Still stuck in Limbo Land

[MariS]

Well, I've locked yet another thread & its been a full week since I have logged on 2 the BB.

Mary, my gosh - you & I are soooo much in the EXACT same place.
Like you, I'm questioning myself about deadline date, but have determined 2 view it as a review/evaluation date & not a real deadline. Have EXACT same thought & needs.

When WAH-MLCer goes on his vacation @ the end of the month, if OW is anywhere remotely involved, that is my breaking point!!!

Yes, I too want a vacation, even for a weekend, but in the same boat w/budget.

<sigh> another day in Limbo Land........

Journaling from last week.

Had date night w/WAH-MLCer w/other couple. Was okay & we went out 2 bar afterwards while they went home. Ran into friend of OW & I could tell that WAH-MLCer was on edge. Evening went downhill from there, because this friend we ran into was also a friend of WAH-MLCer & acquantence of mine.

WAH-MLCer thought I said to "Tell XYZ hello for me" when we left, when actually said "Tell Everyone hello for me." Thinking of all the other GFs that I kinda knew but haven't seen or spoken to in a year due to the situation. He was drunk..

Very proud of myself for keeping quiet while WAH-MLCer spewed vial & threats. I thought to myself, fine drop me off, pay the sitter & if you leave (he was threatening) so be it, I am much stronger now, will miss you & so will child, but I will survive.

Weekend spent at rent property & several couples came out w/kids for the day & WAH-MLCer said he was surprised. Well duh, show a united front & that we are doing good & our friends will support us. Geez - but I kept quiet.

Now as of this morning, WAH-MLCer has admitted to me that he is broken, isn't happy, doesn't want to talk to anyone, & was looking forward to his trip.

My reply was that I would do what ever I could to help, he responded w/a he didn't want to go into this conversation w/me right now.

SO, I am letting WAH-MLCer be. Give him the rope to hang himself. GAL'ing & doing "okay."

We/I have come along way since last August, still taking it one day @ a time, with many prayers.

Sending PMA to everyone!

[maryfromaustin]

Hope you're doing ok. THINGS WILL ALWAYS BE BETTER! if you're going thru a difficult time now, i've learned that things will be alot better tomorrow.


i noticed that i'm not posting like i used to. i'm GAL. i'm detaching from my H. i'm not so focused on our marriage, our problems, etc etc. it's what i've wanted since this whole nightmare happened.


now the good stuff.


my H came back from NY last wed and since then we've communicated alot better. he was flirting with me alot on friday and on saturday it was a strange day. he first came out with some heartbreaking news. he was told by his company that he should get the divorce so i won't have any interest in the "company" later on. WHAT THE HELL!!! now his so called boss (a wannabe man) is interested in his personal life? hhmm, sounds fishy. then he told me "it's not what you think. i want to reconcile but i can't trust you completely yet. if we have an agreement then we'll start counseling and we'll reconcile".

what to think? he says he misses the kids and doesn't want to be apart from them anymore. i'm thrilled. but worried about this so called company. i told him i'd sign a post nuptial agreement but no divorce. i gave him the whole sacred vows story and that i wasn't going to let any man/woman come between us. til death do us part! he agreed, no divorce. but that it would take time for the trust issue. i says to him "i've waited this long for you to come along, i think i can wait a bit longer for you to trust me"


what do you think?

[MariS]

Mary,

This is GREAT!!!!

Your H has actually said to you that he wants to reconcile AND work on M. WOW and double WOW!!!

I think the offer to sign a post nup is very generous of you, but would wait to see/learn more about this "Company Interest" first, before signing anything.

BTW, please clarify, boss a man or woman?

Will send you more prayers & PMA. Like you, I am working & doing my best to GAL w/friends & child.

Will need your input on my next post - please....

[MariS]

Journaling...

Has been a doozie of a week since I last posted, so I will cut to the chase.

WAH-MLCer not wanting sex for the past couple of days, saying tired & being somewhat moody/angry. Trying to start fights over stupid stuff. Complaining about my low sex drive (another story)

Went to wedding & he was cordial & polite, but didn't really socialize much w/me & I him. No big deal, until I found out later from MIL, who fed the pets for us that evening, that the friend/OW showed up at OUR HOUSE. MIL stated that OW was either drunk or on something.

Either way, MIL handled it w/class & did not engage conversation or anything, but was polite & quiet.

NOW, MIL is going to talk to S, my WAH-MLCer, & let him know of the incident.

What the F was the OW thinking to do that?

Now I am concerned that I have a "Fatal Attraction" & so is MIL. I guarantee, the next 24hrs to 10day is going to tell a lot

I am a very observant person & will even be more so now. I'm going into "Mamma Bear" mode for child & so is MIL.

Advise?????

[maryfromaustin]

COOCKOO FOR COCOPUFFS!!!!


i would put aside any fears about MLC getting upset with you. screw him and his OW. she has no class and is obviously determined to get what SHE wants......your husband.

i would definitely have an adult conversation with MLC about this crazy woman. who the hell gave her permission to go to your house????

definite ultimatum! he either tells that wench to not ever show up at your doorstep, email you, or call you OR ELSE YOU WILL NOTIFY THE POLICE FOR HARRASSMENT! you are in every right. don't let him intimidate you mariS!! please! if he cares so much about that wench than your child's safety then SCREW HIM!! i know it's hurtful but your child's safety is most important NOW more than ever.

what if you put your foot down? he's seeing someone else, why not see someone yourself? nothing porno-ish, just plain innocent adult friendship. i do. and it's helped alot.

