After a brief talk with my C today, I decided to send exW a Friendship card, thanking her for a wonderful time Sat nite. I felt like she should pursue me a little and he had a differnt spin. C said she tried getting your attention for 17 years, she was pursuing you, you pushed her away. We are not trying to make her work for it. Goes against DB'ing principle but so far everything I have done has been met with a positive outcome. She will get the card tommorrow and I am sure she will call or txt me. I then will see if she wants to hang out watching a movie Thursday nite.
After a brief talk with my C today, I decided to send exW a Friendship card, thanking her for a wonderful time Sat nite. I felt like she should pursue me a little and he had a differnt spin. C said she tried getting your attention for 17 years, she was pursuing you, you pushed her away. We are not trying to make her work for it. Goes against DB'ing principle but so far everything I have done has been met with a positive outcome.
Good work. That wasn't going against DBing. What you're doing is called a 180.
I'm here to support you in whatever it is that decide to do. I'm happy to share advice and it's up to you what you do with at. Irrespective, I want you to be happy and it sounds like you are happy making heaps of baby steps with your ex.
God Bless
Suit
"It's better to have no spouse than have a bad spouse"
I'm here to support you in whatever it is that decide to do. I'm happy to share advice and it's up to you what you do with at.
I appreciate the candid advice and the ordeal you went through.
Well an unexpected thing happened last night that seems to have brought the exW a lot closer to me.
We had a wicked Nor'Easter come through the east coast over the weekend. She calls me last night and she has 3" of water in her finished basement. Now she bought me out of our maritial home and that basement never had a drop of water in it. Her gutters have not been cleaned out in 2 years, so the result was the water had not where to go but come up the foundation. Home Owners Ins. does not cover this.
I went over right away and she was in tears. The damage was extensive. She was worried about how she was going to pay for the repairs. Look like about 2-3K just to clean up the mess. I told her not worry, I would help her financially, she could pay me back whenever. I was hanging out with her outside while she smoked what looked like a pack of cigs. She was very stressed, I gave a neck rub and then we hugged for about 10 mins. She was worried about paying for this and how will she be able to our D10 on vacation because this will tap her out. I said maybe we can take a family vacation, she said SURE thats an option! She could not thank me enough for helping her. I told her this needs to be tackled tommorrow before mold sets in. Well of course every company that does this work is swamped with business.
My buddy offered his help and 2 of his workers. We got some sump pumps, thank fully he has a big floor dryer. Lots of work will need to be done in the next couple days. But she should be able to have it cleaned up for around 600-800.
Now I needed to be at the exW this Am while she was working, she said no problem I will give you the code to the garage door. What? She changed the locks when I moved out and refused to allow me in the house. Amazing how they change.
As I was walking out the door last night, she said Hey!. What? Come over here. She the initiated a kiss and hug! First time she had done this.
This afternoon she worked a half day and I was at her table doing work and she came in, said hi and walked over and gave me a kiss! Wow! Another intiation of affection.
I was running around in the afternoon getting supplies when the mail arrived with the card I sent her. She sent me a text "Wow what a beautiful card. thank U! I replied " glad u liked it. It fit you perfectly She replies "Loved it thanks for thinking of me, as usual!
I am glad to see it was a big hit.
My buddy was kidding around with her while I was gone and he told me he said to her. Don't worry about paying us, you just give ddc sexual favors. Now he does not know we ML on Sat. He said she had a big smile on her face and no problem I would loved too!
Damn, if I knew a flood in the basement was going to bring close to me I would stuck a garden hose down there years ago
Damn, if I knew a flood in the basement was going to bring close to me I would stuck a garden hose down there years ago
hahahaha, I know you are only joking :-)
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I went over right away and she was in tears. The damage was extensive. She was worried about how she was going to pay for the repairs. Look like about 2-3K just to clean up the mess. I told her not worry, I would help her financially, she could pay me back whenever.
Hard Nosed Version :Dude, you can't be there to rescue them whenever they get into trouble. It's unhealthy, breeds dependency and gives them permission to put their happiness into your hands. The next time you don't pick up on their telepathic messages to do something for them and you don't read their mind, guess what? it breed silent resentment that they bank, accumulate interest on and one day out of the blue, it turns into a bomb. Let them take care of themselves. Isn't that what they wanted when they D'd you?
