You are handling things well and have a good understanding of your sitch. Its pretty confusing for all of us at times and we all have the benefit of 20/20 hindsight so best not to worry about oportunities lost, there will be new ones.
And the name-thing? Let's just say I'm easily-confused at times.
Oh, hey, Sunny (and Nomo), I FINALLY got your name! I should be ashamed (but am not) that I had to give my friends yest. the phone-number clue and they, o/c, imm. started singing the name part. I confess, the ONLY part of that dang song that would come to my brain was the "I got it [I GOT it] I got your number on the wa--ll"(and it was making me crazy, thank you very much ). This type thing was so common, I used to joke w/H that trivia stuff (including people's names - and NOT just acquaintances! - movie details oh, like the title or the actors in it & pretty much anything but a vague idea of the storyline, heck even (8 yrs later) the name of the last lawfirm I worked at -- used to go into some abyss in my brain, never to be seen from again. But ask me where a piece of paper is? Want me to quote the specifics of a particular case/client from 8yrs ago? You got it. Weird.
Obviously rambling this morning. Got a full 8hrs sleep (yay, me!) on top of that 1hr nap last eve even! so I'm feeling pretty good.
Have a sticky sitting on my keyboard to remind me to call my (estranged for many yrs, but reconciling the R post-Bomb) dad later this morn. & plan a visit for me/kids for the next wk or so. He & mom live about 2 1/2 hrs away, on a boat at a marina (which I'm not even gonna think about regarding the 2 active kids) but it's the thing to do now.
I hope all you dads have a happy Fathers Day. You ARE great dads no matter what your marital sitch & no matter even if you can spend time w/your kids on this particular day. You are great & loving & strong - & demonstrating some wonderful qualities in a man, a father, & a H. Peace, today, and always. j.
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Me: 45 - WAH: 36 S8; D6 M: 11 yrs 07/06 Initial Bomb 10/06; D Bomb 11/06 - DBing begun 1/5/07 - H moved out 03/16/07 To date: No papers filed; H not seen a L; trying to convince me to MUTUALLY file for D
So I think we went 10 days w/o a Talk. *sigh* H just did another "Can I talk to you outside?". The 'high' points:
H started off by asking YET AGAIN, "I've got the names of 2 or 3 Mediators & need to know if you'll meet w/them, or if we have to get L's." w/my same response - altho he did repeat it to me, too. Same talk about 'business' and how I cannot see sitting down & AGREEING to things w/someone who thinks & feels aobut me & what I "deserve" as he does. He said sev. times "I'm trying here, J." or "I'm trying the best way I can." kept trying to start a division-of-stuff discussion and, after I'd put that off sev. times & he persisted (kept tyrying diff angles) asked if he'd seen a L (He was obviously working off some Buddy-Advice). He said he didn't need to "spent a couple grand to learn what I already know", and asked "Why? Have you?" I said "Yes" (non-confrontational). He seemed really surprised but quickly hid it. Also wanted to know WHO I saw "So I don't call the same one." I said, "You won't. You don't know the name of it." (not wanting to even give away tht it was a woman for some reason)
He brought up that he thinks I still think the D won't happen. I said "I know it will. If you want it, it will happen & I took my knuckes & 'wrote' on the garage wall, saying the words "I KNOW". Exclamation point. He said "Okay."
He says has it all figured out, and knows what it would take to do the D, and we don't need to pay a L to get involved. (He said, "I want the house, and I'll take all the debt that goes w/it." and "We know what the child support is, right?" (referring, prob. to the on-line chart based on salary/# of kids tho it's adjustable as well) says the only debt I will take is whatever is on the cc in my name ("Whatever you've run up in the last few months." b/c it was rarely used before.) (He never mentioned alimony, but said (referring to kid-sharing), that he would alternate years: One year having them 182 days, and the next year 183 days. - Obviously trying for that 50/50 & Alimony is Null thing, but wrong.) I kept saying, "J, talk to a L."
He said "So you're okay w/being served, then?" (w/L's - scare tactic he thinks) & I said, "That's how it's done." He siad "Not if you don't contest it & we go down to file it together." I said (and part of this is new for our Talks) "I will not do this WITH you, J. I will NEVER file for D myself, and I will not say this is a JOINT agreement. D is your decision, and you have every right to make it, but it's not one I agree w/, want for my life, or think is warranted for our situation. I would pay as much money as L's would charge, and then some, to re-create a Happily-Ever-After M w/you." H: "What's that mean?" Me: "There is alot that can be done to fix what went wrong w/us, and give us a wonderfully loving & respectful M. I want that kind of M -" H: "With who? Me?!" Me: "Yes. I want that kind of M for me, and I want it for you, too." H: "Well, that's not going to happen." and I think this is where he tried to get it back to L's & money. . .and after a pause, he said something like "Well, I guess it has to be L's then." and I gave a tiny little disappointed squish of my mouth, turned & went thru the door into the house.
So, it was a talk; but (yay!) it wasn't ugly. A reality check, if you will.
Last edited by stillme; 06/18/0704:11 PM.
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Me: 45 - WAH: 36 S8; D6 M: 11 yrs 07/06 Initial Bomb 10/06; D Bomb 11/06 - DBing begun 1/5/07 - H moved out 03/16/07 To date: No papers filed; H not seen a L; trying to convince me to MUTUALLY file for D
Sorry to hear about your H's attitude and plans, you handled it fantastically j! I'll keep you in my prayers as you continue to do your part to reconcile your marriage.
