I don't think it is a "fog." I believe they are headed down a path they chose. A path forward not looking back, thinking they can find what they are looking for.
Maybe you don't know your H. I understood some of W's behavior, but I confess it NEVER occured to me she would leave me and the M without so much as trying or looking back.
Some days and moments I feel ok and strong, then I think about everything she has done and am sad, sad our M came to this. Sad I did not see. Sad because she will not consider the M. Sad at the prospect of dividing up property and children and time. Sad at the life long effect this will have on these 3 children who we promised to love and take care of.
All you can do is love your children and not make excuses for H, because this is what he chose. Someday he must realize the consequences of his actions. You cannot do this for him.
Hi DBB, I know what you mean about sad, I have those days..today was one of them. Any ideas on not letting these thoughts continue to creep in our heads? I do well most days but sometimes the thoughts just take over. I know your right this is something they wanted and they made this decision of their own free will and making excuses isn't something I should be doing, he has to face his consequences alone. Well I hope tomorrow will be a better day. I hope today was better for you, Take care, stacie
Do we wish to continue wasting our energy worrying over what they are doing? Not productive. Must take care of us. And know people who understand our situation are here to listen and talk and understand.
It is time for us to take control of our lives. To quit worrying over how our actions affect them. We need to redefine the R. Decide what we want.
Take care of Stacie and know people come here to see how you are.
Hi DBB, I know your right it's a waste of time and energy thinking about H and I try not to but sometimes thoughts creep in unexpectedly. I'm doing alot of things for myself..started karate class, just bought a motorcycle, ride my bicycle and walk everyday but thoughts still come to me. I would like nothing better than not to think about it and I think once he files the papers I completed at the end of March it may be easier. Those D papers are like waiting for the other shoe to drop..never knowing when and trying to prepare yourself for when it drops. Thank you for always listening, I appreciate your words they mean a lot. How are things going for you and your children? I know it's still a rough road, let me know how your doing, Take Care stacie
Hi DBB, Just going to vent tonight. I have done well with no communication, not being there ect. Even when H droped off D yesterday I talked to her, acknowledged him..he kept asking question after question, gave short answers, I was pleasant, I went to work. I felt pretty good he looks like crap, sorry but true. Tonight he called about Ds eye glasses and asked for money to finish paying them off so he can pick them up. I tried to be short with my answers but nice let him know I didn't have the money just bought a refrig.because ours died and reminded him I lent him 240 for his vacation a month and a half ago. Then he did it made a rude remark about me not being financially responsible for my budget, I blew my mind I made a comment right back about paying rent for a house but living with OW 25 days out of a month, so where is his money going? Then I hung up, of course he called back yelling and screaming that he would file the D next week and he would see me when he dropped the D off next Thursday. Of course once he calmed down he basically took that threat back, I asked him not to use the D as a threat because I don't care and it's amazing the only time he brings up filing is when he gets angry at me, when I haven't done anything. I'm getting more angry instead of understanding everyday..I feel like he used the glasses to see if I still cared because I didn't give him the time of day yesterday so if he can get a reaction anyway he can then he still has a hold, I don't like that angry, manipulative feeling anymore than I like being sad and depressed. On top of all this D 15.5yrs has asked if she can D her Dad this was just before he called. I at least convinced her to write him a letter about how she feels if she can't talk to him and see were it goes from there, that was the only advice, I can't even explain his behavior anymore, I'm not going to try. Sorry bad night, always when I'm doing well.. blind sided again. There! I feel better (of course if I could run him over, I'd be much better) lol. I'm attempting to live by this quote "I'd rather forget and live happy then remember and live sad". It was working for me, until tonight...move on. Hope all is good with you DBB...as always thanks for listening. Take Care, have a nice weekend. stacie
No energy to offer you anything today, sorry. She told me today, she has filed.
I could go on and fill you in, but frankly I do not feel like it. I knew this was coming and I know how selfish she is, but I'm sick.
This is all so fixable.
But I'm done with the bb, because I cannot continue to read success stories, because DB DOES NOT work if the spouse wants out and has made up their mind.
I looked forward to coming here, to see if you had posted, know this board will always be a painful reminder of failure.
I'm so sorry DBB. I understand the fixable thing because it is, but your right you can't make something work when only one wants it. I wish you would stay in the bb because there is just as much a need to talk when divorcing then there is when your trying to save it. Thats why I stay, I know I will join you with the spouse filing soon, I've accepted it, I don't like it, I don't want it but it is helpful to have somebody to talk to about it. I don't read the success stories anymore, I'm happy for them but it doesn't help me. I hope you reconsider because it's better for you to talk, it's always helped me knowing that your there and I'll be there for you. Take Care Friend, I do hope to hear from you again. stacie
I can't believe I just recieved a phone call from the OWs brother-in law who has been seperated from his W (which is OWs twin!)for five months. This man asked me out because H told him I deserved a good man! What the hell is this my # is unlisted, exactly who does H think he is! I have done nothing but be there for him and he is trying to set me up on a date! This is a man that hasn't even filed the papers I gave him 2 months ago! Somebody explain this hell, I called him at OWs and told him he made his choices but he has no right to make mine. Who the hell does he think he is, just take the knife out of the back and place it in my heart, get it over with already!!! stacie
Hi DBB, I'm not looking for answers, I was looking for you! I'm finishing my Bachelors in Behavioral Sciences, Going into Masters in Clinical Psychology, clinicaly I have the answers but my heart says otherswise. I just wanted you to be ok, I don't like not hearing from you! Despite going through the big D you still need somebody to talk to. I'm sorry your heart still hurts, I know how it is. I can't tell you how to go on because I don't know how but I can be there to help....at least listen, understand. I'm sorry for your pain, I've had a bad week myself, please let me know how you are, I miss hearing from you. Don't give up on life because a part is gone (I cling to this everyday) I'm here when you need to talk. Take Care, stacie