Soft Nosed Version : Dude, you shown tremendous loves and compassion. I'm sure it is apparent to her that the grass aint greener on the other side. And that a strong, attractive and loving man that stands by her through thick and thin, is just what she unquestionably wants in her life.
God Bless
Suit
"It's better to have no spouse than have a bad spouse"
Spoke briefly with her last night,she said the house really stunk from the wet carpet she was getting a migrain so she was going to bed. I hung up and then sent a quick text, saying "sleep well, luv u". She replied back "Luv u 2, c u 2moro thank u again". Back over the exW house today for some more clean up. Couldn't stay long as I had a Dr. appt, but my buddies were ripping out carpeting. She called me around 11:30am asking me if I wanted to go to lunch, not sure if she was going this because she felt obligated for all of my help or if see really wanted to. We had a nice time at lunch, she said my D was sleeping over her parents fri night as she had made plans to go out with her g/friend. I asked where, she said she didn't know. I asked if she was still going to see if D could go over friends house on Sat and she said sure she just didn't if we were going to mulch or not. So it looks like she still wants to spend time with me.
She made an interesting comment a couple of nights ago, saying how she really doesn't get a good night sleep, she tosses and turns. Now she was always a sound sleeper. That is how I have been since the D, I can not sleep. I guess it is from stress. I took comfort that she probably feels the same way. We assume the WAW/WAH has no remorse or side effects, they just hide it very well and most will never admit to it.
I send the exW some flowers at work today to brighten up her day after the week she was having and she loved them but said I didn have too. I said I know but I wanted too. I invited exW to dinner with D10 and she agreed. In the same text I asked her if she wanted to hang out later and she replied "thought we agreed on how things are and we are going to be good friends"
What does this mean?
I feel like asking her to clarify why she had sex with me and how does mean we are friends.
Any input on how I should handle this.
We had great time Sat nite, ML and she was affectionate all this week bec
Well we had dinner and I asked if we still we doing something Sat and she said my D friend has plans so I guess not. I guess she noticed my frustration because I didn't say goodbye to her when we left the restaurant. She sends me a text saying "lots of traffic" as we both go down the same road to get home. The about an hour later see sends another one sying " Flowers smell so much better than mold. Thanks again" Normally I would reply with something cute and long, I just said "ur welcome"
I'm done for the weekend, if she needs me she knows where I am at.
Man I hope the penny drops for you real soon. You're really not getting this are you?
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I send the exW some flowers at work today to brighten up her day after the week she was having and she loved them but said I didn have too.
thought we agreed on how things are and we are going to be good friends"
She sent me another text saying probably not a good idea because it leads to more.
She sends me a text saying "lots of traffic" as we both go down the same road to get home.
The about an hour later see sends another one sying " Flowers smell so much better than mold.
It's really quite simple. She is so confused that she doesn't know what she wants. On one hand, she wants you. On the other hand, she doesn't want you and remembers why she D'd you in the first place.
However, what really chilled me was -
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I guess she noticed my frustration because I didn't say goodbye to her when we left the restaurant.
WTF, that is childish and proves you aren't ready for a relationship with anyone. You're finding hurt in the most insignificant daily, routine things. Not only do you find hurt, you feel a burning need to show it. You'd better fix this before you sabotage this new R with your ex before it gets a chance to grow. Yeah, it's that serious. I don't know your age but whatever it is, evidently you have some growing up to do.
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I'm done for the weekend, if she needs me she knows where I am at.
That is the best thing for you to do no matter what has transpired and best for you to use this time to work on yourself and to improve the quality of your life by getting out and meeting new people (GAL).
Sorry for the brutal honesty.
On the other hand, despite the minor setbacks (in the scheme of things) you have all the power now. While your ex is playing coy, the reality is that you have her hooked but you don't seem to have a clue on how the reel her in. That's your challenge and your struggle combined. Here's a tip to get you started. Do some real, hardcore DBing.
God Bless
Suit
"It's better to have no spouse than have a bad spouse"
