the other has refused. Why is this? I want to go because I want to see if I can come out of this OK, and the benefits are there for me to use anyway, so why not? I'm glad I am going, it gives me a better perspective about my life and where I am in this R. My W still acts like she is my wife sometimes. We hug when we leave each other and she calls just about everyday. I guess this space of hers is helping HER out, but not me per say.

My counselor was curious if my daughter had spent the night over at her place, and I told her she did. I also told her that my wife and I agreed that the house (where I live) will be my daughter's primary and only residence. My W is not pushing D, she's just happy being separated.

Still, it's starting to feel like we are headed for a civil and agreeable divorce so we each can go on with our own lives. My wife has different ideas, like keeping me around as long as she can - for what reason I don't know. This solution of hers just stinks the big one.

I'm taking my daughter out to the Virginia Aquarium to see the big "fishies". That is a COOL place to go see!