Well we took a nose dive last night! After all the glowing things I said about h yesterday...he decides not to come home till 2am last night!
Ok on Monday I had asked h if we had no plans that I would like to go to the mall with my friends. Well he starts to throw a fit about cooking for the kids so I give in after thinking to myself well he did work overtime today for 8 hours AND get groceries...so I came home to cook dinner. It was nice he helped me fix food, had the house clean when I got home, and nice music playing! We sat down to dinner just the 2 of us and talked!!! Then went to the sofa to snuggle and talk some more so it was awesome!
Then Tuesday rolls around...he said he was going into a quarterly meeting then taking his carless friend around shopping for cars. He called at 9:30am while I was in a meeting to say his phone was out of juice so he was shutting down...no further mention of his plans. I made plans to go to the movies with the kids and to dinner, left a message on his cell and at home to that effect.
Well I get home at 10:30pm, no h, no message NOTHING! So I call his cell, it's off and his friends no answer.
Since my h is notorious for driving while drunk I begin to worry...did he get arrested, is he in the hospital??? I sit down to wait, finally going half crazy, tired, I decide to go out. As I exit my cell rings (1am) it's h.
Needless to say the convo was not good. I was in tears from stress for part of it. I said you know I could have been sleeping if you'd just have called!!! I have no issues with you going out with friends...sometimes I need that too. When I mentioned not being able to go to the mall, he said that he'd done that cause he didn't want me to go out!!! I said oh double standard. So I asked what is the solution, what does he think I should do? He say warily what do you mean? I said this is the second time you've done this...he said I know, I ****ed up again, I don't know why I do this???!!! I said is it because you are afraid I'll have a fit about you going out? He said yeah. I said you have yet in our relationship to try another approach to this, you don't call you just don't come home...you're method is not working for me or you! So now what? Do you want me to assume we can both do whatever the hell we want? Come and go as we please? He said no though it'd be ok for me to go out with friends (yeah, really I'm thinking!!!). I said well I'm fresh out of solutions because the last time we talked you said you'd do things differently but here we are again.
He said well I'm going to stay here. I said now that is not going to sit well with me. He said I'm tired and I don't want to argue. I said well only thing I can say to that if you're ass was tired it should have come home sooner. And I'm done talking about this so I'll see you in half an hour. He should up 30 minutes later...I told I was glad he made it.
I'm getting fed up with this. I try to overlook it in favor of the good things he's doing but when he gets an attitude about ME going somewhere with friends and I give in and don't go then he does this...I'm just at a loss. I'm sure this is just selfishness and not an attempt to have an a. I have to give myself a pat on the back for doing a 180 with this type of situation...my norm would have been to kick his a**!!!
I have half a mind not to even come home one evening, turn my cell off and give him a taste of what it's like but then I have my boys at home! He'd most likely go out and leave them there!!!
ARrrggh! Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Hello Wiley!!! Help!! I can only handle me so what should be my plan? Nothing in retaliation though!
H and I were peachy keen until an old girlfriend called that evening about 10pm. Kicker was h refused to tell her I was there or to mention to her we were back together. He simply said he'd send her an email to not call at the house cause his w would be pissed.
I'm still slightly upset but since h said nothing was going on between them absolutely nothing what choice do I have but to accept it? I will since God has always revealed his dirty little secrets to me. I won't be fearful...God has proven himself.
WELL IT ALL COME OUT THIS WEEKEND! WHEN MY H DIDN'T COME HOME LAST TUESDAY HE WAS AT A STRIP CLUB. IT GETS WORSE. HE WAS THERE FROM 11AM UNTIL 10:30PM THEN WENT HOME WITH A GAL THAT WORKS THERE! HE KEPT HER NUMBER ON HIS CELLPHONE SO i CALLED HER. SHE SAID HE TOLD HER HE WAS NOT MARRIED, WENT HOME WITH HER AND THEY MADE OUT. DIDN'T HAVE INTERCOURSE BUT MADE OUT.
I'M SO SICK!!! H SAID HE WAS SORRY. SAID HE WILL NOT GO TO THOSE PLACES ANYMORE AND THAT HE FEELS HORRIBLE ABOUT IT. HE WISHES HE COULD BLAME IT ON DRINK BUT THAT WOULD ONLY BE AN EXCUSE.
I TOLD HIM THAT IF I FIND OUT HE'S GONE AND DONE THIS AGAIN THAT I WILL BE OUT OF THE MARRIAGE SO FAST HIS HEAD WILL SPIN. I WILL NOT LIVE WITH SOMEONE THAT SNEAKS AROUND, TELLS ME I'M CRAZY CAUSE HE'S ACTING WEIRDLY, IS BASICLY A LIAR AND A CHEAT.
HE'S BEEN ON THE SOFA FOR 2 DAYS NOW AND I CAN'T SEEM TO GET UP THE NEVRE TO INVITE HIM TO OUR BED. I SAID I WILL BE USING CONDOMS WITH HIM UNTIL I CAN FEEL SECURE IN OUR RELATIONSHIP. BUT NOT TO HURRY ME INTO SEX BECAUSE I CAN'T STAND THE THOUGHT OF HIM TOUCHING ME, MAKES ME FEEL SICK.
I FEEL SO SAD TODAY AND WONDER WHAT THE HELL AM I SAVING HERE? IS THIS ONLY A TEMPORARY LAPSE IN JUDGMENT OR IS THIS TRULY HIS CHARACTER? IT'S HARD TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT SOMEONE THAT LEFT ME WORRIED AT HOME WHILE HE WAS AT THE STRIP CLUB PUTTING HIS HANDS AND MOUTH ALL OVER SOME OTHER WOMAN!!!
I'm sorry to hear that, I can't blame you for being upset, you deserve better than what you are getting.
Don't know what to tell you anymore, other than you really need to take a long hard look at who it is you are committing your heart to. Your H has made some positive strides the last few months, he's done some good things as in his role as a husband in terms of the kids, and treating you nicely etc. But I've always felt there is that intagible romantic something called being "in love THE RIGHT WAY" with you that is missing with him. When "its there" these things usually don't have a chance in hell of happening.
Your current stance is well warranted, again, sorry you have to put up with this. Try and have a good day!
Sorry this post is so late, but I just got back from vacation.
My quick opinion: You're doing the right thing. He needs to prove himself to you before you should believe him. Unfortunately, I'm seeing some of my XW in him - things go well for a while, but on the first speed bump things go downhill quick.
There may be something to save, but it's not your job to save it. It's his job. He has a flaw or a weakness that he needs to address. He needs to uphold his side of the marriage.
