Stillme's Chapters Continue Some More

[stillme]

Just journaling the interaction:

H came as I was in D's room reading w/them. He let himself in the front door w/o even knocking; called "Let's go, kids". S ran to see him; D said "I want to stay w/you" when I asked "Aren't you going to see daddy?" So I shooed her out & went into S's room to pick up/make the bed. (I hear H turn down the Music Channel on the t.v.) After a bit (kids running back & forth getting shoes etc) I went to living room, stood w/arms folded leaning against the wall, & asked (matter-of-fact) "Do you want to keep the kids tomorrow night since you didn't get Mon.or Tues. this wk?" H says he can't/wasn't planning on it b/c of his work schedule, going so far as to show me his little calendar & pointing out his X'd out work days & his dentist appt. Fri.) Then he reverses. Back & forth for a little bit. Finally agree I will call him when I know what time Thurs night & he'll bring them back to me Fri. after b'fast for the playdate at 10am. After that was finished, I took a few steps towards the kitchen & he started talking again - about NEEDING the Yukon to p/u his boat engine (and he's rifling thru a photo stack [of MY childhood photos, given to me by my parents the other day]. So tho I came back around the corner from the kitchen, I didn't say anything & he asked "Or are you going to be difficult about me using the car when I need it?" and I said that separating our lives means separating everything, and it wasn't OUR car anymore.
H: "But I mow the lawn."
Me:"Yes. B/c you are using the garage to store your boat FOR NOW."
H: "So you're telling me I need to get a diff vehicle to tow my boat --"
Me:"Yes. And another place to store it, after the D."
H: "Well, what about for now? Are you going to tell me I can't use it to p/u my engine?"
Me: "One: IF you can tell me WHEN you want to use it and IF I'm not busy. . . and TWO: IF you can ASK for the favor instead of TELLING ME how it's gonna be. . ."
H: Then let me rephrase: CAN I use the Yukon to p/u the engine when I need it?"
Me: If I'm not busy, yeah, maybe."
He left, slamming the front door.
(Kids were outside in his car during all this.)

Stage: check
Props: check
Character X Character Development: check, begun
Character Y fallen off his "I'm the Writer, Director & Producer of this Story. Nothing happens unless I want it to" chair.
On to Scene Two (tomorrow eve.) . . .

(Boys & girls, don't try this at home!)

[Nomopo]

Awesome. Probably goes without saying, but for this work you're likely to have to be consistent for a period of time.

[stillme]

Consistent w/the New & Improved GALing, 180's, mytery, etc. Yeah. But I'm thinking to throw in occasional "nice J" moments of confusion, too.

Gotta run. BBS.
j.

[Nomopo]

Hmmm. Well, thinking off the top of my head, I guess I could see some appearances by Nice J just in tone, and attitude (as opposed to putting up with his demands versus requests, making things fit his schedule and his BS tone from time to time). On the other hand, maybe Nice J goes on a long vacation. Do you want this new message to be confused or pretty darn clear?

[Reincarnated]

I don't know if you should be having so much fun ;0)

I went out and bought myself new perfume, toe rings, running around/on the computer/on the phone with H around, by and large. Or snuggling with the kids.

H told me today that there is a 6 month wait for passports (why does he care if I go to Italy? Why is he talking with the guy at work about it? Hmmmmm)

[stillme]

Oh, I want the message to be clear as a bell, but I want HIM confused! (Consider how much of our [LBS] time is spent trying to figure out WHY our S is doing something, WHAT they are thinking, WHETHER the 'clues' mean what we think they mean . . .H being focused on ME (rather than his own selfish self, or his, ick, anger) can only be a Good Thing, no?

A bit more of the Respect/Worth reasoning: Consider that every time H thought a neg thing about me, my side of the Worth scale went down a notch and, at the same time (b/c they are intrinsicly linked), H's side went up a notch. "She's out of shape" click "She's no fun" click "She's not interesting" click "She doesn't love me enough" click "she doesn't understand my financial stresses" click click . . . until THUD my side of the scale hits lowest point & H's side is as far up as it can go. THAT's when he looks (down) at me & was able to have the thought that: I deserve so much more/better than her. and was able to make the decision that "D is the only thing to do" altho "gee, I hate to hurt her, poor thing". There's noooo respect. Since then - altho DBing worked wonderfully for the most part - b/c of OUR (unique?) sitch/emotions/characters, H has gone from feeling pity for me to resentment, disgust, ANGER & contempt for all that I am & all I have done post-DBing. It has allowed him to continue NOT respecting me, and to see me as Weak & unworthy of him.