[MariS]

Mary,

You are right about child's safety. I have not confronted WAH-MLCer about OW, but let his Mom mention the incident, since she was the one that was confronted by OW.

At least OW's myspace shows she is single. At present, I think she is just trying to hurt me emotionally & have me loose it, therefore run WAH-MLCer back into her arms. NaDa, NOT happening! Thank goodness for the DR Book!!!

I'm also reaching the point of not caring anymore. Have two jobs & starting a business, so I really am GALing for me.

Journaling...

Week was decent. WAH-MLCer went out of town for a night for a guy thing. Was able to confirm it was legit. We went to a friends couple shower, people we have know for years.

Now he is on a guy trip to CA, returning this weekend.

WAH-MLCer has shown the classic signs, restless, disturbed sleep, irritable moods, drinking. Finding it VERY hard to keep quiet, as if & ignore, knowing that these are HIS demons & issues, not mine.

Still thankfull that his relationship w/child has improved and each day that God gives me for my life.

Have hinted to WAH-MLCer that maybe I need a CHL & inquiring where my items are, just in case I need "extra protection" when he is not at the house. Thought that would be a strong enough hint as to the OW.

[MariS]

Journaling,

It has been a VERY long up & down week. WAH-MLCer was out of town w/guys having fun, while I'm at home woring & holding down the fort. (at least OW was not on the trip, but who knows who he might have met out there)

I am begining to have anger issues again & need help.

WAH-MLCer is being VERY selfish AND self-righteous. One day he is nice & helpfull & then the next the complete opposite.

This is so very hard to stay the course. It is so hard not to snap & "fight back." Like the old me would.

WAH-MLCer is still not really working, living off of family money, spending the day at relative's apartment & not really helping unless it looks good for him.

I'm begining to feel that I am being used. Not only as a housekeeper, cook, child caretaker, but as a whore. I don't feel any connection, and the fact that he won't kiss me, keeps reminding me of the movie "Pretty Woman."

Need to scrounge more $$$ to schedule w/Laurie (DB Coach)
But also trying to start my own business while working two jobs.

Thoughts?

[maryfromaustin]

hi maris,

i'm sorry you're going through a rough week. seems up and down lately. i pray that you feel better about YOU and only YOU. you're husband is very negative about his life right now. this only bringing negativity into YOUR life. you're the one supporting your child and yourself and him. you can't focus on the important stuff because he's bringing you down.

meditate.

focus on positive things. only positive. if you have a good memory of your family, write it down. keep writing the good stuff. it will eliminate all the negative things around you........your husband's selfish, childish ways.

[MariS]

Journaling,

Well, I'm amazed it has been 2 wks since I've posted. Which is a GOOD thing 4 me. I'm taking back control of my life & focusing on me, child, family & work.

Still working 2 jobs. BUT, WAH-MLCer keeps saying he will let me handle the bills 4 the house, etc & pay me by check once a month. Yeah right, he needs to pony up some cash 2 open an account first.

WAH-MLCer is still in limbo land & is Dr. Jykle/Mr. Hide.

Either way, he still won't kiss me, still blames me 4 everthing & is verbally abusive when he has been drinking. Says I'm a bad kisser & he is'nt emmotionally invested in this relationship. Says I am using child against him to remain in it.

The way I have changed is I no longer "fight back" when he is drunk or I have been drinking, I just look inward & see that he is hurt, lost & lashing out to make himself feel better. When he is not drinking, he is pleasant & helpfull. Even commented a few days ago about my B-Day coming up & a hunting trip in the fall, but was making sure it wouldn't conflict with our anniversary. I just kept quiet on those comments.......

Last night was a nice family dinner out @ last minute. I'm still doing the bulk of everything 4 house, pets & child, but WAH-MLCer actually helped some w/child. For the first time in a long time, I sat on the sofa w/WAH-MLcer, my head in his lap, reading a magazine while he watched t.v. Even rubbed his feet when he asked me to.

This morning, I was awaken nicely at 5am :-) & he did kiss me some during it. AND later helped again w/child.

I took child to school & made it to work. 30 minutes after being at work, I receive a call on the main line. Imagine my shock when I see the OW's name & # on caller ID. It took me two rings to answer & I greeted pleasantly with the comapny's name. She hung up on me.

I then called WAH-MLCer 2 thank him 4 dinner, this morning & helping w/child. Then I mentioned the call from OW. His reply was I could talk to her if I want, I replied that she hung up on me. Either way, I was good, really enjoyed the evening & appreciated his help. Then we hung up.

Since then, WAH-MLCer has called 2 talk about friends who's parent is ill & they are in town. We might be going out to dinner again tonight.

Either way, I am "As If'ing" w/my day & saying multiple prayers.
Plan to stop at book store & purchase "Proper care & feeding of husbands" and maybe a book on kissing (ha..ha..)

Thoughts?

Advice?

Suggestions?

Mary - will catch up on your thread soon. You are never out of my thoughts, & continually in my daily prayers. (Big Hug to you)

[peaceful_spirit]

mari,
Sounds like you're taking a new approach and sounds like it's working. Keep it up. Don't fight him. Let him fight himself.

Keep it up