Forgetting those things which are behind......

[mockers2]

Thank you, Nevanna, I am working on revised goals - one of the things that has helped in the past when I've felt stuck, and acting as if will definitely be there. YOu idea about asking for what you need is good, and also an area in which I have difficulty. I am still feeling like I need to be OK all the time, and panic when I don't feel ok. Thanks again for your suggestions.

[holdingon]

Mockers,
Go back and read your WONDERFUL post of 6/3 (I think). Yes, of course you are going to have insecurities. Yes, of course you are going to wonder "what if?" But how far have you come?

I, too, panic when I don't feel okay. I am afraid of having a bad mood... what does it really mean? Well, it simply means you don't feel good about a moment, or you ARE in a bad mood... my gosh, you have been through a battle, shouldn't you have a little bit of shock left over from that?

What has helped me was a lame saying that a friend told me... and I hated hearing it... but "what is, is" is just that... Accept it and move on. Tell yourself "I'm bugged about xyz, ok, how can I deal with that?"

Ask for a hug. Ask for a phone call. You know how to do that in a nonneedy, fun, loving way.

Change your thinking, think about what you need from your H, and ask him for it.

And never stop praying.

[sage]

Hey there, Mockers,

Thanks (always!) for your kind and supportive words on my thread. You know I can relate to the "stuck" feeling, no? I'm sorry that you're going thru some lows right now.

So...I'm not exactly masterful at pulling myself out of this stuff but let's see...

I think you're doing GREAT pulling out the positives and/or minimizing your perception of the negatives. I've definitely always found that helpful.

One of the things that I've found for myself...when I'm past the "stuck" episode and looking backward...is that in many ways it's not the fear or sadness or whatever emotion that I'm feeling at the time that feels so terrible...it's the "story" that I layer on top of it that makes the stuckness so sticky! IOW, it's the "you should be over this", "why are you feeling this way", "what is wrong with you" crap that I impose on myself that really makes the episode bad.

What would it feel like to feel what you feel without adding any spin to it? I'm sad, lonely, afraid, whatever..and that's it?

I find that as I'm edging out of the cheeseless tunnel I can expedite the trip by giving to h...IOW, dropping whatever expectations or resentment or fear that I have and viewing him as a fragile, loving, fearful, sensitive person...it just makes it easier to get outside of my own stuff...

Meditating helps me. So does exercise. and chocolate!

Sometimes finding someone to help on the BB is good for me...I will caution about that...as you know, the stories are SO SAD and can bring you back to your own sadness really quickly.

Going for walks.

Getting up really early and hanging out in my yard.

Very positive self-talk. A lot of it!

It's ok to not feel ok, ok?

Sage

[Dagny]

M--

I've been gone too long, I miss you! But starting to get my head out of the sand.

So many thoughts about your posts, I know exactly where you are coming from and how those old thoughts can sneak up and almost overtake your body and mind. It is quite scary the things the mind can do.

I love your list of goals, I am so bad at the negative self talk, if I talked to another human how I talk to myself it would be horrible, yet have no problem bashing myself. Definitely a goal to strive for---treat ourselves kindly.

I agree with the ask for a hug bit. I have found that I need to ask for what I need and state it that way, not---you don't give me hugs, but I need a hug to feel secure and then thank him when he does it, thanks, it makes me feel better, and possibly that leads to him doing it on his own, knowing what it means to you. Surprisingly, they can't read our minds and not stating what we really need isn't doing anyone any good. I am slowly learning this.

M, you are such a strong person, you have been through so much and have done it with poise and grace. Juggling a family with work and doing it on your own while H worked out his crisis and giving him that gift of doing so. Don't sell yourself short. I think many men think that just being around says all they need to say about the R. Though he rated the M at a 9, can't get much better than that!

When he goes out with the guys, why not have something wating for him when he comes home? Rose petals leading to a candle lit bedroom with wine/sparkling water waiting for him and soft music? Give you something fun to plan while he is out and then a nice surprise for him at home.

How is the new house? How was your trip? I like the DB tatoo--would help us identify others when we out and about.

Keep smiling and enjoying the sunshine.

XOXOXO

Jackie