Choc, stop saying you shoulda/coulda done something else. Everything you have done has been exactly what you needed to do at exactly the right time. This whole thing does NOT hinge on the timing of one email or one comment. Give yourself a break.
Choc, you CAN miss your dad's birthday. It IS an option. What if you were the dad and one of your married children needed to miss your birthday because he was needed at home? Surely your dad will understand? Can you go at another time, maybe a week or month later when ALL of you can go? I'm not saying you should skip the birthday, just saying you should consider it, make it a real option. Don't automatically slam the door on that option, for it IS a real option if you feel you are needed at home. OTOH, maybe going is the best thing for YOU. You have to do what is best for YOU. You can't be everywhere at once and be everything to everybody. Just think it through.
This is what to focus on: "For a time, at least a short time, you show her what she is potentially giving up (the good Choc), and her intact family."
Lil Choc, you CAN miss your dad's birthday. It IS an option. What if you were the dad and one of your married children needed to miss your birthday because he was needed at home? Surely your dad will understand? I am a dad to kids 35 & 37. If one of them were you Choc, I would want my son/daughter to stay home and take care of what is more important, the cohesiveness of a family with 4 kids. My 4 grandkids.
You see, it isn’t me that would be important; it is you and my (imaginary) grandkids that would be my priorities. I hope your dad isn’t that self centered he has to see you on one exact day.
Geez a couple of weeks, a month later, wouldn't lesson the value of my 80th birthday.
My wife keeps talking about "needing to make more money." Her part-time job as a certified personal trainer has netted her anywhere from $175 - $300/week, and until recently, while not crazy about the pay, she's been content with it.
She's been very distant since our lunch last week. The daily phone call, that we would always try to make, one of us to the other, isn't happening unless I initiate it, and even then, she seems to try and cut it short.
I think she is preparing herself. Remember, my original "bomb" e-mail said "I won't live in an affection-less marriage much longer." She does not feel like she has any affection for me anymore. So, she is preparing herself, mentally and financially, for me to no longer be with her.
As much as I tell her now that I'm willing to fight for this, I think she is pulling away, even faster and even more, than she's been emotionally pulling away for the past 5, 10, 15 years. Because she knows I've had it now.
I'm in "fight" mode; she seems to be in "flight" mode.
Its gonna get worse before it can get better. She has to find her way out of the "fog", a difficult process.
I personally think you have a good chance of success. I think OM is pushing her hard. I think the fact that she is silent means she is in a really hard debate with herself. If her mind was made up, you'd probably be hearing more of the "space" talk. I think it is certain though that she is stewing big-time.
JMHO of course
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I do think that this OM is WAY more into her that she is into him. And I'm banking on him getting desperate during this time, and pushing her, and making some wrong moves.
I do think that this OM is WAY more into her that she is into him. And I'm banking on him getting desperate during this time, and pushing her, and making some wrong moves.
And that is good ... long term. For now though, some things may happen that are going to be really hard for you to swallow.
Quote:
Trust me, pressure does NOT work with my wife.
It doesn't work with most people, at least not if you want someone to want to do something.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm about to enter the "Everything is Choc's Fault" phase.
I'm bracing for it.
I Will Not Go Quietly Don Henley
Woke up with a heavy head And I thought about leavin town I could have died if I wanted to- Slipped over the edge and drowned But, oh no baby, I wont give up so easy Too many tire tracks in the sands of time Too many love affairs that stop on a dime I think its time to make some changes round here Yeah, Im gonna tear it up Gonna trash it up Im gonna round it up Gonna shake it up Oh, no, baby, I will not lie down Im brave enough to be crazy Im strong enough to be weak I see all these heroes with feet of clay Whose mighty ships have sprung a leak And I want you to tell me darlin Just what do you believe in now? Well, cmon over here baby You bout to gimme a heart attack I wanna wrap my lovin arms Around the small of your back Yeah, and Im gonna pull you, pull you, pull you Pull you right up close to me Yeah were gonna tear it up We gonna trash it up Gonna round it up Gonna shake it up Oh, no no no, I will not lie down Turn this thing around I will not go quietly I will not lie down I will not go quietly I will not lie down I will not go quietly I will not lie down I will not lie down Well, dont you ever get lonely? Dont you ever get down? Dont you ever get tired Of all the wicked tongues in this town? Of, baby, I just wanna take you away from here I aint no tiger I aint no little lamb Suppose you tell me mama Who do you think I think I am? And ooh baby, dont you give a damn? Yeah, Im gonna tear it up Gonna trash it up Gonna round it up Gonna rip it up I will not lie down Yeah Im gonna tear it up Gonna trash it up Gonna round it up Gonna shake it up Oh baby I will not lie down Turn this thing around I will not go quietly I will not lie down I will no go quietly I will not lie down I will not lie down