To (Dobson) get my M back on track, I need to put a stop to the DISrespect. Then I need to get my Worth increased. Since a thing's (person's) Worth increases exponentially with the amount it is desired (by others) & the cost to attain it, H needs to not only think/feel/know that I'm not his to pick up off the floor if/when he chooses (NOT!) but that he will have to WORK to gain my attention. (Think: Did you want the (easy) person who was wanting YOU, or did you want the cheerleader/jock who EVERYONE thought was "the bomb"? If you do ebay/auctions: How much more (time, effort, money) are you willing to invest in something when you think it might be snatched out from under your nose by another bidder?) Interesting stuff.


PS - Donna, EVERYTHING can be expedited w/a little $$.

[C_K]

j

I wholeheartedly agree with every thing I have been reading lately on your thread.
My W is still wrapped up in her A with OM but I know she is looking back as well , She sees a Man that is confident , has let her go , looking after his kids and himself ( Ive lost 13 Kgs = 28 Lbs ) and is now happy.
Now if at some stage she wants back in its going to be interesting as I am not where I was 6 , 3 or even 1 month ago.

I know its going to go well for you and you will build yourself a happy successful life no matter what.

Dave

[Reincarnated]

Ditto :0)

Have you seen the thread over with TJ (hope the initals are right). Homer's book is the title...

Interesting stuff/take on the GAL part of the plan...but it plays to the whole respect piece. I screwed that up tonight, btw--got caught in a white lie, and got that "look" from him, like that must be the real me all of the time and he can't ever forgive anything. (Its over on my thread)

OK, when can we call a do-over?

[Nomopo]

It's been more than 24 hours and you're on page 6. Are you applying the new "lucky to have me" strategy to us too?

[stillme]

LOL. YOu guys DO "have me"! I pop on here at all odd hours, just to at least lurk & check up on y'all.

(And pg.6??? I don't know what you're counter is doing, but I think I have more threads to a page than yours. Point taken, tho.)

Let's see. . .

Plan still in effect. Also got the Homer e-bk (Thanks TJ!!) & am working my way thru that as well. Interesting stuff.

Yest. H called twice: Once to ask if he could (already) change w/the July-schedule we just set b/c of his mom's changed dates to visit. I had to tell him I had plans to be away during the time he wanted to change (Go figure, THAT's the wk he needs to change, huh?) . . . but it was business-like & we compromised. The other time he called he said he'd been invited by [hospital work-people] to a dinner/reception thing & since he was supposed to p/u the kids in the afternoon, would I mind if he didn't come til late eve. I (again) had to tell him I had plans to go out at 6;30. He asked "So, what's the latest I would have to pick them up?" Me: Umm, 6:00. So he asked if I had someone who could come watch the kids for 2 hrs or so until he got here, and I said I could. He thanked me; I said he was welcome, and that was that.

We also talked about the 'who's gonna watch the kids Thurs night' issue. (It was 'my' night; I had plans to go out at 7pm, but he was working 4:30-9:30...) I said I'd figure something out (Kids ended up playing at S's friends & spending the night. So, everyone's happy.)

GRRRRRR!!!

Okay. So I just got interrupted in my posting to make some phone calls about the Pilates (w/friends) for this morn . . . then the kids come in from their o'night. . . and the mom brings me outside & says "Do you know you're tire is flat?" Ugh. Totally pancake flat. So mom offers her H's help but he's at the gym and she doesn't een know if he knows how to jack up a car. (I've tried it before & just don't have the strength for the most part. You should'a seen me jumping on the dang whatchcallit thing that takes the lug nuts off...) Neighbor guy would help me (tho he's not 'mechanical' either) put on the spare so I can tote it all to the tire place - BUT H is on his way over (He'd said this in our yest. phone convo.) to mow the lawn! So I called him (got his VM) & said "I'd like to ask a favor" (explained the flat tire) "If you could help me jack the car up & get the spare on, I'll take it to the tire place to be fixed. If this is not good for you, I understand & I'll take care of it myself." He called back imm. & (pretty friendly voice, tho tired?) said he would be here in 5min w/his tire-plug kit & he'd take care of it b/f he mowed the lawn.

So, my best laid plans (to be out of the house & busy-ness) got jacked w/again. But it's all Good. More to post later (Went out w/Girls last night; plans for today; plans for tonight...)

Checkin' in later.

(HA! You wanted to hear from me? You don't know WHAT you're asking.)