How long does Replay last?

[Grace_O]

sh,

I saw on bflymom's thread you have to book "how to improve your marriage without talking about it", but didn't see how it would help. I just wanted to encourage you to go ahead and read it even if you can't apply (at least I haven't figured out how ...YET) some of it. What they have to say about "shame" and "fear" I found valuable and will be able to use regardless of how this all turns out. Just in my everyday interactions with men.

Perhaps a way to help contact when it is made?

[MidwesternGirl]

I think sometime it is guilt appeasement the contact. I think seeing it as a change depends on the situation. Mine would and has txt for no reason the whole time. I avoid answering personal questions about me. my health, or what I do.....those are off limits.

Why? I would not hesitate to tell my H about my health which I already have. I guess I figure he is still my H, we are not going thru a divorce and he has a right to know about my health. I do not ask him about OW that kind of stuff so that is off limits in my book.

We get along and we seem to be able to handle the everyday conversations but I will not engage in R matters at this time. As long as he is under the spell of OW, no way. She hates me so much and I think she is trying to do anything in her power to push me over the edge. It is not working is it? How do I know she hates me? H said so and he has told the kids. Sure she hates me because I have not filed for divorce. And I am not going to either. And he would have done it long ago if he really wanted one.

[Lissett]

good for you steelers

[a new 2moro]

I guess I figure he left me for another..he now has another to look after and be concerned about.....he cries whenever I say that...I"ll always love you....I always be concerned about you....... I just dont figure he needs to know, hes the one who filed for divorce and took off his wedding ring. No OW talk no R talk.... no D talk He never brings it up either its like parallel universes to him. The other nite after he came to see Smudgie, I initiated a hug. he certainly hugged back. Maybe I was trying to show him the door was open a bit.

[still hoping]

H has not contacted me at all during these past 9 months, except to say he's coming to pick up boys or to see when I'm dropping them off. I think he TMed me once in Jan to ask me to bring something to the house for him. Even for Christmas, all we got was an email from him. Otherwise, I am always the one to initiate. That's why these 3 are so significant to me - even if they are not very personal. He could've waited till I saw him this weekend to tell me the things he messaged me, which is what he usually does. Actually admitted to friend today that he's in deep sh*t - but i think he was only speaking financially. Not going to get my hopes up (or get my hopes back, I should say) because for all I know, he's still head over heels in love with OW.

[Lissett]

you have a lot of postives in your stitch, do you know that?

Puffy to Liss--I don't love you at all.

Puffy to Liss-- If you don't move, I will put you thru the wall

Puffy to Liss-- don't touch me .



SEEEE, your H is like a saint.

[still hoping]

Grace: Thanks, I'll start reading it. Still have Chapman's 5LL to finish too - another one I felt I couldn't apply to my sitch, but again, might be helpful later on. (Hopefully?)

2moro, SF, Lissett: Gotta admit - I'd be ecstatic if H asked me how I was doing (not very good detachment/letting his actions control my reactions) but that's how little he's shown he still cares about me. I've known him since high school, so him acting as if he doesn't care is so not him. Through all this, he hasn't told me he still loves me and/or still cares about me. NOTHING of the sort. Pretty much just walked and that was it.

I'm trying to find out what OW thinks of me but friend I'm talking to doesn't even look at her when he's around her so doesn't know (or care). I think I'd be satisfied with her hating me...

[MidwesternGirl]

To be honest, I do not care what other woman thinks of me because she is losing her grip.

I wanted to point out that H also calls S16 a lot and H is always asking S how everybody is and if there is anything "WE" need.

I think they say H needs to reconnect with the kids first? Well, that is already a given between H and S but with the girls, that is going to be harder because of what he did to them a year ago--talked to OW on phone in front of them a lot, told them that OW is his wife, not me, all kinds of whacked out things and of course he was always drinking then.

The girls would need so much reassurance from him if he ever decided to move back home because they view it as him dumping them twice to OW.

[inmyplace]

Lissett,

I would like to comment on something you said.

you have a lot of postives in your stitch, do you know that?

Ask anyone who was around in my day whose marriage would be saved and my name was at or near the top of the list. It didn't work that way. But it was worth it to see it through. But if I could have done anything differently, I would have spent much more time making myself happy and less time wondering where things stood. This doesn't mean that anyone should call it quits. Rather, I believe that all the wondering and all the reading and all the consternation was detrimental to any chance for success I had. We have no control over that other person. We do, however, have control over ourselves and our dreams, needs, and desires. Pursuing those things are more likely to make us more attractive to another.

still,

This is a tough time. Accept the positive. Don't dwell on them. Be aware of where your H is, but don't try to get when he will be out of it. It becomes wasted time and energy. I do recognize that you can't help but to be distracted by all of this nonsense But if you put in mind what you want for yourself regardless of who is or is not in your life, you will speed up the happiness process.

Good luck.

IMP

[still hoping]

Lissett:

Wow, that's the first time anyone has said my sitch has positives! Wait, I think stillme said my sitch was "not all that bad" after my first post. Wish I could see it that way! Guess it's all relative. I did get a huge "F YOU" screamed at me by him (first time he ever swore at me) the week we split. It still rings in my ears. But since then, his eyes are dead when he looks at me, if he even looks my way (except for the other day when we briefly caught eye contact).
I really do believe my H is still in there somewhere. Just want him to come out!