I hear ya Lou, especially with the high D rate as it is, and continued feminist beliefs that women don't really need a man (at least not full-time, lol) to be happy, it's not surprising you see many women just throwing in the towel. I can see the appeal. A part of me thinks wouldn't it be great to live by myself, do what I want, anytime I want, date anyone I want, and move on when it gets too serious or boring. I'D be in control, which I think a lot of women feel like they aren't. Is it fantasy? Maybe for some. But I know a few women who live like that now and I kind of look a them in awe. One woman is about 41 years old, no kids, 3 years D. She says she LOVES living alone and making her own decisions. She is currently dating a 23 year old Boy Toy (who I met) and he is walking sex. She says it's great. She figures he'll get bored with her soon and vice versa and she'll just find someone else. She likes them young because they don't have any expectations and she remains in Control. I find it quite fascinating. But again, she doesn't have kids, so I think that is key factor. Frankly, I don't see why people even get M if they don't want kids. But that's for another discussion. LFL
Those are excellent resources and verses -- THANK YOU!!! I pray that it will get to that (the "what do we each need to do to recover" stage), but in the meantime, the Church's teachings on "what constitutes an 'affair'" will help me as well, especially with my in-laws.
I'm not certain, because there have been SO many lies, but I BELIEVE that my W and OM are somewhere Stage 12-13. However, she has at LEAST clearly THOUGHT about 14, possibly even PLANNED for it, and it may have ONLY been the fact that OM lives at home with his parents that has prevented it so far, who knows.
It really doesn't even matter at this point. For a woman to open her heart anywhere beyond Stage 5 or so, is well into an EA and on its way to a full-blown PA.
And I DO need to be more "thick-skinned," definitely!!!
There are definitely multiple issues here, mostly entertwined. The whole obsession with youth/beauty/ and need for validation, for example. If it was not this guy, it would have been another guy, and I know she had her eye on one before this guy.
As I've stated before, she needs to find where she can live, and enjoy her newfound career and independence and just plain being _____ (her first name), and not just "Mrs. Chocolateeyes" and "Mother of Chocolateeyes' Kids," and she needs to find out if she can find that within our marriage, instead of looking inappropriately for it OUTSIDE of our marriage.
And then there are all of our marital issues, which is really mostly just ONE issue that we've never been able to get past: how to be intimate with each other, and to handle it as an Issue when it rears its head and makes one or both of us unhappy.
But first we have to stop the ooey-gooey chemicals from rushing around her head, because they are making her compound the problem with more bad choices on her part. As Nick Nolte said in North Dallas Forty , "It's time to put away childish things," and to begin working at the marriage and the underlying issues.
she needs to find where she can live, and enjoy her newfound career and independence and just plain being _____ (her first name), and not just "Mrs. Chocolateeyes" and "Mother of Chocolateeyes' Kids," and she needs to find out if she can find that within our marriage, instead of looking inappropriately for it OUTSIDE of our marriage.
Yes, I totally agree. H and I have had this conversation many times. It is critical. But maybe your W hasn't gotten to the point of really reflecting on that yet as an option. She's still in escape/affair mode. Give it time. LFL
Yes, ain't it? It was all I could do to bite my lip when my wife, screaming at me after OM's parents got their exposure letter from me, said "How DARE you send that to his PARENTS!! He is NOT a child!!!"
(pregnant pause . . . Choc. thinks, then thinks again . . . nah -- better let it go!!)
Choc quoted: ""How DARE you send that to his PARENTS!! He is NOT a child!!!""
Ah, another Cabbage Patch birth.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Oh my word. I was taking a drink of my juice and read, living at home with his parents. I to LMAO!! Boy oh boy is she in for a rude awakening. She is just not in her right mind right now.
Wow Choc you sent a letter to his parents? How about her parents how are they taking it? I can imagine she is infuriated right now. I am just thinking, but do you think maybe this will just push her away more? She went from unsure about things to anger. This may cause hatred toward you. Like I am so embarrassed it is all out in the open I could never face his family or anyone again. I mean her family will always love her along with her children. It would be easier now to put you out of the picture. I'm not trying to discourage you. Just thinking out loud to what I may feel if my husband told everyone.
