I posted this in another area of the message board but, am getting no response there... hopefully someone can part with some wisdom here?
Never married, lived together two years, friends before relationship began for five years. I am 35, he is 30. He has two kids, I have one kid and we have one together. We currently live about 15 to 20 minutes apart.
I will try and keep this as short and sweet as possible... things were great up until August of last year. I quit working full-time and went to college full-time. This was an agreement that we both made and he stated that he supported.
With kids, school and a home to take care of, the relationship began to unravel and I couldn't seem to get the loose ends tied. He moved out in January stating that he was not happy in the relationship anymore and honestly thought he was beating me to the punch. We did not move back in together but, after much begging and pleading on my part, we started dating once again. He would spend nights at my apartment and the kids and I would spend the night with him.
I am now living with my mother and two kids. His mother has moved in with him to care for his older kids.
All seemed well until the week before Father's Day. Tuesday before Fathers Day, we went out... parking. Yes, like teenagers. Had a blast. He spent the night.
Friday before Fathers Day, we had yet another great date. We were laughing and having a great time. At one point in the evening, as was common in our relationship, I asked him if our relationship was okay... he said yes, he was happy. (this is a question that we both ask one another just to check-in and open the door if there needs to be a discussion)
He worked the remainder of the weekend and we did not actually see him on Father's Day.
Monday evening, he came over (did not bring his older children) and we gifted him, he played with the kids for awhile, helped me tuck them into bed and told me he wanted to talk.
We sat on the back porch and he stated the following: "I love you, I will always love you but, I am ending this relationship for the last time" He stated that he loves me but, is no longer "in love" with me. He is not sexually attracted to me like he was before. He stated that he is ending the relationship because it is the "right" thing to do. I didn't get a translation on what made this the "right" thing to do.
So far, we have had some contact with one another... to schedule to get personal items from one another. There are some large items that I have in storage at his house... he stated he will bring them to me when he moves (sometime before July 10th) and called me a materialistic b*tch. (He has NEVER called me a b*itch... ever!) I asked him what I had said or done to make him so angry but, the only response I got was that he was busy at work.
Otherwise, I haven't begged him to come back... just told him that I love him. I have tried to make arrangements for him to see the kids as he stated that he does want to remain a part of their lives.
I am miserable... and, ready to do what ever it takes to get this relationship on track. I love him so very much and this has been very confusing. Please post with ideas, comments, questions.
Thank you so much! Lambs
"Before you can inspire with emotion, you must be swamped with it yourself. Before you can move their tears, your own must flow. To convince them, you must yourself believe." - Winston Churchill
sorry you have to be here but it's a great place to be when you find yourself in a mess like this.
You will find lots of helpful folks wandering around the bb I may suggest you start a thread in the newcommers forum as there is where most of the traffic is (but do keep this thread alive too)
if you haven't read db or dr do so. try not to take personally what is going on.
oh and believe none of what you hear and half of what you see, actions speak louder than words.
Well, as I found out today, he is seeing someone else (why am I surprised?) I had a lovely conversation with him yesterday about him picking my children up this weekend for some Daddy time. (He is the only Daddy they have ever known)
I sent him a text message today and got a reply from someone named Annie who claims to be his Girlfriend?!? I was nice enough about it... said nice to meet you. (Guess I lost my mind?) Anyway... later in the day, I text'd him again and said that I didn't think that it would be a good idea for the kids to be in that environment... ever.
Went to the library today to get THE book... they were closed. Will be there again at 10:00am tomorrow morning.
OUCH... this one hurts.... But, I will do what it takes.
Lambs
"Before you can inspire with emotion, you must be swamped with it yourself. Before you can move their tears, your own must flow. To convince them, you must yourself believe." - Winston Churchill
Okay... a new day. Went to the library and picked up DB and DR. Half way through DB so far today. I see our relationship all through the book. Now, must figure out where to start to put this back together. Family thinks I am nutz to even try with him given his relationship history and they think he is a liar/cheat/etc. And well, maybe I should have kept my mouth shut to family that has never liked anyone I have ever dated... ever!
Sent him a text this morning letting him know that I apologize for being inconsiderate to his love for the boys and boys love for him. That if he would like, we could arrange for him to see them today and continue with plans as scheduled this weekend.
Have not heard back from him at all.
So, am going to throw myself back into reading and trying to figure out what is going to work best. Love sure does hurt at times.
Lambs
"Before you can inspire with emotion, you must be swamped with it yourself. Before you can move their tears, your own must flow. To convince them, you must yourself believe." - Winston Churchill
Should also mention that he is currently in job hunting mode in a town that is an hour away from me and all of the kids. This will make it difficult for him to have visitation... should he find a job there. Will be interesting to see if he moves in with OW. (It's nearly the same as how he and I ended up living together to begin with)
Am sure that this is where OW is living since he has been spending time there with college-aged buddy of his. Hmmm... wonder how he met OW?
Am crazy for loving this man the way that I do... that I will be willing to work this hard for a commitment that he was walked away from.
"Before you can inspire with emotion, you must be swamped with it yourself. Before you can move their tears, your own must flow. To convince them, you must yourself believe." - Winston Churchill
Welcome to the board, sorry that life has brought you here. This is however, a great place to come for help.
This is just my 50 cent opinion, but I have read both DR and DB and I vastly prefer DR. I think that DR and DB contain many of the same principles, but DR is a more updated, easier to read and understand version.
I have been reading all day... my mind is mushy now. I should finally get a good nights sleep.
I have to agree that I am getting more out of DR than I did out of DB. I will be highly suggesting this one to everyone I know with relationship/marital problems.
I wrote a letter to H today to sincerely apologize for burst of anger and harsh words regarding him seeing the children and if he would like, we can go with plans as they stand.
I have stumped my toe on sending him text messages. Either he has blocked me or refuses to respond.
I now understand what you mean by believing...
Lambs (who is smiling a little more often now)
"Before you can inspire with emotion, you must be swamped with it yourself. Before you can move their tears, your own must flow. To convince them, you must yourself believe." - Winston Churchill
Dropped off letter to him today... put it in his mailbox. Hopefully, will hear from him soon. Not going to do any further trying to contact him until I hear from him.
Still doing much reading/journal writing... can see where a lot of problems with communication were in the relationship.
Still keeping my hopes up that all will be better between us soon.
Lambs
"Before you can inspire with emotion, you must be swamped with it yourself. Before you can move their tears, your own must flow. To convince them, you must yourself believe." - Winston Churchill
now on day 12 since ILYBNILWY speech. Have become incredible shrinking woman as have lost 8 pounds. At this rate, will be back to fighting weight in no time.
At this point, am going dark with him ... He will have to contact me in the next week in order to bring items of mine from his house.... since he is moving, will have to be done. I will let him contact about it and otherwise, will have no contact with him. Gives me time to work on ME and my relationship with kids.
As for the kids, he has had no contact with them since Tuesday of this week. Am sorry he is so wrapped up in himself that he does not care/want to see the kids. They do love him dearly.
As for myself... am setting goals for myself. Always wanted to take up running local 5 and 10K races. Started running the day after he gave me speech to burn off rage... so, in 12 days have gone from couch potato to running 3.2 miles two to three times a week. Next 5K (Keep Austin Weird) in on August 28th... That will be my first ever. And, a good reason to come out of "dark"...
"Before you can inspire with emotion, you must be swamped with it yourself. Before you can move their tears, your own must flow. To convince them, you must yourself believe." - Winston Churchill
