StacieB, Take courage that you're not alone in this. It is so frustrating getting mixed messages. I am in an almost identical situation with my husband. OW was someone we both knew. Something that has helped a great deal besides the messageboard in the telephone coaches. There are days I have felt like pulling the covers over my head and not facing the world. The DB Coaches seem to have insight and perspective where I didn't. They have been extremely helpful.
As far as the blaming and mixed message syndrome...Vernetta (DB Coach) had interesting insight to this. Pysch 101 - what they are stating is reflective of themselves and their own unhappiness. I often wondered why H would cherish me one minute and put me down the next. It goes along with the old saying "misery loves company". If he can make me or others feel bad, he feels a little better about his own situation...ironic huh.
My hopes and prayers are with you during this rollercoaster ride. I commend you for your strength.
Up & down the last 2 days. Really missing her. But then this evening she came over while I went to VB and I when I saw her, I was fine, neutral even. We don't talk or anything, but I felt different tonight.
And I know she still wants a D, but I perceive all these mixed signals, which is probably just me reading WAY TOO much into her unconscious behavior.
Well, the old me would have avoided the issue and hemmed and hawed and stumbled my way through, but I guess I will be honest (as I can be). I feel, at least on my part, there is an internet emotional attachment developing here. I do not know if this is a good thing; because this would be my first. I know I come here looking for you (daily) and then I don't post because I really wonder if I am putting my emotions too far out there. And I know I am still in an emotional blender, but it is nice to talk to someone who understands this turmoil. And we will not even discuss the massive physical distance involved.
Whew. There you go. My thoughts. I may be WAY OFF base and is so I apologize, but I'm telling you my perspective.
B
ps This is a little frightening. WAW is working on her Masters in Counseling.
Hi DBB, It's nice to hear from you and now to know that your there (even if you don't post). It seems we seem to be at the same stages at the same time, although I miss H sometimes it is less and less frequent (which I like) I'm still waiting for D papers, and wait is getting old.
I don't think your way off base, I agree there is an emotional attachment going on. I go on the bb to check and see if you've posted and I certainly miss not hearing from you. As you said I'm not sure if this is a good thing or bad thing because of the emotional roller coasters we've been on and to a certain extent still are. I do know I like talking to you and miss our conversations when your not there. I think because of what we've been going through it has a tendency to bring some together which may not be all that bad because of the common bond. I've never had an internet emotional bond either so this is all new to me but I'am glad you brought it up because I would have avoided the discussion and waited for your posts. I hope to hear from you soon, take care, stacie
My stomach jumped when I saw your post; I confess to being apprehensive before I read it.
I think it is a common bond in sharing in this difficult, crappy time in our lives. Going through something we could never imagine and wonder if we can endure.
I do miss her still (isn't this the part where I'm supposed to quit talking about her) but some days and moments it is less. Though I wonder how long I will mourn our R?
Do you hear from H? Does it bother you or not? Hope life is moving (slowly) on.
Hi DBB, You don't need to stop talking about W, it's natural. When your with a person for a long time not talking about them is difficult. Sometimes I think it helps because it makes something that feels so unreal become real which is a point were we're supposed to get to.
As for H I'll see him this morning when he drops D off for school. Seeing him doesn't bother me as much as it used to. He is still into mixed messages, was supposed to file tomorrow but I have a feeling he isn't. I'm not hoping he doesn't anymore (which I like) because I think it truly means I'm getting to the stage of complete detachment. Still miss the R but I think it's the R more than H. Life is moving slow but I'm happy, happy with me and my life.
I'll write to you at your e-mail tonight, here is mine suneeda65@yahoo.com. I just realized how funny that e-mail address is after everything thats gone on in the last several months. Hope you have a good day, take care stacie
I think this brings up a good point about affairs in general... how much time is it sane to "hang in there" being patient and loving, while suffering? I mean , at some point doesn't that become "ENABLING" because while words may say otherwise, the super-patient behavior kind of says "this is okay with me, I will put up with it, and you can probably even do it again some day!" Don't hear me wrong, I think at the beginning of an affair it is ESSENTIAL to support the spouse and avoid ultimatums, because when they are overwhelmed with the powerful feelings of new love they are not going to swayed by ultimatums. But at SOME point, doesn't the maddness have to stop? My husband has been "patient" with my affair for a year. Just kind of hanging around waiting for it to be over, without really fighting for me. His patience has impressed me and I cherish him all the more for it, but patience also supports the affair becoming CHRONIC... it's a double edged sword and I guess there are no easy answers.
