My wife called me to let the kids tell me happy father day, they were on their way back from Dallas, I was positive and upbeat when I talked to her and told them to becareful coming home. So far she has initiated all of the contact between us and it hasn't all been about the kids, and she's still wearing her wedding ring, hopefully that's a good thing.
Me:38 W: 35 Married 11 years 2 daughters ages 7 and 3 D filed by her [url]http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1143353&page=2#Post1143353[/url]
Thanks for the response ItsKat, I reread steps 1-5 of DR last night and realized that I had already put them to use, if I am succesful in keeping my marriage intact then I need to remember to come to this site for advice on how to keep it together.
Me:38 W: 35 Married 11 years 2 daughters ages 7 and 3 D filed by her [url]http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1143353&page=2#Post1143353[/url]
......if I am succesful in keeping my marriage intact then I need to remember to come to this site for advice on how to keep it together.
So true, Dustin..the hard thing I found out on the BB, was that even if you are successful in bringing back the WAS, you have to keep DBing happily ever after. Some say that it is harder to maintain the DBing after you both commit.
Somewhere along the way I lost this bit of gold, hopefully my W will have a change of heart on I can put it to use.
Me:38 W: 35 Married 11 years 2 daughters ages 7 and 3 D filed by her [url]http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1143353&page=2#Post1143353[/url]
You are making progress and learning! Take a moment to acknowledge your efforts and accomplishments. You should be proud! Now, back to work.
From several posts back:
Originally Posted By: Dustin R
I know that I shouldn't have asked her "what's with you?", but I just couldn't help myself and it won't happen again.
It very well may happen again. It's called a backslide. We all have them. When they happen, learn from them and let them go. This is all about pushing buttons (eg, you engaging in different behaviors vis-a-vis your W), and then monitoring results to see which bring you closer to your W. There's nothing wrong with making mistakes. Don't be afraid of mistakes. They are educational. Just don't keep making the same mistakes over and over (those are the cheeseless tunnels!) As Michele says, the only wrong buttons are the ones you keep pushing over and over that don't work!
Martial arts sounds cool. Maybe I'll look into that. Think about meeting us in Austin too!
Originally Posted By: Dustin R
I was positive and upbeat when I talked to her and told them to becareful coming home.
Well done.
Originally Posted By: Dustin R
So far she has initiated all of the contact between us and it hasn't all been about the kids, and she's still wearing her wedding ring, hopefully that's a good thing.
Those are good things. Another important lesson to have soak in - this isn't likely to happen overnight (it can, but isn't likely), so don't get your hopes up for a quick resolution. Patience is key! General rule of thumb: it will take the same number of months to fix as you've been married. Let that sink in for a moment (11 months). But you can do it, right?
Keep it up, keep posting! Nomopo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Me:38 W: 35 Married 11 years 2 daughters ages 7 and 3 D filed by her [url]http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1143353&page=2#Post1143353[/url]
As I mentioned before, my wife wants to go to therapy, how can I go about suggesting that she see a solution based therapist, or at least a pro marriage, or should I just hope for the best and pray the one she chooses is pro M and S based?
Me:38 W: 35 Married 11 years 2 daughters ages 7 and 3 D filed by her [url]http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1143353&page=2#Post1143353[/url]
I am so sorry to hear your sitch. It sounds good that your wife is still talking to you and contacting you daily. As Nikki menitioned, you need to be as upbeat as possible whenever talking w/ W. She needs to see the man she fell in love with is still there even though you must be going thru hell.
I too have a WAW that is in love w/ OM. We still live in the same house just different rooms. She has been very mean and had no communication w/ me until recently. Only to discuss divorce and kids. I try to be upbeat and happy when around her. At first it was very hard but now it is a way of life. Using GAL did give me back my dignity.
As for your trip, excellent advice from nikki. Definitely let the families know that you are having difficulties and go from there. Keep a PMA and focus on yourself and your kids. As I have learned too well, you can't change your wife's mind. You can only let her see what she'll be missing. Enjoy your children because they are relying on you(the only sane one) for stability and responsibility. Best of luck.
ME: 39 ring on wife:38 ring off WAW/MLC son:17,11 dtr:9 mar:17yr Bomb4-27-07. EA/PA 2/07 with 22yr old. DBing 5-19-07 My story on the link below. http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1069470&page=0#Post1069470
Does she want joint therapy or one-on-one? If it is joint, I think it would be reasonable for you to make the suggestion when the conversation arises, but if it is one-on-one I'm not sure what (if any) approach expressing your desire would be beneficial.
