I hear you about the teaching. I don't work the summers, either, especially since the cost of childcare would leave me with about $2 an hour, anyway.
Wow, the recent contacts do sound like something. Do you sometimes feel like we need a translator in the room while talking to the WAH? I know that there is so much going on in my head...I often wish I could find just the right way to say it so he would actually hear and understand me.
Maybe he asked you for the day / night of because he was afraid of overthinking it, or that he himself would back out of it? Aack--to only know what the he!! is in their heads! You're right--it seemed so much easier to talk / be together before the bomb. I am sick and tired of eggshells, myself. I'm pretty much ignoring them, now.
The joy of detachment.... you start to get to a point where you don't worry so much about what they are thinking, and you really just worry about what you are thinking and how to get what you need out of the situation.
I don't really feel like I'm walking on eggshells anymore and I didn't wonder why he asked when he asked ... honestly... I am just trying to worry about me at this time because that's all I have control over and when I do see him and talk to him, I try my best to remind myself to treat him with kindness because that is the person I want to be and to speak with truth (what I mean by that is sometimes it is easy to get caught up in their game and I have to remind myself to be true in all my responses rather than trying to hurt him if he hurts me, etc.)
Just wanted to say... it does get easier. You are on the way there.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
Well, maybe he will find the strength that you have found. I can sense that either way, you are going to come out with the best you possible. I have continually admired the way you take care of yourself and keep your head through all this. You remind me of where the focus should be...
Funny, how my H's main complaint was that I didn't hold him as my first priority, that I was selfish and oblivious to his feelings--and how it is hard for me to think of anything else, now! Was I ever that person?
Can you get by without a room mate? I ask because for me, when I am hesitant about things, it is usually my gut telling me no. Not sure if it is the same for you but I sense that you really don't want one, so I ask.
YAY for school being out and you can look forward to a wonderful summer. It's going to great!
Sounds like a great summer shaping up for you. That's great!! It's inspiring to read about your plans.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Can you get by without a room mate? I ask because for me, when I am hesitant about things, it is usually my gut telling me no. Not sure if it is the same for you but I sense that you really don't want one, so I ask.
YAY for school being out and you can look forward to a wonderful summer. It's going to great!
Hey Trip, If we get divorced, then I definitely need a roomate. I can't afford the house on my salary. However, H is paying the mortgage right now while I am paying all the other house bills. So right now, I can get by without a roomate. I was just trying to think proactively to get myself in a financial situation where I can be independent if the marriage ends, so I don't feel dependent on H, and so he doesn't feel obligated to me because of the house payment. I go back and forth on the roomate thing. I really don't want a roomate and would prefer not to have one. So, maybe for now, until I need to get one, I should just hold off. I've been leaning that direction at least for the time being. We'll see... still thinking on it.
Had a great weekend. Did some shopping for new summer clothes. Can't really afford them right now but since I've shrunk 2-3 sizes it was necesary at some level. Went to yoga twice, went to two parties which were fun and I met a lot of new people, made a new acquantance that is going to be coming to card club and join a v-ball league with me, went to breakfast with friends, church, and saw Oceans 13 (it was just okay). I also met my newest nephew. He is 10 weeks old (H's sister's kid) and lives in Georgia. They are here for a week and they took me out to lunch so I could meet him. It was nice to see him and my niece and nephew as well as SIL and BIL. We avoided all H talk which was good too and just hung out. It was nice to see that I might be able to have a relationship with my nieces and nephews in the future regardless of what happens with the marriage.
Smiles!
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
I would hold off on the room mate then. I always think there is some reason we hold back. Besides the fact that you don't really want one, it seems like you feel you shouldn't. Anyhow, none of my business but it was something I picked up on.
New clothes are always a good thing. I know what you mean about dropping sizes. Except, mine are creeping back up again due to sheer laziness.
You sound like you are doing great. I can only aspire to be as happy in myself as you are. You really seem to have accepted what has happened to you and moved on.
It sounds like you have an absolutely fantastic summer planned. Make sure you have plenty of fun.
May I ask you a question? You seem to have moved on so much, when will you know it is time to sever links with the H totaly? How long will you wait for him to start treating you as you wish to be treated?
I have a similar situation in that my W is treating me very badly. She is still seeing OM, we are living in same house at the moment, but shortly about to separate. There are two kids involved 2 and 5 so it is a little different I guess, however I feel the way she treats me is like she just doesn't really care what she is doing to me. She says she wants to be friends, but I wouldn't be friends with anyone that treats me this badly.
I just wanted to ask your opinion as you seem to be doing so well!
