Why is this like this?

[NDDT]

Hi guys. Got back from camping with daughter about 2 hours ago. Happy fathers day.

Sorry to report that I broke down on my quitting smoking. I made it 7 days without one, then Friday night I cracked and went and bought a pack. Plan on trying to get back to quitting tommorow. I think this might take a few trys to get it right.

Camping was fun, but one thing that was hard. There were alot more people camping than last time I went. To see all of the couples (happy?) and then just me and my daughter there. Well it did make me feel somewhat sad.

I think I am going to break my total darkness tommorrow when she comes to pick up our daughter. I plan to just say one thing to her. It has been 2 months since I really said anything to her, and I want her to know that I am still here? I dont want her to think that I have moved on past us.

So the olive branch I plan on extending is just the simple statement. "I miss you" and leave it at that.

I dont know, good idea? Be more patient and dark? I mean for all the feelings I have been feeling. The anger. The hurt. The sadness. It all does boil down to, I do miss her. And I think I want her to know that I do...........

[Nomopo]

I think Dark is overrated and overused, Definitely called for in some sitchs, but I have my doubts about yours.

[NDDT]

I think that I have talked about this a bit lately. I am still of the mind to say something to my wife tommorrow. I am not sure if saying "I miss you" is the correct thing.....

But I do want to extend an olive branch of sorts. I want to say something to her that lets her know that I am still here hoping that we can somehow work all this out, yet on the other hand I do not want to put her in a position that she feels pressured....

Or do I perhaps just continue with my being quiet and patient?

She did include a small gift for me with the fathers day card from daughter, so I will thank her for that.......but do I perhaps throw an "I miss you" in with it???

Way open to suggestions here.............

[swashy]

Nope. No "I miss you's" NDDT. All that will do is pressure her and if she is not missing you (sorry)...it will just remind her of that and make her question why...which does you no good. Seriously, don't do it. She knows what you want - you don't need to keep bringing it up. No need to keep repeating the message.

I think you simply need to focus on being happy, confident and strong right now. Letting her know that you miss her is being weak. I'm starting to really buy into this whole Alpha Male thing. That doesn't mean being a jerk...just confident and strong. Read some of Frank Ds stuff.

[Chevelle]

Nope. No "I miss you's" NDDT. All that will do is pressure her and if she is not missing you (sorry)...it will just remind her of that and make her question why...which does you no good. Seriously, don't do it. She knows what you want - you don't need to keep bringing it up. No need to keep repeating the message.

I think you simply need to focus on being happy, confident and strong right now. Letting her know that you miss her is being weak. I'm starting to really buy into this whole Alpha Male thing. That doesn't mean being a jerk...just confident and strong. Read some of Frank Ds stuff.

That just reinforces the facts all over this board that what you are doing...(by that I mean not saying how you truly feel but rather acting as-if), is the hardest thing to do....

Swashy is right, she knows how you feel, so just carry your head high and don't let what her actions do dictate yours. Let her see, hear and observe your actions that you arent letting this sitch get you down and depressed, because they can sense that.

God Bless

Chevelle

[Iamworththetime]

That just reinforces the facts all over this board that what you are doing...(by that I mean not saying how you truly feel but rather acting as-if), is the hardest thing to do....

Ain't it the truth? I'm so afraid that she'll take my actions as if I am okay with a D, that I have to fight not tell her how I feel or ask her her feelings whenever we talk.

[Chevelle]

I wouldnt let them know you are ok with a D, but let them know if you want one, you will grant it, but make them do all the work and see if they procrastinate...which in turn gives you time..

Ahhh, time and patience...wish we humans were issued that in droves at birth.

God Bless

Chevelle

[Iamworththetime]

I wouldnt let them know you are ok with a D

I am NOT okay with a D, what I meant was that by me having a PMA, being upbeat when I talk to her, and by not initializing contact that she will think I am. Sorry for the confusion.

[NDDT]

Dustin I hear you loud and clear. I guess that is kinda where I am at too. I have been quiet about stuff for awhile now, and I am starting to wonder if she really thinks that I am ok with it all?

I guess I am getting a little impatient here, but some sort of clue to where she is at would be nice. I suppose though thinking about it aloud here, if she is going to go after a divorce, I probably would have heard something by now. Maybe I do need to be patient...
She must be still mulling all of this around. Maybe she waiting for me to give her another push??? Ok, I guess I should just chill for awhile yet?? Ok, going back to my movie now......."Norbit"

[Nomopo]

Well, I don't think "I miss you" is the right way to break the darkness, but as I said before, I think darkness seems to be a little overrated around here, and people are too quick to try it. Others may disagree, but if you want to break the darkness, why not just break it by being upbeat, positive and friendly and saying "Hi, how's it going?" Or something like that? Go from your self-described total darkness to how you would treat a friend.

Didn't we exchange some posts not to long ago in which you were complaining about not having any contact with your W, and thus no chance to show her the new you and positive interactions? If so (I may be getting my threads mixed up), I guess I forgot in that exchange that YOU had imposed total darkness. If all of that is true, I guess you had expected her to break through your total darkness and seek out opportunities to connect with you.

Maybe it's time to re-evaluate your marriage-saving strategy. How long have you been dark? What kinds of reactions have you been getting? Do you think you have given the strategy long enough to work? If not, how much longer do you think you need? If it has been long enough, do the results warrant continuing the stratey or changing. (There you go. SSS, right?)

Nomopo